Because Of My Kids I Have To Navigate Life With My Ex, How Do I Do That Without Resentment?

Because of my kids, I have to navigate life with my ex. How do I do that?Hey, Tyler. Brandon, good to see you, man. Good to see you, too. Anything new goingon in your life? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I I actually felt bad.We were going to come down and watch your daughters play this weekend. And um and then I had my daughter and her herboyfriend show up like up from college and then it was like this weird energyand um like I like something was off and then finally like my daughter grabs hersisters and and my wife and they’re like, “Hey, we got to go do this errand.” And so I’m stuck with nothingbut my my daughter’s boyfriend. I’m like, “Well, let’s go take the dog for a run, I guess.” And thenyou’re being, you know, what’s happening. And then I’m like, “Oh crap, here here it comes.” And I’ve got all these likestirring emotions of like, “Oh man, now I got another daughter that’s going to be gone again.” And yeah, he asked me toif he, you know, so it’s the weirdest thing because he comes and he like asks like he’s like he’s sincerely askingpermission to marry my daughter when in reality he could just look at me with two bird fingers and be like, “Hey, I’mgoing to marry your daughter.” Yeah. Yeah. Um, but uh we had a we wehad a really good conversation and now I’m just stuck like you could tell my energy was off today a little bit, Brandon, right when we jumped on andit’s like I got all this like fatherhood stuff churning inside of me, you know,like h like I hope they’re going to be all right and like what questions should I be asking and like what you know it’slike okay like it’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fine. Lexi’s got a good head on her shoulder. She’s picked a good guy. They’re going to be reallygood together. Like they’re going to create a great life. Um, but as a father, you just can’t help but but havesome of that run through you still. Yeah. Um, sorry, Tyler. I was glitchinga little bit there. But, um, take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. This isexciting. I like your point about uh, you know that song rude.Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That song is going through my head right when he starts talking to me. Yeah. Yeah. He’s like, truth is likeyour best move is I mean, you got to be honest with the kid, right? and like open what? But it’s just like all right,like why do they have to be so rude? I’m going to marry her anyway. Yeah, I’m going to marry her anyway.Um so well well congratulations. That’s awesome. Yeah, it’s cool, man. We’ll see. We’ll see what happens here. Probably not. Gotanother wedding coming up here pretty soon. So yeah, that’s great. Yeah. Umlet’s jump into it, Brandon. Let’s do it. So uh go ahead. Yeah, we have him. Yeah, we have we haveuh a repeat caller of episode 464. We got Jordan. So, if you guys arelistening and you want to kind of like compare and contrast the episodes, you’ll kind of get a lot more of the backstory there, too. And what whereJordan was at a few months ago to where we’re at now. And uh Jordan, we’re soglad you’re back on here with us and happy to have another discussion with you. Yeah, I’m glad to be back here.Yeah. um tell catch us up a little bit on kind of from the first meeting tillnow tell any part of your story that you care to especially parts that would be helpful for us to help you and then let’s dive into your question.Yeah. So, um, back when we last spoke, um, me andmy ex were trying to navigate things and, um,you know, I think when we last spoke, you know, we we touched on that a lot, like just just what I was doing versuswhat I couldn’t do. Um, and how how the work I was doing um, just felt like itwasn’t wasn’t ever going to meet expectations. And um and so I I can’tquite remember how long it was after we talked, but we went on a trip with our son, took him on a birthday trip, andthere was some things that came up over the weekend. Um, and it really made me Ithink it’s through the work that I did through the last year, um, just becoming more emotionally aware and just in tunewith myself, I was just I saw some things and some patterns and I realized that the work that I was doing and theway I was showing up was really like it was never going to be enough. And um,and I’ll touch on that in a minute. Um, but I spoke with my wife at the time um when we got back from that trip and Isaid, “Look, um, this is what I’m seeing.” And, um, I just feel like I amtaking steps forward for myself and I’m reaching back to try to hold your handand bring you with me and it’s just it’s just you don’t you’re you’re refusing to take the steps with me. Um, I just laidit out there for her and I said, “I’m not going to be the one that decides if we get divorced or not.” Um, you need todecide right now. Not Not right now. I said, “You need to decide for yourself. Uh, if if you want to try to make thiswork or not. I’m not going to make as an I’m not going to make you make a decision right now, but um, you need todecide for yourself if you want to try to make this work. Uh, and if you don’t,then you need to let me know and and we’ll get divorced. Um, so I said, I’m I’m going to let you sit on this for alittle bit because I’m I’m just feeling like I’m not feeling like you’re wanting to make this work. And so I gave hersome time. Um, the next evening we sat down and I said, “Did you think about things?” And she said, “I did and Ithink we should get divorced.” And I asked her why. Um, I said, “Okay, canyou at least tell me why? because the way I’ve showed up for you is is what you’ve said you’ve