Is My Life Progressing In A Healthy Way?

Introduction – Grandbaby news; live-on-YouTube banter.

Is my life progressing in a healthy way? Brandon, what is going on, man?What’s going on? Is you’re becoming a grandpa? They just right as we were getting readyto record this, you got the you got the text message, it sounds like. Yeah, I did. Like, looks like it’shappening today. Oh, man. Holy cow, dude. Yep. It’s uh she actually went in last night, but uhthey’re thinking it’s probably going to happen maybe maybe tonight sometime or maybe tomorrow morning sometime, but uhman, my mind is just being blown right now. Uh yeah, that’s that’s you’re you’recrossing a threshold. These are the last moments of you not being a grandpa. You you’ll be a grandpafor the rest of your life. I know. It’s so crazy, man. It’s so crazy. It’s funny, too, because like Idon’t feel that old at all. Like I still picture myself being probably in my like late 20s, early 30s, you know, but uh Iwent to I went to Chase, you know, you know Chase, he’s been on the show a couple times for our listeners, but uh Iwent to his baby’s blessing yesterday and it was just awesome. It was so cool to have like a full community of peoplethere that love Chase, too. There was You should have seen the the church building in the chat. was just chuckfull of people who love him, you know, because they’re awesome. Yeah, Chase is amazing.Yeah. And then but then I go to the lunchon afterwards and everybody’s coming up to me and they’re sayingthey’re saying, “Hey, uh you’re uh you look way young today. Like you look somuch younger than normal.” I’m like, “What do you mean?” They’re like, “Oh, you shaved.” Like, so when I shave,clean shave, and I like lose 20 years off of how I look, I guess. But but with my white beard, I look like I’m like 70.And I guess I look normal about 45 when I’m when I’m clean shaving. So So Ithink I’m in a clean shave from now on all the time just because I I picture myself being younger that way.Well, embrace being the sage, you know, the grandpa. Oh man, grow it out. Grow it all the way out.

Community & Humor – Baby blessing, shaving joke (“feel younger”).

It’s crazy, man. That’s one of the reasons why we’re going to do the topic we are today. But uh before we get intothat, I have to follow up on this because I promised somebody at the lunchon yesterday that I would ask something to you.Oh no. They were saying they were saying that they love they love the stories that wetell about like our childhood and particularly this guy said he’s like Ijust want to hear another story about bigs. Like he’s like I don’t even know the guy but I love bigs. Like, askBrandon to tell another story about Bigs. Oh, go. I got I could go on for days.Bigs is the best. He’s my favorite person. He’s an incredible person. He truly is. I love him. Um,but uh I got, you know, immediately, you know, a rabbit cage pops in my mind. I I thought of that story, too, rightoff the bat. So, tell the story, Brandon. Tell the story about the rabbits.Not our story about the rabbits, but about the rabbit cage. Yeah. I mean,when we were kids, how old do you think we were? Probably Oh, we’re probably seven or eight.And we um for some reason we had a bunch of near beer at the house, so we were slamming

Biggs Story – Legendary rabbit-cage sandwich tale.

