How do I Take Ownership of Myself and be Supportive of my Spouse?

In this episode, Tyler and Brannon talks about the emotional toll of walking alongside a partner struggling with mental health. They explore the importance of speaking the truth with love, setting healthy boundaries, and showing up as the best version of yourself—for your partner, your kids, and your own healing.

Transcript (Tap to Toggle)
Intro
how can I take ownership of myself and still be supportive to them
brandon how’s it going man it’s going good how are you doing great awesome
weekend this weekend got to see Carson and Maddie uh this is the last time they’ll be at our house before they
finally move to to Denver to uh go to med school wow so So it was a good it
was a good weekend and we got to spend some time with them it was great yeah is it Is it like sad every time they leave
normally it’s not sad when they leave but this time it is because I know that it’s kind of like when med school hits
it’s going to change and we we’ll see him for a few days here and there on holidays and things but we won’t get any of the random weekend trips up you know
yeah yeah but you know you’ll see them off and on I’m sure holidays things so
yeah hey side note i figured out something that I may like better than eggs oh no
you want to take a guess um is it a food item something that you would like that you
is better than eggs i have I have no clue i could maybe think of like bacon
or ham or something but I don’t know no no no no not even close uh frozen
burritos oh man the last 30 seconds you lay like
a a slice of cheddar on top the trick is is they’re supposed to be instant but by
the time you doctor them up the right way you have to cook them for like 22 minutes just to get the middle hot but then it kind of crisps the outside then
you have to throw cheese on top of it for the last 30 seconds and then cottage cheese on top of that and then slice
tomatoes on top of that cottage cheese that’s our brother Rex’s specialty that’s Rex loves that that’s that’s what
we were raised on that’s gourmet yes those are th those not bad Brandon
not bad i think you’d prefer eggs over burritos you like you like you like the frozen burrito though oh yeah it’s great
when it’s doctorred up that way yeah yeah absolutely um okay enough about my
eating habits uh this will be the last time we talk about that for a while so I doubt that
um all right let’s dive in with our guest here we got Steve here with us steve welcome to the show thanks guys
good to be here um if you could give us a little bit of background and tell us what’s going on with you and we’ll go
from there yeah so I’ll kind of my question is centered around the
relationship with my wife and how it affects our family and so I’m going to
give you kind of background on myself and then with her as well and so for me uh my wife and I have been married for
about 20 years um I have struggled off and on with pornography throughout our
marriage and really over the last two years um after kind of an explosive
um blow up of things coming out and her really finding out about um deception um
both around pornography but also financially and I could talk a little bit about that um I’ve done a lot of
work therapeutically but more importantly in my case um and I think for a lot of guys uh I’ve found
community with some men who I’ve been able to be honest and vulnerable with um
and really um open up my heart and start to be seen um so that’s been incredibly
helpful my wife and I have done some healing as well um not in a counseling environment but really just having
conversations between the two of us um she’s been in therapy as well for some things I’ll talk about in a minute um
but in throughout the process of my own therapy um I’ve really uncovered deep
codependence and deep um sort of patterns of seeking her approval and
seeking comfort outside of uh my relationship with God and as well as and
you know a healthy way that marriages should be um so uh I’ll obviously be glad to answer
any questions around that but um let me speak to the financial piece real quick it wasn’t uh any discussion around like
paying for pornography or paying for sex or anything it was really around uh just
rampant irresponsibility um is really what it was um with my wife uh she grew
up in a home that was highly abusive um and also experienced some abuse outside
of that and you know I forgot who it was that somebody said grief demands a witness and she didn’t really have the
support and witnessing from her family that she needed uh with the abuse that occurred outside the home and so she
grew up with a high level of trauma actually was diagnosed uh with CPTTSD
u by a therapist and has been working in therapy uh to to address that up until
the end of last year um and so uh really alongside that
healthwise she’s struggled with indometriosis for years she’s had multiple surgeries for it and um as of a
few years ago seems to be doing better with it but most recently really what
the issue is that I’m calling about um is she has really been sort of detached
from our family and um in bed a lot uh
dealing with some pain uh sort of related to pelvic issues and that sort
of um and she’s doing some physical therapy around it but really my concern is that she’s um
allowing herself to be detached and allowing herself to really uh not be invested in our family we have three
kids um so I’ll say you know 15 12 and
and nine uh and they are um
it’s hard because you know I’ve heard that uh with alcoholism for example it’s