needed from me and tojog like the viewers um mind from what happened last time. It there was a lotof like the main reason was like I had a lot of resentment in my heart and I was pretty distant from her. Um and so Iwasn’t giving her the affection that she said she needed. We were basically just roommates living together and so shestepped out of the marriage. Um, and so, um, I asked her back, now moving backforward to the discussion, I said, “Can you give me the reason why?” Um, and shesaid, “I just know I I’ll never be good enough for you.” Um, and and uh and thatwas it. And so I and and I said, I think that’s a copout because you’re um you’reputting my expectations like you’re blaming my expectations for this divorce and I only expect what’s necessary and Ijust I want you to show up for me the way I’m showing up for you. I want you to just give me a hug. Tell me that I’mworth it. Um just just validate me staying in this relationship after you stepped out onme. like tell me that I’m that I’m worth it after you stepped out on me. And so she couldn’t um and I told her it was acopout and and I was very frustrated and I said I think it’s a copout. Like that’s just a horrible a horribleexcuse. Um and then so uh the next day I did some thinking and I and the next dayI approached her and I said I believe that you feel too much shame and guiltfor what happened and you’re not able to look at yourself in the mirror and that’s why you’re not doing work for yourself. And she looked at me dead inthe eyes and said you’re right. you’re right. I can’t I can’t can’t do it. She goes, I I feel too guilty and I can’t do the work for myself and so I I thinkthis is why we need to get divorced. And I said, okay. So, um and that’s andthat’s kind of what that’s what happened. And so, um Ithrough this journey since the divor and we’re legally divorced now and and and through the process of divorce, um itwas it was really healthy. It was a really healthy um dissolvement of ourmarriage. we we agreed on most things and I just I really just wanted to like close that chapter for myself. And so umand then and then moving forward through the separation process umI and that’s kind of why I’m calling today is that I’m I’m really just likethere’s so much resentment in my heart and just and just anger for what happened. Um and that’s I work on myselfdaily. I listen to your podcast and other podcasts. I journal. Um, I meditate, I pray, uh, I listen to music,I um, you know, and and I’m not saying like that I’m trying to avoid avoidthings that hurt. I’m just trying to like right now that anger and hate in myheart, it sucks because I we have two kids together and I have to show up andnavigate my life with her every day. And I want to be the best father I can befor my children. And and and I and I Ifeel like I do a really good job. And I’m not trying to brag or glow, but I feel like I do a really good job. I’venever I’ve never bad obviously obviously have never bowed out to her to our children. Um I’ve never even I’ve nevershowed them any sort of negative emotion. I talked about their mom around them like like I love her like shematters and like like we’re you know we’re a family like she’s included like you know we’re a team. Like today I saidlike my daughter said something and and I said no and I said your mom and I are on a team so even if you go talk to herwe’re we’re on a team and she’s going to tell you the same thing and you know like and so like I try to do everything in a really positive healthy way forthem but deep down inside like for myself I just have this anger in myheart and it hurts like physically it hurts and um and I’m just trying to figure out how to to navigate that inthe best way possible. um for myself and then yeah just like just really that like howcan I move forward in this life in the best way for me and and it’s not only for like my kids but it’s for me like I want to be able to to continue movingforward and and I’m not and I’m I I understand like there there will be triggers for a very long time there willbe thoughts for a very long time like I’m not like I I know that I need to give myself grace but like I still wantto have all the tools in my toolbox possible I like I still and that’s, you know, why I’m coming to you guys cuzuh yeah. So that’s really like where I’m at now, what I’m what I’m what I’m going through. So when when did the divorce finalize? Howlong has it been? I can’t hear you, Brandon. I don’t know if you guys can hear me, but I can’t hear you.Jordan, I can hear you. And I can hear Brandon, but he did get disconnected for a second. So I’m wonderingI can’t hear you guys. You can’t hear. Let’s try.Yes. Can you hear me? Yes.So, we can’t hear him. Um, so we can hear his brother, Tyler, but we can’t hear him.Let’s try this one thing.All right, Jordan. Can you hear anything now? Yeah, something happened.Can you hear now? Give me your lips, but I can’t hear you.Okay,there we go. Is that better now? Yep. Brandon, can you hear? Yeah,I can hear Brandon can’t hear me.All right. Is that any better? Brandon me. Hello. Still can hear him.But you can hear me. I can hear you. Yes. And I can hear Brandon.But I can’t But you can’t hear him. And I can hear you both.What the heck? Maybe you can just translate Brandon’s questions. I can hear you roll.That’s interesting. Let’s uh let’s do one more thing really quickly, Jordan. And sorry to our audience here. We’llcome right back on here with this. I’m going to stay on since mine seems to be working just fine. Both of you guyscompletely remove yourselves and come back in and let’s just see if we can get that to work properly.Okay. Um sorry to the guys who are here withus. We’re