the near beer like odels or something. The first time you tasted it and youlike liked it. Oh, talk about redneck. Like when I’m eight, I was like slamming near beer. UmI can’t believe I’m not an alcoholic. So me and Bigs are slamming the nearbeer at his house like probably stole it from like Uncle Doug’sfridge or something, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Um so we got the near beergoing and and it was like middle of the day and our aunt brought us out umcheese sandwiches. It was two pieces of Wonderbread, a little bit of nutme.Miracle Whip for sure. And a craft piece of American cheese. WonderMiracle Whip. One piece of American cheese. Two pieces of Wonderbread. Oh,so good. So good. I prefer mayo over Miracle Whip, but all day long. So, so that was our lunchand we’re we’re sitting up in his backyard and under his deck there wasthis rabbit cage and uh Biggs for some reason, you know, he he just needed alittle more protein and he opened up his sandwich and he grabbed a handful ofrabbit poo from under the cage and he throws it on his sandwich. He closes thesandwich and eats the whole thing.And so what do you know? Like later that night, like right when we’re about to go to bed, Bigs is like and he just barfinglike all night long, just throwing up.[Laughter]Was he think he he wanted the protein, I guess. I don’t know, you know, maybe the fiber.So, moral of the story is don’t eat rabbit poo on your cheese sandwich.Yeah. I mean, maybe maybe, you know, he want a little more on that sandwich. I don’tblame him.Oh, man. I got more big stories later, but there I I hope that one I hope that one works.That totally works, man. That’s exactly That’s exactly what I was looking for.Bigs is famous now. We got to have him on as a guest. We need to have him. He could come on bea great guest for us sometime. I mean, just really quick about him, like um they have some some kids withwith some challenges and um he and his wife are two of the most incredibleuh parents that I’ve ever seen. Like, I’d love to talk to him about how he’smanaged that and done that because they have done phenomenal with their children. So, we should bring him on.Yeah, we should. They are phenomenal parents. So, um, love you, Bigs.Absolutely. Um, okay. So, you’re becoming a grandpa. We’re talking aboutmaybe we can work this big story into this episode a little bit.Actually, maybe maybe we got maybe we got uh maybe some of the stages we’regoing to talk about. We’re going to talk about Erikson’s stages of development today. Um, and part of that is because Iwas just telling you how old I feel and wondering where I was stage of life, you know, big chapter changing right now. Atleast for me, it kind of feels that way. So, um, I think I think these stages, Tyler, areso eyeopening. Like, Erikson nailed this and they’re also really informative as

Topic Setup – Erikson’s 8 stages of development.

you look at your life and you can help it can help guide you a little bit ofwhere life’s going and what’s happening with life and you’ll see these things playing out. So, it’s it’s just reallyinteresting to to know what these are, to go through them, and to understand them.Yeah. Yeah. So, so we’re going to kind of go walk through them and maybe share some examples and stories as we gothrough, Brandon. Um, but the challenge here is is to think about,you know, as you’re listening to think about how you have or are navigating some of these stages yourself.And that’s what that’s what Ericson talks about here is is that these these are kinds of things that most humanbeings go through just in this just in the way that we develop as human beings. And the navigation of each of thesestages sort of reinforces and produces a certain kind of a virtue,right? Um, and sometimes you navigate them in healthy ways and sometimes younavigate them in unhealthy ways and then that of course affects the way that you view the world and that affects your outcomes in life and and all of thosethings as well. It basically leads it goes one way or the other. It’s either a crisis or avirtue. And and so as you navigate this, you’ll start that virtue is what youwhat you gain, what you learn, what you like that that beautiful thing. Um oryou end up in a crisis. And um as we go through these, I I hope that people arehonest with themsel as they look at their life and where they’re at right now and where they’ve been of like, oh,I definitely in that stage of development was more in crisis than gaining that virtue. Um so should we

Stage 1 (Trust vs. Mistrust) – Virtue: Hope.

dive in? Yeah. Well, and I’d say that the crisis itself sometimes helps produce thevirtue if it’s navigated properly. Exactly. Like if you’re able to navigate through that, you can get to the virtue.Yeah. Um so there’s eight stages. Um stageone, trust versus mistrust. So so think about this as we go throughthis. Think about um as you grow as you grow up and grow old. So the first stageis is infancy. It’s when you’re first born. um you are trying to figure out whetheror not you can trust your caregivers or whether or not you feel a lack of trust.Right? And this begins from even before you’re able to be conscious or think properly. Right? And and to tie this in,some of the other research that we know on a different theory about attachment is is that our attachment styles rightfrom the very beginning are being shaped and informed as a result of this idea oftrust versus mistrust. So if I have a go, what’s that?From the get-go. Yes. Yeah. Right. So, so if I have a parent who is, you know, ignores my pleas forattention, usually in the form of crying or something, um, that’s going to helpshape the way that I navigate the world and and what I start to believe and form in terms of what it whether or not I’msafe in this world. Um, if I have someone who’s punitive in the way that I respond, that’s going to shape things.If I have someone who’s warm and responsive, that’s going to shape the way I believe and see the world. And so infants learn trust or mistrustof their caregivers um right from the very beginning.You know what’s interesting is the virtue with this one is hope. And it’s you know you don’t think of like alittle infant like your new grandbaby that’s going to be born developing something right right off the bat. Youknow all she’s going to do is poop, eat, and sleep, right? But in the in the background of all of that is she is likeit’s all about hope when you’re first born because it’s about the future. It’sabout where you’re going from here. So if you feel secure, you you have thatsecure attachment. It just feeds that hope. If you don’t have that, then youyou start immediately living in a state of survival, cryingall the time, lashing out, trying to get your needs met. You’re not actuallydeveloping hope. You’re just trying to survive. Um, should we go to the next one?Yeah. Stage two is, uh, Ericson calls it autonomy versus shame and doubt. Now youthink about this in the terms of like what you hear on our show talked a lot about with shame.Um Erikson saying that this is beginning really really early that as we’re starting to kind of navigate our world.This is from about 18 months to 3 years that typically people will be navigating this sort of stage in this crisis. Andum really what this is about, you think about it, Brandon, likeI remember is like a toddler is starting to like