almost like kids you grow up with a ghost somebody who’s there but not really there and I feel like that’s a
little bit of what’s going on or what it feels like in our home is she’s there but not there um and so what I’m really
struggling with is um my initial question I think that I wrote down was
how do I love her best and and really around that um I want to be empathetic
and supportive and caring but also um
you know help her to be aware of what’s going on around her if you will mhm um
and so I’m I’m calling around like wanting to get help that from you guys
steve this detachment um is that like all the time or does is it like does it
cycle or like Yeah it’s a good question um I mean there is all there is
constantly sort of a level of hypervigilance also dissociation
um and so and and I will say this too I think not chemical addiction by any
means but dependence for sure um and instead of having healthy lifestyle
patterns and choices um I mean even getting out of bed or
exercising or eating healthy anything like that there’s just a constant lowle medium level of
uh unhealthy like coping and that sort of thing okay
okay okay what are the I mean not that these matter a ton but the low-level
coping is the stuff that you feel like is keeping her stuck is that what you’re
saying yeah exactly um yeah and I’ll even say think there’s I mean I think
there’s a good bit of remaining unadressed sadness and unressed like
grief on her part m um and while she has done an amazing amount of work in
therapy I think there’s still a significant amount of things there that uh she either doesn’t have the
skills for or hasn’t addressed yet and is that sadness around the betrayal
or her past trauma or just all of it is that Yeah I think it’s it’s sort of hard
to pull apart right uh because you know she again given the home that she grew
up in uh my betrayal exacerbated sort of what was already there right um and we
both going into marriage 20 years ago were incredibly unhealthy people um and
I don’t know that we ever we we just now are starting to get to a point where we
even have a thought of what a healthy foundation for marriage is um and a lot of that’s on me i mean I’m
going to own that right for betrayal and just not making her the center of my
affections but um I think for her you know to answer your question um it
really is both it’s it’s the betrayal and it’s her family h how long ago was
like the discovery of the betrayals like the financial betrayal or any betrayal
like how long ago so the porn was three years ago um and
the financial was really two and a half years ago um and
the I’ve uh had a lapse
once since then with horn but it’s not it was a one-off thing right it wasn’t
like a pattern of a Okay so I want to just make sure I’m
understanding this right Steve um just kind of the picture that I’m having kind of form in my head is is that you guys
are in a long-term relationship where there were a lot of secrets it finally started coming out a few years ago to
the point that it like really kind of blew things up so relationally between you that happened your wife has past
trauma that she’s also that’s very significant that she’s been working on in addition to the relational trauma
plus she has medical issues that make it hard to to be physically active which
has led to her staying kind of closed in numbing out on whatever the minor things
are social media TV something else yeah yeah and now you’re wondering as a husband how do you
what what’s the line at which you step in and show empathy understanding acceptance of the reality of whatever
her medical issues are and how much how much do you push especially when you’ve
been the one who’s been part of the problem and you don’t know if you are allowed to have any kind of structure or
push and is that a way of loving her or not that’s right and I will say from
like a relational dynamic standpoint um the betrayal and all that like doesn’t
come up a whole lot anymore and I don’t think that’s because of denial or trying to ignore it i really think it’s because
there has been some healing in our marriage and so um that we have that
sort of positive dynamic but yeah to answer your question um I don’t
I want to love her well but I also don’t want to shy away from hard conversations where it’s needed and helpful given that
I’m the person with the greatest proximity to her in her life right like
um and that’s another thing like she doesn’t have a whole lot of uh in like
vulnerable in-depth friendships with other women and things like that so um I
guess I’m just really struggling with what does love look like uh given in this situation
she’s you so what you just said like she’s pretty isolated saying okay
she has some friends but nothing you know this is interesting because
like without her being here you know we’re getting a perspective of her through you sure yeah um but it is
important to understand what’s going on with her so we can answer your question about how to love her and support her
and I’m still a little unclear i Let me ask a couple more questions yeah please um you say she was diagnosed with CPTTSD
yes um does she still have symptoms like a lot of symptoms of anxiety like is
there panic attacks or um just an avoidance of you know going to out out
in public or you know socializing or like what type of what type of anxiety
symptoms are there still that you see yeah good question um so yes so to answer your
question within the past year um and this this was she’s always struggled with sleep like she’s had bad insomnia