trying out a new system still and um hopefully we’re going to get thisfigured out and it’ll be right and better for everyone, but we’re still working out the the kinks a little bit.So, we’ve got Brandon back now and you can hear. Hello. Can you hear me? Yes. Can you hear?Yeah. Okay. All right. Let’s try Jordan here. Let’s get him back in here. And Jordancan hear me. Can he hear Brandon? Hello. I can hear you guys. Hey,perfect. It worked. That was weird. That was really strange. I thinksomething happened when Brandon moved. He moved and then it kind of disconnected and it split everything for a second. So, I think that’sblaming me. Yeah, it’s always Brandon’s fault. Yeah, it’s always Brandon’s fault. So, anyanyway, um we’re we’re on together. Let’s let’s pick back up here. So, so just to kind of recap what you’ve sharedin in a short period of time, you’ve you kind of went through kind of the painful part and you probably read it, right?And your your ex was like, “Yeah, I am in a ton of shame and I’m not in a place to do that work that led to the divorce.Now you’re in a relationship where because you guys have kids together, you have to interact with each other. You’re trying to provide a united front asparents, but deep inside yourself, you’re still really wrestling with a lot of anger and a lot of resentment towardsher.” Yes. and you’re like, I just I’m doing everything I know how. I’m taking care of myself. I’m doing my dailies. Like,but I still have this kind of like deep-seated resentment. Let’s let’s talk about how to deal with the resentment.Is that good? Is that where we’re at? Yeah. Yeah. All right. So, um, and then, um, I wasjust kind of wondering, you know, if you were to sit with that for just a second, Jordan,but if we could, if we could crack into your head and pull the actual story out, like we were reading it in a book, likewhat is the story that goes on in your head that is connected to the anger and the resentment?Yeah. Um, it’s a it’s a that’s a great question and it’s a question I put a lot of thought to and I and I’ve and I’vesat with a lot. Um, and I think the story that is in my head is that I justdon’t I don’t understand how like I’m the one like I was the person that likeshe was supposed to love, never never betray, like trust the most. And and thestory that I I always tell myself because it’s what was I was told and it’s what I know is that likeyou it it was an emotional affair, a physical affair, and it all happened when she was laying in bed with me atnight. And like and it just hurt. It hurts deeply and I just and and and andI just and like I what I see is that like there’s no accountability like likeshe she she goes about her life.Go back to Zoom probably. Let’s try this one more time, Brandon,and see. Cut out. Can you guys hear me? Hello.Yes. Weird. So, um, okay. So, this but but uhthere’s just no accountability like like she she goes about life now with me.Like everything is normal and fine and and healthy. like for Christmas, you know, she she brought the kids over hereuh Christmas morning because Santa does give us at dad’s house, too, which um she almost didn’t um but she did and Iappreciated that. And she actually brought like several presents for me, which I thought was very strangebehavior like and it was really uncomfortable for me. Um like there was gifts from her, gifts from the kids,gifts like gifts for me and my dog. like it was just strange and and like hurtfulin a lot of ways. And I just feel like in her life,it’s just like easier to live like things always were, just not married andand and continue to ignore what happened. And and so that’s like thestory I tell myself. And it’s like until like I know it’s I’m probably nevergoing to get closure. probably never going to get the sorry, like the real true deep apology, but I but I feel likeI hold on so often to this feeling is not going to go away until I get thatuntil you get her accountability. Yeah. Right. Like really saying likeshowing up and saying like I’m really really sorry. Like this is this is the truth of what happened. This is how Ihurt you. But like just acknowledging it and taking accountability for that. Do you see the setup for yourself withthat? Yeah. You mean like how is it affecting me? Well, just just how that sets you up togive her all the power. Yeah. Yeah. And that’s Yeah, for sure. Yeah.I do. I understand why you you you have that story. It makes a lot of sense. Butit puts you in a in a powerless position. I know. Yeah. And that’s something I journal about a lot is like like I likelike my like I get to redefine my story for what it is. Like I have the I tellmyself those things, but deep down inside like I just feel this way still and that’s where I’m at.Well, think about Jordan. Think about what that resentment and anger does for you. So like it’sit it’s like well I can’t let go of it until she apologizes. Mhm. So that’s showing that it’s serving afunction like there’s a purpose to it. Um so what are you thinking that it’sdoing for you? Um I I on likeit’s like a double-edged sword because sometimes I feel like it’s not serving me. There’s not a purpose. And thensometimes I feel like like like sometimes I feel like I’m just like,”Yeah, this 2026 is my year. I’m gonna show her what what I’m I’m capable of, what she missed out on. Like it’s just Iuse it as fuel for myself, but I don’t know if that’s healthy. And that’s soYeah. I I wonder like if we could just explore that question Brandon just asked a little bit more. This is justsomething that’s going through me as you’re talking and especially with what you just said about I’m going to use it as my ear. Like this is going to beeverything she