Stage 2 (Autonomy vs. Shame) – Virtue: Will.

wanting to enforce their will on the world, right? They want to like I I don’t know if you remember this or not,but we were watching here at mom and dad’s place. We were teenagers at the time and I think we’re watching one ofour like little nephews or something and he was kind of just in the stage of likepotty training and he finally like nailed it and he he went to thehe went to the bathroom and he like had this massive accomplishment where he took a dump in the toilet and we’relike, “Oh, okay. Good for you.” You know, then we go to flush it and right when right right when we go to flush it,he just like he he just lost. He was like, “Don’t flush it. Don’t flush it.Like you remember that story? I remember that so wellbecause it was so I think because it was so funny. But but but really what it waslike showing is this is this is the stage that Erikson is talking about is is like I want to be able to start toown my own choices and I want to be able to impose my will on this world that I’mliving in even as young as being a toddler. Right. Right. Right. It’s it’s interesting likeit’s kind of it’s kind of cute but it’s like you know they’ll have like a athing of food. Right. And you’re like, “Hey, don’t drop that on the floor.” And they’ll just like slowly push it offlike And they’ll be looking at you the whole time like they’re just watching you as theydrop it on the floor like Yeah. Yeah. So they’re uh developingthey’re developing a sense of independence and um trying to figure out that that attachment and ultimately thevirtue is will is their will to do what they want and it’s important to developthat sense of will. So, um, okay.You see, but when a when a child doesn’t really get that opportunity to to practicethat will, what you see as they get older is is that they have a lot harder time with um with decision making andwith being able to take leadership for their own lives. They’re they’re kind of at the mercy of whoever tells themwhatever they need to do. Yeah. Yes. Um, that’s a good point,Tyler. It play I mean all of these things when when crisis takes over and you don’t gain that virtue, it it itcomes out later like it there there’s consequences later for it.Yeah. And it can come out sideways sometimes as well. Yeah. It’s interesting working withcouples and when when you when it really gets stressful and hard, what you’ll seeis one of the other partners start acting like a toddler, start acting like a child um because they haven’tdeveloped beyond that. And so when stress comes and it’s difficult, you’llsee the lack of development take place. Umokay, stage three. Umum well I want to back up just a little bit with stage two autonomy versus shame and doubt just because we talk aboutshame all the time. You can see this is where it’s starting to develop. Like already early on it’s starting todevelop. And when you don’t have a sense of self and know who you are, your autonomy and understand who you are, youstart to forget that and you start to develop an idea of who you are. And thatright there, we’re starting about the we’re talking about the seeds of shame, right? Yeah. Or or think about when you finallystart to learn to assert your will in the world and if you’re too often either ignored or punished for it becausebecause there is no other way to look at the world than from a self-centered view as a toddler. The messages that youstart to receive can definitely fuel that idea of shame and doubt. Um yes,especially coming off of trust versus mistrust. So now am I getting rejectedfor certain reasons? And the only way that I can put that together is that I must be bad or wrong or something,

Stage 3 (Initiative vs. Guilt) – Virtue: Purpose.