but um and there’s a whole backstory behind that but anyway I’ll just say this within the past year she started
having nightmares so bad that she only slept an hour or two a night and it
wasn’t consecutive it was um really extreme and she started seeing a
a really good psychiatrist who helped her regulate that and um medically but
also sort of with uh nervous system interventions if you will um
and it’s gotten better so but it’s also been pretty approximate in the sense of
it hasn’t been all that long ago that she dealt with that um and so yeah she
is also dealing with some social social isolation um in terms of not wanting to
really get out a lot and really pushing back on hey let’s go hang out with
friends or get dinner or whatever like little things you know um okay she’s not
really willing to do a whole lot okay but I do hear a willingness to seek help
like she she’s seeing the psychiatrist um she’s done therapy herself right
she’s she’s willing to try to figure things out that’s right and I will say this too
like there is some positive emotion and I should mention um she is in graduate school right now and any energy that she
spends a vast majority of it i won’t say all of it but a lot of it goes towards graduate school outside of that she’s in
bed and not really engaging with our family and all that kind of stuff okay
you’re I just want to check something else out to see um you’re here showing
up asking the right question as to like how do I show up and how do I love her i imagine you’ve got your own process
going on inside is there any level of frustration or resentment or exasperation that goes along with what
you’re asking right now there’s Yeah there is certainly uh I
won’t say resentment per se exasperation yeah and then also a good bit of
ruminating that I’ve had to um to really
talk through with my therapist and then also um work on being present and work
on um because part of the rumination just to be candid is me taking the
responsibility off myself to control things that I can control right um and it’s it’s easy for me personally to
ruminate and think through well if they would only just dot dot dot then I you know
but there’s there’s a good bit of uh deflection there internally and not wanting to
focus on what’s my responsibility and I’ve recognized that and you know trying to own that
i think the question then is and and really maybe this is where we could could turn this discussion to is what
then is your responsibility right um consider considering the
situation um you know what what can you be accountable for what can you own and how
can you how can you you know get the best outcomes possible for you and for her and for your family right um and so
I think Tyler’s question was a really good question because I’m picking up on that too and I just want to validate
that for a minute like I I think I think that makes sense why you’d feel a little tired and whatever you know sure and and
at the same time I just side note here your wife to me sounds like she’s she’s
a fighter and that she’s Yes in many ways doing the best that she possibly
can yeah and so and considering all the trauma she’s been through and then you
add betrayal on top of that um and yet she’s still going in and and trying to get help she’s doing grad school um you
know and so it’s hard because she’s probably doing the best she possibly can and at the same time you’re looking at
this and saying you’re in bed all day and you’re isolated and like you know
this how can I help you not be so shut down um so this is it’s a tough
situation for for I think everybody um and I do think there’s some things you
can take ownership for and maybe some perspectives to shift so that she’s not
feeling from you this constant like I want you to change um but something else
from you that can help support her so um
Tyler anything you want to add to Yeah no I think you’re I think you’re going where I would probably be going Brandon is like I’m feeling this uh I’m feeling
this energy Stephen you can tell me if I’m wrong um there’s like you’re trying to ride the razor’s edge of loving her
well while also not letting your exasperation and frustration bring the energy into the relationship that
actually doesn’t help things go right and so it’s like two things that have to
be happening you’re in this constant recirculation of hey I’ve got to continue to get my heart at peace my
heart really honestly towards really wanting to help things go right and letting go of my own pride and
everything else and then I need to know hey maybe maybe some of loving her is
going to to mean that there might actually be some kind of tension or hard moments in our relationship but I need
to make sure my heart’s loving her when I do whatever I have to do spot on yeah that that’s that’s exactly right um and
to be honest with you I like what you said about making sure that the energy that I don’t
bring into the room with her isn’t exasperation and like frustration and I certainly know that that’s been there um
and I struggle with like get frustrated with myself that I do that because I
don’t want to do that like I want to bring it to the room of I love you there’s there’s hope here you know we
can do this like that sort of thing um and not frustration for where she is
right now it’s kind of a challenging thing because part of part of this process inside of a
marriage is learning how to have a heart at peace and approach something with
love even when you have to go and say “Hey there’s sometimes where I have some really deep feelings of exasperation.”