missed out on. Like again there’s a story behind using that asmotivation that and when I asked you the story earlier you started the story but you didn’t actually say the dialogueinside of what’s going on in your head. You kind of said you know this is the person that’s supposed to this and thisand this and then and then she did this to me while I was lying next to her in bed like therefore what? Like what’swhat’s the actual story? And and I wonder if there’s part of the story here thatyou’re you’re in the process of grieving loss still as you as you should be, anybody would be. And the resentment’san interesting tool that allows you tostill cling to her without having to be as vulnerable and while also stillsomehow staying divorced. Yeah. Um but but what ends up happeningis is that it’s the fuel that’s kind of keeping you somehow connected possiblyeven though it’s driving you crazy. Yeah. I never really thought of it likethat. Like it’s still allowing you to like cling to her in a way. Yeah. She she spends a lot of time inyour in your head and your man. Yeah.It’s uh it’s interesting like you can you can hear thereally the codependency of like I’m going to have a great year and I’m going to be so healthy and awesome so that Ican prove to her that she missed out. Yeah. I need to reinforce to her shame thatshe really made a bad mistake by leaving me. Yeah. She still holds so many cards. Like evenif you go meditate eight hours a day and exercise for the other eight, um if ifthe backdrop is because I’m going to prove myself to her, um you’re still inthat place where you haven’t moved on. So it doesn’t matter what you do. Yeah. And see this whole time like I’vebeen telling myself like I’m not codependent. I don’t need her. Like I’m I’m better by myself. Like I’m I’mcontent. I have more peace in my life. But yeah, I think maybe deep down like you guys are telling me like I still I Iam codependent on her and that’s it makes me wonder Jordan of like whatyou’re having a hard time separating her actions from you like and and I be I tryto be really careful when I talk to a betrayed person when I say this, but like what she’s done is not about you.Mhm. Um her lack of accountability, her cheating on you, her hurting you, thathas nothing to do with you. Now you’re like, “But I’m going to be good enough and prove to her that she made a bigmistake.” Or, “Why couldn’t she love me? I was so good. Like, I don’t like to to to actually consider it hasnothing to do with you takes control out of your hands.” Yeah. And by the way, you’re already divorcedand the control is out of your hands. So, you have this illusion of control. with this resentment and codependencythat’s not even working for you. Um, and this overattachment to her. Now, when Isay it’s not about you, what do you think? How does that feel? I I mean, like it feels it feels good.And like that’s what I I I tell myself that, too. And I think I think what I’m hearing is like her decisions havenothing to do with me. Like it’s it’s not it has nothing to do with me. Like I am enough because I’m enough. Like itlike I didn’t I didn’t cause like I didn’t cause her to cheat on me. Like I didn’t I didn’t force her to cheat onme. I didn’t force her to divorce on me. I didn’t force her to continue these actions that she’s still like is that what you’re saying? Cuz like that’s howI feel. Yeah. Are you a good man? Yeah. Are you a good father? Are you are youloved? Are you like do all of those things exist whether she like chooses tolove you or chooses to reject you? Yeah. Yeah. That’s true. Right. I don’t feellike you know that. Like I feel like you know it up here, but do you know it down here? And soyour resentment is coming back and saying I got to go I got to go like still prove to her that I’m lovable.Yeah. And um why are you proving that to her? Like you got to find that withinyourself because it’s going to be really hard to let go of resentment toward her who has rejected you. Yeah.Unless unless you figure that out inside of you. For sure. Right. Yeah. Easier said than done. There’s ways todo it. So, yeah. How does that land with you, Jordan?I mean, it hurts in good ways because like I I think likeI spend so much time telling myself the opposite of that. like like like I tellmyself like I guess I guess for me like when I whenI look at myself like I don’t I don’t want to feel like I don’t feel loved orthat I’m not enough like because like that’s what hurt so bad inthe beginning and it’s why I got into such a bad place when this all happened and it’s why I went in the spiral and depression is because I felt like Iwasn’t enough and I felt like I wasn’t lovable. And I did so much work for myve I’ I’vecontinued to do so much work for myself over this past year. Like it’s been a year now. And like I feel like I’vegotten to this place where I feel so much better than I did before. So Ithink for me it was like well now I do feel loved. I do feel like I’m good enough. But I think from what I’mhearing is like my actions deep down inside because like this place of like resentment and and hate in my heart isstill coming from that place of like subconsciously like I don’t feel like I’m enough still and I’m trying to proveto her like I am. No, go ahead, Tyler. No, go. I was just saying that’s whatwe’re saying. How does that land with you? Does that feel like there’s some truth to that? Yeah, it does. It does. as in like youguys are the first people I go to therapy weekly and I haven’t heard that.So you guys are the first people that have told me that. Well, and I take it a step further, Jordan, and ask why. Like where doesthat come from? Yeah.I mean, I have a strong history of like bad