right? Yes. Yep. Which this next one goes right along with it. So stage three um is uhinitiative versus guilt. So children assert themselves more frequently anddevelop a sense of purpose and social interaction. Um,so this is where you’re starting to figure out purpose a little bit. Who areyou in your purpose? Are you going to take initiative? What’s your place in the world? Or are you not stepping intothat initiative and then feeling guilt because you’re not? That’s right. And you’re also beingstepped into places where social interactions with peers are starting to take place. you know, you’re going toyou’re starting to go to certain nursery school at in church or preschool.Um, and so you’re also figuring out a little bit just the very beginningparts of like social interaction and also where you fit in with that. Yeah. Like I remember in kindergartenum I was trying to use scissors to cut something and I grabbed left-handedscissors and I was trying to cut this thing and it wouldn’t cut. And I’m likethinking like what like what’s wrong with me? And this uh teachers aid cameover and did not handle the situation well. She’s like why do you keep trying to use the left-handed scissors blahblah blah. And I remember feeling so guilty. So guilty because I was using the wrongscissors. And um like if you think about thatthat stupid that I should feel any guilt about that, right? But at that stage of development for me something about thatsocial interaction, I had massive amounts of guilt about something like that. Right.Yeah. because you don’t know any other any other way to look at it again, right? Yeah. Um,okay. So, should we go to the stage four? Stage four is industry versusinferiority. So, this is ages, you know, 6 to 11 according to Ericson.And in essence they’re you’re starting to acquire theability to um work and be competent. Soyou’re trying that’s when you start going to school and you start getting grades and those grades start to measure whether or not you’re competent, right?Um there’s again the more social demands and where you fit in. And so there’s a lot of pressure toum perform and show that you measure up, that you make the cut, so to speak, that you make the grade. Um and kids 6 to 11

Stage 4 (Industry vs. Inferiority) – Virtue: Competence (spelling bee).

spend a lot of time trying to figure out where they’re going to land there. What am I good at?Yep. Is I mean, we’re starting that 6 to 11. And I remember in school like comparingmyself to others of go he’s really good at building stuff and I’m not as good ashim. Um and so like am I what am I goodat? How do I fit into this this world in terms of my contributionand how am I going to contribute? and you think six to 11, you’re thinking about that, but you are. When you’re inschool, you’re what grades do I get? What how well do I do? Am I going to excel or not?I remember I remember uh in sixth grade I had this like nickname that Mrs. Mrs.Angelen, if you remember her. Oh, how could I forget?She uh she gave me the name Angel Boy. And then I remember that I got like one day I got like three assignments aheadon my spelling and she like pointed it out in front of the class like how amazing I was at spelling. And so I camehome one day and it was getting to be this the time for the school spelling bee. And uh I was like I’m going to killit at the spelling bee because I’m so good at spelling because I’ve been told. So, I sat down and mom had me like writedown every word on the list like four times and get to the spelling bee andthen uh I I get like into the top 10 of the school on the spelling be and thenthey give me a word and the word was talc, you know, like talcum powder.Oh, yeah. I spelled talc. I bet I can spell it. Go ahead.T A L C. Talc. Talc. That is correct.Yes. I was I was Hey, when I was that age, I was great at the spelling be.You would have beat me because I spelled it t a and I was sitting there thinking it through like talc talc. And I’m liket a l kand they’re like that is incorrect. And I remember just like crumbling like oh my gosh I’m so bad. I’m so terrible atspelling now. So top 10 in the school, but you put a K onthe end. Telk is what did me in. So anyway, whenwhen you’re when you’re battling for competence, those are the those those are the experiences of thatbattleground, right? Well, I think like I always tell the story of mom showing up to elementaryschool to sign you and Rex up for the smart kids class and not me. And I wasin fifth grade. I was 10 years old. So I was in the thick of this of like am I good enough and it just hit me like ohand and and what what it triggered is inferiority. Um so the virtue to all of this is is isunderstanding your competence like where where you do fit in where is that valueand gaining that competence. Yep. Um okay stage five. This is this isreally interesting. 12 to 18 years old. Um, right now I have a 12-year-old, a14-year-old, and a 17-year-old in my house. So, we’re living in stage five inmy house. And and it’s so Yeah. Yeah.So, this one is identity versus confusion. Um, they need to teenagers need todevelop a sense of personal identity um or be confused about who they are.And this absolutely is the case. No question.

Stage 5 (Identity vs. Confusion) – Teens, groups, “rockers.”