Man I know I know that you’re really struggling with your mental and physical health right now and I can only imagine
what that’s like for you and sometimes it’s crushing for me too to try to figure out how to navigate this um and
somehow be able to put your heart of love into that conversation so that you’re still being honest even though
you know you don’t want her to then dip all the way deeper into like shame or pressure or anything else that’s right
that’s right another thing to do like it when you say I’m frust like I don’t want to be this way i don’t want to show up
this way with her the more you fight it and try to pretend like it’s not there the more it’s going to be there and so
what Tyler’s saying is to go express it and own it to her i think another thing to do is to is to own it within yourself
and acknowledge it and validate it and then find ways to cope with that and to
deal with that um may maybe outside of your marriage or your relationship with her you go cope
with that in a healthy way so you can show up in a place of resonating in in
actual love if you just say “I don’t want to be that and I’m going to try really hard not to be that right you’re
just going to set yourself up to continue to to fuel that because you’re not actually walking through it.” That’s
good i Yeah that’s really good um and I think I want to name too part of my uh
posture is I I had a therapist tell me that um healthy anger is the willingness
to be in pain for something that matters more than pain um and that’s sort of
uh I’ve been highly comfort seeking for years um and so the willingness to be in
pain that in itself is hard for me and so I I bring that up to say even Tyler
your uh recommendation of having that conversation with her uh is a challenge
for me and just because um I don’t want to you know deep inside I want to seek
comfort and not have a hard conversation but I also fully understand that you know to be uh to have a intimate
marriage you have to have those hard conversations sometimes and so um I guess I just wanted to name that i I
think it’s awesome that you’re naming it and I I’ll just tell you from one one recovering codependent to another I get
Avoiding Conflict
it man like I’ve I’ve spent a lot of years of my own marriage working on the
very same things of having like certain things that I think could actually really help my wife or my kids or
somebody else and then being too afraid to have them be disappointed or cause conflict or not say something true um
and only then to then have to eat it myself and then when you eat it you either eat it internally and you feel
more shame more depression more hopelessness or it goes outwardly and that anger builds and it’s not the good
kind of anger at that point and and like you said maybe the the different wording that I would use for like the right kind
Real Recovery
of anger is is like I’m willing I’m willing to take some heat for the sake
of the greater good m and that’s what real rec that’s what real recovery is inside of a relationship is being able
to go into that conversation and say hey I I see you hurting really bad and I see
that some of the coping seems to be maybe numbing and not helping and I’m
worried about you and I definitely want you to feel better but but I also want you to see that the choices that you’re
still making to cope do have an impact on you know the people around you namely
me and the kids in these ways and that’s hard that’s really hard for somebody
who’s already struggling who’s already depressed who’s already maybe fighting their own shame to have to hear that but
that’s also a gift like you think about think about your own recovery process yeah like you you didn’t really fully
Speaking Hard Truths
get into recovery until the disclosure started to happen and then there was no place to run and then you had to kind of look yourself in the mirror and go “Oh
man like I got that the awful awareness of my current condition is part of what
led to the motivation for you to want to get on the pathway to change.” Sure yeah
that’s right that’s right but you would but you would best be on that pathway to change and you’ve said it yourself here
today having grown into a a team of people who love you and hold you
accountable they do they do both it’s that whole thing Brandon was talking about of you’re doing your best and you
need to do better your kids are doing the best and they need to do better your wife is doing her best and she needs to
do better the truth is is all of us are in that spot and we need people around us who will give us both of that
feedback it’s really good really helpful um can I ask another quick question
Worry About the Kids
related to this okay um I um
something I really struggle with internally and I’m worried about is the impact on my on our kids um and
specifically I want desperately want for us to have a
healthy home and so I um trying that as much as I can um but how can I navigate
that I guess with my wife and this is very much tied in I think what we just talked about but um I guess talk through