like relationships. Like I’ve I’vealways been hurt and cheated on and let down. Um so I don’t know if it’s I meanI think it comes from before Aaron ever since like I mean even high school like I went through like some verballyabusive relationships and I was cheated on before and so like I maybe from thereI I don’t I don’t know. But but let’s let’s like let’s look at that for a second more as the fruitsnot the roots. So like why are you finding women that will reject you andcheat on you and hurt you? Um where I think it come fromI I don’t see I don’t know because initially things seem great like thing things seem like like things alwaysstart out good right like you’re always in like that like that new phase of like love and like exploration and like it’sit’s new. you’re just dating somebody. And then and then I think like I get toa po and I and I and I I think what I’m what I’m feeling is like I get to a point where things eventually flip. Thescript flips and then things aren’t good anymore, but I stay attached and then and then that’s when bad things happen.And so um like I I guess I don’t really know how to like answer the question.Well, like could could I ask a two questions,Jordan? The first one is is as Brandon’s kind of going after some of this right now, your your body language has donesome interesting things. Could if you checked into your body right now, like what are the emotions that you would say are present?Um like sadness. Yeah.I don’t know. Just pain. Yeah. Yeah. Um I just want to createjust a just a split second for space for that. Jordan, I I just want you to knowthat Brandon and I at least are here as witnesses to that. And uh and of courseyou’re feeling that. Anybody who goes through what you’ve been through isgoing to feel that pain and sadness. Anybody. Yeah.Um so so I don’t there’s no judgment in that. I want I want I want there to be aspace for you to be seen going like it’s okay to feel that way. Um,to jump back on where Brandon was going with you, if it’s okay inside of that, and this is where sometimes I wonder ifwe’re so unconscious of the internal workings that we we keep repeating history without knowing, and it’s likereally exasperating and it’s really, really frustrating. And I’m wondering, and Brandon, you can correct me ifyou’re going in a different direction than this, but I’m wondering if like these past relationships,my approach to those relationships was such that I’m going to find somebody whoscratches the itch of helping me feel complete. Yeah. And by nature of doing that, I’m alsopairing myself with somebody who’s coming in with a similar energy. And so, they’re looking for you to completethem, too. Yeah. And then the Twitter patient wears off because it always does. And now there’stwo people who are going, “But am I enough? Am I enough? Am I enough?” Yeah.And there’s not enough to extract back and forth from each other to ever scratch that itch fully. And then you’relike, “But she was so good. Like she loved me. She couldn’t wait to see me. She told me how awesome I was. Like sexwas great. Whatever else like then all of a sudden it wasn’t there anymore.” Yeah. It’s like, oh, but but how didwhat was I going into the relationship for? Like, was I going there to sign upwith somebody on a spiritual path of growth and challenge and struggle and healing and connection, or was I gettinginto with somebody who had the same energy as me of, man, we need to we need to complete each other because it’s tooscary. Yeah. Um, and that’s where I think Brandon’s questions are going is like,where did you learn that? Yeah. If that’s true, if any of that’s true.Yeah. Like I I I do like I Yeah, I do feel like that is that has been thecase. Um,yeah. I I mean, I think I just I uh I don’t know. I mean, I I know itdoesn’t come from like early childhood. Like, I was loved. Like, I had a greatfamily growing up, a very loving family. Um, I don’t I don’t believe that it comesfrom there. Like I know in high school like again like I think it goes back toreally probably I I I feel like the high school like there was you know I just I was um you know going through theawkward stage. I had a ton of acne. Like I, you know, and I and I did hear my family say some pretty damaging thingsto me. Like they felt bad for me because of my of how I looked and um and I heardthat like I wasn’t supposed to, but I heard it at night one time, my parents talking and and they were just concerned, you know, they just wereconcerned like I would be as a parent and and but I heard that my grandma would always say things to me like, “Oh, your poor face.” and you know like umjust directly to me and then you know there was little kids who would say like what’s wrong with his face and you knowI I think like I don’t know if it comes from there like I know there that that I still feelum I I don’t know where like that codependency or like trying to get thatlike itch scratch comes from. I really don’t I would I would guess there’s something to that to what you’re bringing up, butI would guess that’s not the full full thing. So, um I think there’s probablyyou’re probably unconscious of some little tea trauma that that you’ve hadand um and it’s really developed I I like where Tyler started. It it’s developed this story and the story thatI’m hearing is that I’m gonna be rejected because I’m not good enough.And it sounds like, and and hang in here with me, Jordan, when I say this, cuzI’m trying to help you through this resentment, but it sounds like your ex-wife playedher part perfectly um in the story that you created. Now, I’m not letting her off the hookfor her indiscretions or whatever she did, right? But you found you found aperfect