In all sorts of areas of life, too. It’s, you know, it’s not just it’s notjust about competence and what I’m good at anymore. It’s it’s more of like the deeper things of how I identify myselfare are being wrestled for at this time. Yeah. and and you’ll see things like umwhat groups of friends do I attract to and get involved with that that is a youknow it shows my identity how do I dress how do I act how do like all of thesethings I remember doing work with a kid a teenage kid he was right in the stage he was like 14 years old and I was drivingaround and I was just kind of working doing PSR work which is like kind of like social skills training work. We’redriving somewhere and he turns to me one day and he’s like, “What group are you in? Who are you?” I’m like, “What do youmean?” He’s like, “Well, you know, like at school, you know, there’s like the Preps and there’s the Stoners andthere’s the Jocks and there’s the American Badasses.” And I’m like, “Well, um, he’s like,”You’re a jock.” And he like says it with like this like disdain in his voice. He’s like, “Yougot to be a jock or a prep, you know?” I’m like, “Well, actually, maybe a little bit of both. I don’t know. Like,who are you?” He’s like, “I’m an American badass.”I’m an American badass. Good for him. He He chose the right one, man. He nailed it.He was He was fighting He was fighting for his identity like crazy.That reminds me like I was thinking just just a week ago um one of my regrets inlife. I don’t know if you remember but there was this group that came to be in our neighborhood and in our junior highthat were that were known as the rockers. The rockers. They were into Metallica like MetallicaGuns and Roses. They all they wore black black shirts every day and they all grew their hair out andhad mullets and Yeah. had and I was just like I wish so bad I could go back and justrocker just be known as a rocker.That was the identity. Yeah. It’s funny. You know exactly what I’mtalking about. I knew the We knew the Rockers. We we we bumped shoulders with the rockers a few times.A few times. But yeah, they but they had something figured out. So, identity versus confusion. And um yeah, you’llsee you’ll see some like some kids really really get into that sense ofself and know who they are. And then others just really struggling and tryingto figure that out for themsel. Um so, okay. Should we go on?Um, yeah, let’s uh let’s continue on. So, we did identity confusion. That’s 12to 18. Stage six is intimacy versus isolation. Age is 18 to 40. So, there’sa pretty big gap here with people are stages. Um, but this is really aboutstarting to form intimate and loving relationships with other people. And the virtue is love.And if you think about that, like from 18 to 40, that seems to be kind of right at theprimacy of almost every person that we know, they’re trying to figure out what what love is.Yeah. In in different ways. So, um, people that get married or struggle to

Stage 6 (Intimacy vs. Isolation) – Love, attachment, loneliness risk.

get married or in relationships, um, if they want a relationship but can’t butcan’t find somebody or can’t develop a healthy relationship because of some oftheir attachment issues, um, there’s there’s feelings of of isolation.There’s feelings of loneliness, um, of a lack of something in their life. Um, same thing with when you havekids and or or even your relationships back with your family of origin. Are youfeeling more connected to them and and do you feel love there or do you feelmore?I’m not sureif we might have lost Brandon here for a second.So hopefully we’ll get Brandon back here. I don’t see him. Looks like he might have cut off on me for a second.So hopefully we’ll get him back. But basically it’s that idea of you know from 18 to to 40 years old we arelooking for deep meaningful relationships. And the risk is, and this is big part for us as human beings, backto kind of looking at um attachment typestuff, the risk is is that so many people as they’re battling for this, imagine now this, they’ve got the shamethat they’re that they’ve been trying to navigate, it tells them they’re not enough. They’re stepping into trying tofind someone who they can have deep, meaningful relationships with. And thenas that wrestle happens, there’s inevitably going to be some failures there, some struggles, some practice, some some trial and error. And the riskis feeling totally isolated, which is really scary for us as human beings. It’s one of the most painful things that we can experience. Um, but also on theflip side that umit it helps us to develop the virtue of love. And I think I think it helps us toactually define love so much more than maybe the way we were trained as kids with the the Disney kind of love. So,um, yeah, that’s a big one. And I think that’s one that Brandon and I actually deal with a lot because it’s such a highpain point for so many of the couples that we that we are dealing with when there’s been betrayal in the mix becauseit pulls the rug out from underneath this very conflict that’s going on to try to find and form deep and meaningfulrelationships. So, um, hopefully Brandon will join back on here in a minute. But, uh, stageseven is, um, this is where I would probably bethat Erikson would say I am right now is stage seven is middle adulthood fromages 40 to 65. And stage seven is called generativityversus stagnation. So what it means to be generativeis we become interested in legacy. We become interested intrying to create or build something to nurture something that will outlastus. This includes creating posterity, children, raisingchildren, contributing to the community, wanting to leave a mark on the world. umthis is where we spend a lot of our time and energy and this plays out with the statistics that that we are the mostsuccessful and we hit our highest earning potential during this stage of life financially. So this is where youkind of go from John Eldridge talks about this kind of in a different language when he’s talking about thishis book about um men called um fathered by God.He talks about a transition from going from a from a warrior to a king.