that for a minute like how can I know that our kids are okay that we’re you know um during this time with her and
that sort of stuff if like there’s there’s so much to say
Steve and I I want to just kind of rewind back a little further because this will actually inform from that
question that you just that you just asked okay um but uh you know it’s it’s it’s tricky
Subtle Manipulation
because if you if your frustration turns into judgment of her um and and then it also
turns into like I I want her to change so that I can ultimately have what I want that’s right um there there’s this
like and this is such a buzz word and I hate to use it but it it turns into a gaslight it it turns into like I’m you
know I’m trying to be loving i’m trying to be kind but I’m kind of like trying to constantly tell her that she needs to
change in all of these in all of these subtle ways um and and that’s coming
from an honest place of frustration for you um but when you do it in that kind
of manipulative subtle way you know the energy that she’s constantly getting from you is like I’m
failing you i’m not enough i’m not okay um which which fuels her isolating from
you shutting down and not wanting to connect um and so I I want to get back
to your question about your kids because I want to I want to give you an answer here about what you can do for yourself
Helping Your Kids
and it will absolutely help them too okay um and this is way easier said than
done but you know when you’re in a situation like this it’s easy to focus on on the
pain and the frustration of it right and and you you already know this i’m going to tell you something you you
already know but the way you can help her and the way you can help your kids
is to be the healthiest version of you yeah and and and what that means is that
your focus is I I’m going to be the the healthiest physically i’m going to be
the healthiest emotionally spiritually that I possibly can be because when I’m resonating in a place of feeling alive
and feeling acceptance and peace within myself um that’s going to radiate out to my
children it’s going she’s going to sense that from me and and honestly she might
not like it um because part of her will be like go like now I can really see how
I’m like am I worthy of his love like I am I going to you know but she’ll also
feel it from you like hey Steve’s showing up in this way and and you’re
doing that it sounds like like you’re doing a lot of your own work right yeah yeah I am i’m certainly trying yeah but
Be Your Best Self
the best thing you can do for your kids is set an example of somebody who is
healthy um and is loving her for for where she’s at okay so that’s just step number one
there’s there’s more to this um the other thing is to
like you got to be careful that your frustrations don’t bleed over to like
venting to your children about her or or seeking validation from them um because
they’re in it with you they’re living in that in the house with you and and so you got to be careful of that at the
same time and this this is tricky at the same time you don’t want to um you don’t
want to like not be able to say what is to your
children your children need to feel like you’re honest with them and that you’re upfront and that they’re smart and they
feel it and they see it and they live there so it’s this balance of like I’m not seeking validation and using my
children for you know my own frustration but at the same time I’ll be honest with
them and I’ll hold empathy and I’ll hold space and have empathy with them as they
Honesty with Kids
struggle with it as well in the house right so so so it’s loving toward them
and it’s not self-seeking for your own validation um does do you see what I’m
saying and it’s a hard thing to do that that’s that’s really good and I have
very intentionally um not uh been negative about her toward
them just because I don’t want to you know I know that it it affects their dynamic with her and I and I also to
your point have tried to tell them the truth as it’s appropriate um and it is a
very hard thing to do but no that’s great uh insight for sure
uh one one way to kind of stick to that line Brandon’s talking about is is that let’s say let’s say your 15-year-old
comes out of your bedroom after trying to talk to your wife and she’s in a bad mood and she’s not able to speak with
them or give the right thing and you can tell that there’s like that weight and that heaviness mhm you can step in and
show empathy for the weight and the heaviness and you can even you can even sit there and listen and hold it and
Supporting Without Blame
maybe even provide some insight or some thoughts or some coaching as to like how to cope or how to next approach it or
the next conversation to have without ever mentioning that you know she’s this
this this this or this you can stay focused on the the emotional experience of your child and what healthy tools
they would have to interact with someone who’s in that state of depression right
um without without having to make it personal or be like “Yeah your mom’s like totally checked out or she’s a bum