person for that story. Mhm. Do you see what I’m saying? I do. So when I say that to you, there’sthere’s good news in this. It’s that you have ownership and you can createsomething different. But in order to create something different, you’re going to have to faceone of your scariest demons. And you’re kind of you’re you’re touching on it as you’re talking aboutyour acne and the things that you heard and just those moments of I’m not I’mnot good enough. I’m not lovable. I’m not. People don’t want me or desire me. Yeah. Those things are playing out now as anadult and you’re saying like, “Yeah, but I I know that’s not true.” But you don’t know that’s not true.Yeah. And so you’ll you’ll repeat this pattern and find another woman to prove youright again. Um unless you actually stopand and and deal with that fear. Um what do you think about what I’m saying? Likehow are you feeling about that? No. Yeah. No, it makes sense. And I’m just accepting it for what it is. I I Ifeel like that’s true. She Could we say she’s done a great job?Yeah. Yeah. Had a hard time saying that. Yeah. Yeah. She did a good job.Really well, right? Yeah. Yeah. And you’ll do a You’ve done a great job for her, too. She just doesn’t know ityet. And when you get all ripped and buffed and have a six-pack and your world’s best dad and she can just reallyregret that she actually said no to you and got divorced to you, you’ll continue to do a great job for her.Yeah. For in in manifesting the very things that you guys really didn’t want in thefirst place. Yeah. Um and so so so that’s it though becauseand this is where I think we’re trying to tie back into the resentments you feel again. We’re trying to empower you here.Did what she do was wrong? Yes. Did she probably make a pretty rash decisionbased out of shame? That’s that’s very very possible. Is it okay that you don’t like those things?Yes. Does it suck that you have to have the loss and the grief of the relationship opened up every other daywhen you’re there with opening presents or dropping off kids or doing parenting stuff today. That sucks.But I would bet that the resentment is only partially about all of thoselogistics and the resentment is actually about like the more you tap into thattrue like and I’m holding my heart heart selflove you know compassiongratitude identity work the less the resentment is going to be there becausethose things are interconnected with each other like she because she is the mirror imageright now of the story, you’re going to resent that. Yeah. Right. So, somehow the story has tochange and the story is not going to change without some like heart work. The head work’s great. You need to do theheadwork. You’re doing that. You’re Yeah. And I even hear you doing some heart work. You’re doing your dailies. You’re practicing the stuff. You got some ofthose tools. Um, but yeah, I think you’re leaving, you’re walking yourself to the the mouth of the cave ofI need to have a different experience with what it’s like to be alone and I need to have a different experience withwhat it’s like to have I I’ve got to learn to experience rejection from a woman differently.Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that’s going to suck.Yeah. you know, because that’s going to take some reps and some practice and some other internal work that’s not fun.Yeah. And you know, it’s it’s like like I I think like I’m trying to like whenyou when you said like the ree like the rejection thing just a minute ago, like I tell myself now that like datingsounds gross to me. Like I I don’t even like want to date. Like I’m trying and I think that might be a protective measurefor myself because I think deep down inside like I don’t want that again. like I I like I’m finally at a place where I’m like working on myself, doingdoing good things for myself, trying trying to do good things for myself and m you know, going to the gym again andand eating right and showing up as a father and taking care of myself. Like the last priority for me in my life islike like it’s not that I want to go find a partner. I’m like refusing to evenacknowledge that. Like I don’t want I like I’m trying to like turn the other way and just say nope, I don’t wantthat. Like that sounds that sounds gross to me. Like I don’t want that. But that maybe that’s a protective measure. Like even even if it finds melike I’m still like in my heart and like and like just like nope that’s doesn’t sound good. I don’t want that. I’m justgoing to refuse it. Like yeah. Is there another way? But somewhere somewhere in between I reallyreally need you to love me and I want to prove myself to you so that you see that I’m good versus I’m I’m good. Don’t needlove. I’m out. Like is there something totally different than than either one of those things?Sure there is. Yeah. And and what is that?Like I I think for me like what I’m telling myself is like if I can get to like the place in my life where I don’tsubconsciously or like deep down feel if I if I can like if I can like work onthese challenges that I’m facing and really break them down for what they are and figure them out and heal from them,then I think I can approach a relationship like I’m enough for me regardless of what happens. I love that. Yeah, that that’s awesome.um as long as it’s not a push away because it’s like I don’t want to get rejected. You’reyou’re creating rejection either way, right? whether you’re in a relationship and like like I I’m sureJordan there’s there’s parts of if we were to talk to her if she really like opened up about some things and youmight you might be unconscious of this but she might be like I was smothered inways that that like are hard to articulate