Stage 7 (Generativity vs. Stagnation) – Legacy, midlife meaning.

And in that sense, that’s what you’re navigating is early on, you’re likescrapping it out. You’re worried about love. You’re worried about other things. Um, but then as you kind of getestablished, you kind of create what you’re good at. You’ve had your identitystarted settle in, and then you start thinking about what am I going to do to have to leave an impact on this world.Now, if I don’t navigate that, then I can become extremely depressed. And that’s where stagnation comes in. Thingsfeel like they slow down. I’m left kind of like in this midlife crisis placewhere that’s what midlife crisis really is. Is you’re looking back at your world and going,”Huh, have have I left anything meaningful behind? Is my life like worthanything? What’s it all for?” And a lot of times people, this is why you see themidlife crisis come in is like we’re scrambling looking for ways to find meaning, purpose, to feel alive, to feelvibrant in life again. And we’re what we’re really doing is we’re navigating this stage of generativity versusstagnation. And so the more that I feel like I’m going into stagnation, the more panic and depression I’m going to haveabout what the whole meaning and purpose of life is. Um the virtue that getsdeveloped is care andthat I I develop a deeper sense of caring when I when I navigate this oneeffectively and if I don’t navigate it effectively then I sink further and further intopurposelessness and then then you see a lot of other mental health issues come up with that.So the last stage here is stage eightand this is from 65 years to death and this is integrity versus despair.Um, this is where you kind of, you know, John Eldridgees calls it moving to thisstage of being the sage where you start to reflect back on yourlife, your accomplishments. Um, and people who can look back on theirlife and their accomplishments and feel like they’ve had a life well-lived, they achieve what Ericson calls egointegrity. It’s like a feeling of congruence. There’s a feeling of deep satisfaction. And there’s a feeling oflike um acceptance and and completeness. And those who get stuck in this stagewho don’t feel that sense of ego integrity, they often kind of drop deepinto despair. And I don’t think it’s an accident that when you look at like these stages andyou look at statistics on on suicide, the most lethaluh suicide is, you know, the early age 18 to 28ish.Um but then the second highest rate for suicide is actually among elderly people. And you know, if you’ve livedyour whole life dreaming about things and trying to move towards something and then you’re looking back on your life and feeling like you didn’t accomplishwhat you were designed for, you’re not living the life that you that God intended you for. Uh that despair can bereally really painful. And that despair will lead to um bitterness sometimes,uh cynicism, criticism. Um it can also lead to just completedepression. Um, but if I can look back at my life and saybasically I’ve done everything I can to be successful number one and I’ve doneeverything I can to like align myself with my values and live a congruent life with my values. Then I’m looking back atmy life and I’m I’m recognizing that I’vein in essence even the bumps and the bruises now take on new meaning because of what they created me to be and thestories that I now have to share with my posterity and the people that matter to me. Um and so the virtue is wisdomin this last stage where wisdom is wisdom is earned.Wisdom is wisdom is kind of the the culmination of the lessons that I’velearned over the fact that I’ve been in the arena of life fully engaged in living it. And so right now I’mprobably, you know, talking about generativity versus stagnation. That’s the age group I’m in. But that’s alsopart of what’s kind of hitting me right now. And that’s maybe why Brandon wanted to talk about this today isum it I’m going to get a little bit emotional maybe, but it it just kind of hits you differently when you wake upand you realize that what you see in your mind’s eye is a little girl putting on princessdresses and cowboy boots and running around. and that little girl is now having a new

Stage 8 (Integrity vs. Despair) – Reflection, wisdom.