or whatever.” You would never say that anyway but Right right right um I I like where Brandon’s going with that another
thought that I’d add and then Brandon I mean unless you had more Brandon to what you were saying no no no go ahead i do
have another point but go ahead okay okay just another just to throw into the mix of what Brandon’s giving is this is
something that’s been helpful to me in my own journey with some kind of depression in my life um having people
there that kind of understand the process and then are there to continually provide the path like laying
the path out in terms of and and the way what I mean by this is being as generous
as possible in your assumptions about what she really wants with her life m so
Believe the Best in Her
you know you you know that she wants to be a good mom she wants to be an engaged spouse she wants to be she wants so if
you made that assumption first which I know making assumptions is not typically what something we approve of but if you
made the most generous assumption then you’d step into conversations with
opening the possibilities that these things could be that way and then starting to connect the dots between
what are the inputs and why aren’t we getting the outcomes well what would be the new inputs then because there is a
pathway to get there and and then just opening that up so it’s constantly like hey like you know you could have
everything you’re wanting and I believe you want this this this and this and your inputs would need to shift to a few
of these things and you’d be on the path for it right i like that yeah that that
I think that that posture takes the weight off of her and allows her to to have eyes for possibility i like that
i think when it comes to like mental health um it’s it’s a lot like like we
Shifting Inputs
naturally judge that more than other things so like for example it let’s say
my wife had her leg amputated mhm and so then it’s like well hey I want to go
hiking but she you know she won’t go hiking with me um you know if I if I
were on here Stephen and you were the host and I was I was frustrated because my wife who had her leg amputated won’t
go hiking with me what would you say to me uh I would say you need to you know
consider the reality of what’s going on and that she doesn’t have a leg
i I mean it’s pretty obvious right right but when we’re talking about um mental health when and we’re talking about
Mental Health vs. Physical
complex trauma that she’s been through um you know we look at this and we’re
like “Come on get your butt out of bed come on.” Like like you know show up this way or that way like maybe she is
functioning like a hundred times more than somebody would who’s been through
the trauma that she’s been through maybe she’s like killing it like she you know
you know like she let’s take my amputated my my my wife with an amputated leg maybe she’s strapping on
something and walking around the the neighborhood as much as she possibly can but she can’t climb the mountain with me
you know so so so can I sit back and say you know what like good for her and and
uh you know can can I stop for a minute and like really believe that she’s doing
the best that she can and I know that invalidates your frustration it would be frustrating that I couldn’t hike with my
wife that’s right right but if that’s the reality of it it doesn’t do me any
good to fight and resist that reality it just causes me suffering brandon I think
I think the struggle with what you’re saying is that everything you’re saying I agree with but the struggle with what
you’re saying is that so often part of the solution for poor mental health is those things it’s like it’s
Reality of Recovery
not that I’m wanting her to go hiking with me it’s like if she wants to get better she needs to go hiking with me
yes yes right it’s it’s kind of like its own intervention and not just the not just the desire of the partner it’s hard
it’s hard to find reality sometimes inside what is reality you make a really good point but you know it’s like you
can’t jump off the deep end so So you’re absolutely right like isolating is not a
good answer to poor mental health right but getting herself out to school or
interacting some with people that might take a lot and so like good she doesn’t
need to go make like you know 20 friends tomorrow um so
um I had one more thing I wanted to say if you don’t mind i know I know I’m talking a lot but Tyler did you see that
we got a negative review oh we did i haven’t seen it yet yeah it’s pretty negative
but it was interesting because I could I think here with Steve today um it was a
review about we were talking to Buzz and um basically the review said like
um you know I’ve been fans of these guys for a while but they basically are blaming this woman who’s been through
betrayal and of course she doesn’t want to be close to him of course she you know like how dare they blame her and it
was interesting talking to Buzz and and talking to you Steve here’s the tricky part as we talk about her and her
Structure with Love
symptoms and everything she’s been through um it’s important to acknowledge