but I felt that I I felt a lot ofpressure and that pressure made me want to like escape that that relationship.ship, right? So, so you could be working out, helping with the kids, like doingall this stuff, but but with the intention of really being wanting to be loved, that could create that rejectionthat we’re create that we’re talking about, right? I love I love what you’re saying of like take a step backand and this really is the first step is like don’t let’s not dive into another relationship tomorrow. Like let’s justchill like life’s long. You got some time, right? Yeah. Um, so, so take a step back. Ilove hitting the gym, taking care of your body. Like, the more physically healthy you can be, the better, right?Because that sets you up to start to have the energy and do the the deep downwork of of healing those those deep wounds inside of yourself.Yeah. And what I would encourage you to do is, and I don’t know what you’re doing with this, but you need to findopportunities to surrender and let go and be present in in a moment and haveGod come in or have just have experience come in and shift, feel somethingdifferent. Yeah. So whether that’s through holotropic breath work or just reallygood mindfulness practice or coming to a retreat or a awesome art EMDR sessionlike those type of things open up these portals to give you a glimpse that I’mnot that I’m not that kid that got teased for my acne. Yeah. I’m actually something different thanthat. And when you feel the gap and you’re like, “Oh, wait. Like, I’mdifferent than what I what I felt and now I feel different.” Yeah. Um, so there’s awesome things to do.Like there’s modalities. There’s there’s opportunity. Um, and if you’re willing to do those things, not because you’reproving yourself to somebody, but because you genuinely want to heal your heart and your soul.Yeah. Which I do. It’s there for the taking. Yeah. Yeah. Could I could I do one small kind ofintervention with you right now? Yeah, Jordan. Something something you probably already do, but justjust go with me on this for a second. Um, what would you want to replace thequestion of I don’t know if I’m enough with like what would you what would you want that to be replaced with?I am enough. I am enough. Okay. Okay. So, let’s go with that for a second. Let’s let’simagine and just just kind of be curious with it. You don’t have to come up with any right answer or not. Just go withwhatever comes up. Okay? Let’s imagine that tomorrow morning you wake up andtwo things have happened. Um the first is is that you’ve lost the first beliefcompletely. You can’t even think it. You don’t even know that it exists. That I’m not enough. And all that’s there in thatmoment is like is just a belief that it’s absolutely true that I’m enough.Um when you wake up in the morning, what do you anticipate that would feel like in your body?Um more drive, more confidence, getting up and like just seizing the day for whatit is. And cool. What What about your body itself? Where would you feel it the most?Probably my heart. Your heart. And what would that sensation be if you gave it like a color or a texture or something like that?What would it be? Umlike smooth texture. Um green or some sort of bright color.Yellow maybe. Okay. So, some kind of bright color, smooth in your heart. Would it be wouldit be small or big? Would it be full? Or would it be in a particular part of your chest or heart?Um, yeah. I think it’d be my like my whole chest. Um, it feel very full and whole.Mhm. Okay. So, you’d have this like this radiant color that’s kind of expandingthrough you and you’d have energy, you’d have drive.What would what would the first two or three hours of your day look like if that’s all you could feel?Well, uh I think two things. Um number one, that on the days that I have withthe kids, um I think I would be more fun. Um I would I’d be I mean I I I Ithink I’m a good dad. I show up in all the ways. And umum but I think I would be more fun with him. Umum just yeah that and then on uh and thenyou know go to work and and just have um more drive to to work hard and umcomplete actions that need to be done and on the days that I don’t have the kids um get up and go to the gym brightand early before the sun comes up and like um because I find myself a lot oftimes like sleeping until the last minute possible still and not not a lot of I mean I I have drive like I do allthe things for myself every single day but like I would have more drive so going getting up and going to the gym bright and early then going to work andjust tackling tasks. Cool. One more one more question for you. Um, let’s say you go through awhole day of the only belief about you that could be there is I am enough andand you feel it like all of that expansive stuff in your chest like you feel it like not only what would you dobut what do you anticipate the outcomes would be in certain areas of life socially work like what would be thefruits of that in your life? Yeah. I I I mean umall all the best things that I can imagine for myself and in time. I mean like like for my for my business like itwould it would just be like I I would just be yeah just completingall of the tasks necessary to uh you know bridge gaps and besuccessful um in all the best ways. And socially, I would be going out more anddoing more things with my friends versus just sitting on the couch with my dog and um yeah, just really likespearheading everything in my life, just doing all the best things for myself. You’d be taking care of yourself in allthose healthy in all those healthy ways. You still listed the doing you would be doing, but what would be the outcomes?Those are part of the outcomes, but what