baby. And you you realize pretty quickly that you’re moving into a new stage of life.And you hope that you’re going to be the kind of grandfatherthat can’t wait to share his life and the lessons thathe’s learned and the stories that he has with a brand new child that’s cominginto this world. And that’s the navigation of those stages.And so we’re kind of turning the chapter right now and um it’s kind of a specialtime. It’s funny how life kind of offers us those opportunities for transition sometimes. And if you guys are relatingto any of these stages, I just challenge you to number one, be compassionate andkind with yourselves first about wherever you’re at and realize that wherever you’re at is probablyright where you should be and to know that it’s going to be all right.You know, I don’t there’s a a comedian Tom Papa. He gives this little bit. It’sso funny. He’s like he’s talking about how so many people are so worried about everything. They’re worried about theirweight. They’re worried about their looks. They’re worried about who they’re going to marry. They’re worried about, you know, and he’s like, you he tells the story of like going into hisdaughter’s room late at night. He’s like, I can’t just go into my daughter’s room and like sit there at 3:00 in the morning staring at her and be like, tellme it’s going to be okay. He’s like, but we all feel that existential threat from time to time.He’s like, I just got news for you. He’s like, that’s life. You’re going to be okay. Like, it’s going to be okay.And uh I think that’s the message maybe to to to think about today is that it’swherever you’re at, you’re probably right where you should be. Give yourself some grace and then realize that there’svirtues that you’re developing right now wherever you’re at, regardless of yourcircumstance. So Brandon, I got you back, man. Yeah, I’m sorry. I I came back just intime to to hear you. That was awesome. And um it just makes me think about aswe reflect on life um you know those that the feeling thatI’m feeling from you of of gratitude and love and appreciation for for thedevelopment of life for there there’s something bigger about these stages ofdevelopment um and and I think that’s that’s accepting the nature of of what

Thresholds – Becoming a grandpa; gratitude and perspective.

we’re doing here is that we get to go through all of these things and umexperience all of these things and and to to watch you kind of cross cross a threshold today is exciting but it is amoment to stop and reflect on all the learning like every stage throughout that process. Um, you know, I just gotcut off because my kids won’t get off the TV. So, my they’re they’re home for fall break and my wife just unpluggedthe internet just like you’re done and unplugged the internet and and uh we’rein a certain stage of life, you know, me and my wife are in a stage, my kids are in a stage and it’s beautiful. It’sbeautiful. Um, it it reminds me of uh like I think ithappened like probably multiple times, but being down in Fen, Utah at Uncle Doug’s and Aunt Punkin’s place and overthere like speakers in their house. This is Bigs’s house. This is Big’s house. Big’s house. This is Big’s house. Speaker’s house on Sunday morning. UncleDoug thinks he’s funny and he puts on this talk and all it says over the speakers of the house is like, “Our children, our greatest joy, our greatestproblem or something like some some talk, you know, our greatest challenge, their greatest challenge.” And UncleDoug’s laughing and then like a week later he’s going down and like cutting the cord to the like Xbox because theyor the Nintendo because they’re playing too much. Like that was the stage of life they were at right then, you know?Right. But uh but that that really is that really is what it is and what you said Brandon

“Good Stuff” – Family jokes; embracing each stage.

those stages really do offer they they offer us a ton and and to go along withwhat Uncle Doug you know of course I can’t can’t end this episode without referencing Uncle Doug used to call mydaughter something. It was around a Kenny Chzn song right Kenny Chzn nailedErikson stages with the good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So, he he’d always call meup and he’d be like, “Hey, T.” He’s like, “How’s the good stuff?” You know,like Meanwhile, I just got in had a huge battle with her where she got groundedfrom wearing princess dresses for two days because she was talking back to her mom or something, you know? I’m like,”The good stuff is sassy right now, you know?”So, anyway, it is it’s you guys, it’s all the good stuff. It’s good stuff.Yeah. Yeah, Tyler, thank you for holding that holding it down for me while Idisappeared for a minute and I I knew you’d do fine. So, um, congratulationson everything that’s going on. I can’t wait to meet the baby myself. Cross. We’ll see how it goes.Yeah. So, all right, you guys. If this was helpful, uh, please, um, leave us areview, share it, and until next time, keep on keeping on.