that she’s been betrayed and she’s been hurt right and at the same time at the same time
you um having some boundaries and even having some friction with her around
this stuff is actually exhibiting interdependency and healthy attachment
with her um and so we we need to we need to both hold it’s not cool that she’s
been betrayed and it’s not okay yeah yeah and also a a healthy man with good
healthy masculinity and a healthy human being with good healthy boundaries will
will actually say something and not just swallow everything
in a loving way in a loving kind non-blamy way will actually voice up and
say “This is where I’m at this is how I’m feeling these are some of my frustrations.” Yeah right and so even
Betrayal and Boundaries
though you betrayed her it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t actually be honest
with her about some of these feelings that you’re having right that’s really good and I I I want to
kind of tie a bow on this real quick for me like really what I keep hearing
reverberated is two things is a willingness to show up uh in hard
moments and be honest and connect in that way but also I really have liked
what you’ve had to say about um
naming and and really paying attention to the places where she’s already
showing up and I I can as we’ve talked through it I can see those moments where
to your point she’s not jumping in the proverbial deep end but she’s certainly making the motion and the effort uh in
certain areas to move forward and while it may not look like what I want it to look like right now it is movement and
it is a positive motion and I think that’s to be championed and encouraged
Celebrate Small Wins
and that sort of stuff steve how does this feel like if I were to say you have
a wife who’s a badass who’s fighting like hell how does that feel uh it makes me feel
good to be with her for one there you go um and for two uh it’s everything it’s
everything I know to be true about her that’s spot on
and and it’s okay Steve for you to be a badass who’s fighting like hell too and
and if you really really love somebody and you see them floundering sometimes
and sometimes you have to step into it a little bit to and provide some structure and support there
you know um I I I know like when I was in high school I had some friends come
over to my house frequently when I was really depressed i’d lay on the couch and listen to everybody Hurts by RM on
repeat and just want to die and there were days when my buddies would show up and they would literally drag me off of
the couch and take me into the the mountains and do a campfire or drag me over to their house and hang out with
Show Up with Love
them or whatever they were doing and even though I was still miserable through some of those things it meant
something that they were willing to step into that fray a little bit and uh and at least do the best they knew how to
try to help a friend who was struggling and and if you’re not stepping in
because of your own fear that’s not the reason not to step in
um so and and that’s true and if I could just share one quick thing I think it would help other people um there’s a
line in a Fallout Boy song that says uh I’m coming for you and I’m making war um
and that’s something she’s literally looked at before and said that’s exactly what I want from you
is that posture and um yes badassery i think that’s the part of the cure i’m
coming for you and I’m making war that’s what that’s what it was man i considering the context here of what
Final Thoughts
we’ve talked about today that does sum it up perfectly and and she’s telling you Steve she’s telling you that’s the
man I want i want a man who’s going to fight for me and and step into the hard
um but but come for her as well and uh yeah that Steve talking to you has been
great like you really understand these concepts well um I I I do think I do
think you’re genuine and and really wanting to figure out how to create love in your marriage and and with your kids
as well um but but like it’s hard it’s a process it’s one day at a time there’s
going to be times when the frustration gets so much you’re you’re thinking like “God am I doing anything right here?”
And then there’s going to be times when you’re really patient you’re really empathetic you’re really honest um so be
patient with yourself have some grace for yourself take good care of yourself
um and just keep moving forward yeah guys this has been great i really appreciate the time thanks for coming on
man we appreciate having you here we wish you the very best of luck we’d love to hear how things are shaking out for you sometime in the future as well
and uh Yeah thank you man thanks for coming on sounds great have a good one you too thanks to everybody who’s here
with us who’s listening we love your feedback even when it’s negative so um
we’d love to we’d love to hear from you guys in any way if you throw a shout out to any of our callers too you can do
that through the review process and until next time keep on keeping on

How do I Take Ownership of Myself and be Supportive of my Spouse?

Book A Call With Us