would be the outcomes in your life? Just more happiness in all areas of mylife. Yeah. Can you just sit with that for a second? Can you actually tangibly feel any of that happiness as it seeps in?Yeah. Yeah. And when I said right before I said that, I could feel it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What you’re havinghappen right now is the kind of thing Brandon’s describing. Mhm. Where it’s like, wait a second, I amactually on a cellular level experiencing the newness of what we’re talking about here. And ifI get more time, more reps, more familiar, I can actually rewire myselfinto actually having this be more the default setting than the first place.Can you Brandon, can you see the change in his body language? Look how much softer his face muscles are. And look how likelike what if you what if you cultivated time every day to create the energyYeah. of what it means to be enough. Yeah. And feel it. allow yourself to fullyfeel it and contemplate what those outcomes would be. Yeah. Um that would be maybe a starting point that would lead you into the otherplaces like the things Brandon’s talking about. And when you show when you show up in that moment with her, if you’ve done this and you’ve really taken care ofyourself in that way, when she gives you that look, you don’t you don’t like trigger into resentment or rejection orwhatever because it it’s independent of her. She can give you whatever look there is,right? Um because you really you really are like okay like you’re fine.I I believe what I’m saying. I believe that I am. Yeah. And and I’m going to jump ahead here,Jordan, because we’re out of time, but Yeah. Like do you know do you know when youknow that you’re kind of moving beyond this resentment like how how that feels? Do you know what that looks like?Um you mean like in the future? Yeah. Or let’s let’s say a miraclehappened and you felt it today. Like what would that what would that feel like? I’m not saying you shouldit’d be very freeing. It would be very freeing. Yeah. You are are you a kind person?Yeah. Are you a loving person? Very. Yeah. And you would feel those thingstoward her. You would have compassion for her and for her pain.Yeah. And and and have an understanding why she did what she did. Mhm. Not just a deep hurt that she did whatshe did for you. It’s and that’s that’s how forgiveness starts to feel is like I I have compassion foryou. I’m not taking it personal anymore. Um and so because of that like I’mseparate from you and and my worth and so then I can love you where you’re at. And but that means I’mgoing to have boundaries with you. Like there be boundaries around this. Mhm. I’m not diving head deep into a relationshipwith you, man. That’s not happening. But I have compassion for you. And and that is freeing. Like that thatfrees your heart and your soul. And there’s a process to get there, Jordan. You don’t have to feel thattoday. The pain that you’re in, your divorce is fresh. The resentment that you have actually is healthy becauseit’s saying protect yourself. Yeah. But I guess what Tyler and I are saying is before you just go to sheneeds to fix all these things, let’s go to what is this resentment like? Whatinformation does this give you to go deal with yourself? Yeah. Right. And uh dude, you’re going tocrush it, man. You’re going to look back on this and be like really grateful for all this pain that you’ve been through.Yeah. Yeah. Because you can do the work. I have no doubt about it, Jordan. And um I’d loveto see you in our retreats. I’d love to have you in a group of mine. Like if you if we can help in any way. It soundslike you’re already doing a lot. Yeah. We can support you, help you, whatever we can do for you.I’ve been strongly considering it, especially coming to a retreat. Yeah. We’d love to have you. So,yeah. Yeah. You’re a good dude, man. It’s it’s awesome to visit with you again. You can feel a sincerity in thework you’re trying to do here. And I think that sincerity also is going to take you a long way if you’ll continueto cultivate that with the right kind of humility. Um yeah, I’m gonna put this up on the screen.This is a comment that just came through for you. It just says, “I relate to all this in my journey.Learn learn and accept to be content with yourself. It takes a lot of surrender and hard looks at yourself. Thank you for sharing.” So, there’s thisone other person here who kind of understands a little bit of what you’re going through and umand uh I just I just hope you can feel some support even from a total stranger. So,yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Um thank you for being here with us. Thank you to our listeners for beinghere with us as well. Thanks for riding through this as we try to figure out some of the things we’re doing. One ofthe things about the technical issues, one of the things about going live with something is is you have to take the bumps and bruises in front of everybody.And that’s what we’re doing today. So, um, happy happy to be that. Yeah. Um, and and you are that right nowfor yourself, too. You’re going to take some bumps and bruises just by, you know, you’re going to probably get done with this and really start thinkingabout the stuff we went after today. And hopefully that’ll helpful be helpful to you, too. But, um, yeah, if this is meaningful to any ofour listeners, you can throw a shout out, Jordan. Best ways to do that is in a review on any of the platforms whereyou can review the podcast um or you can message Brandon or myself um or share itwith somebody else. And uh and thank you guys again for being here and being part of what we’re trying to do. And untilnext time, keep on keeping on.