How to Find Peace no Matter What

Intro

How to find peace no matter what. Brandon, how’s it going, man?It’s going good. Yeah. Yeah. Everything’s, you know,I used to say, Tyler, I used to say all the time until your clients got mad and said I shouldn’t anymore. I used to say,”Does that make sense?” Does that make sense? You know what my new thing is? Uh, it’s going good. No,it’s you know you know you know you know. So now when I say it I’m like oh said like trying to catch myyou knows this time. So do the best I can. So so you knowyou know I’m going to do the best you can you know. Yeah that makes sense. You knowdoes that make sense? Does that make sense? Yeah. It’s so funny like when you havewhen I was looking at it we’re almost to like how many episodes do we have? a lot now. Oh, a lot.We have We have about as many episodes about as many episodes as we have subscribers on YouTube.I know. Isn’t that interesting? So, we don’t have that many episodes. Actually,that’s good. Yeah. Um, butyeah, it’s funny when you have that many out there and you have to listen to yourself that much, you can really pickyourself apart. Oh, yeah. I was having my group do a do an assignment where you have to recordyourself and they were like, “Oh, I hate my voice.” I And I’m thinking, “You haveno idea.” Like I I’ve been listening to myself for 10 years. I can’t I I I hatethe sound of my voice so much that I can’t fathom that we actually have people listened all the time. So,I’m kind of getting used to it now, though. You kind of get desensitized to it. I’m desensitized to it, too, now. It’sweird. It’s taken that long, but I finally like, “Oh, okay. Yeah, that’s my voice.” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your Well,your voice is beautiful.Yours is too, you know. Oh, wow. Thanks. Is that Thanks. Does that make sense?Well, so you’re going to teach me something today. I’m excited. Teach mesomething new. Uh a principle that’s just been just in your mind.Well, I’m pumped for this. Yes, I don’t think it’s anything new, but it’s definitely something that I’ve been really working on and wrestling withmyself. And there’s a couple of things that happened this weekend that sort of reinforce those principles. And so, Iwanted to have a discussion on this um because I think it’s pertinent to every single one of our listenersand every human being. Yeah. Um and so it’s it’s this idea. It started when I I was, you know, I thinkyou turned me on to reading uh what’s the what’s his first one? Michael Singer’s first book is The UntetheredSoul. Yeah. And um that that was my first read. Andthe first time I read that book, it was kind of like a little bit from where I was coming from, it felt a little bithard to read because it felt uma little woo woo-ish kind of. Okay. You got to get a little more hippie like your bro. Yeah. I was like I can see why Brandonrecommended that book. Yeah. You got to get more hippie like me. But I powered through it and I actually got a lot out of it and um andI really enjoyed the book once I kind of got through my own judgments on it. And then later on, just a couple years ago,maybe it was a year and a half ago, he wrote a book about his own experienceand he called it the surrender experiment. That’s the name of the book, but this is like his life story of howhis life has unfolded ever since he started practicing some of these principles that are in his books. And then he most recently came out with umliving untethered. So it’s a followup and inside living untethered he it’s all the same kinds of principles that are inthe other two books but he also includes some some tools some practices on how to liveuntethered. Now what does it mean to be untethered? It means to be you know not attached tocertain things. So the principle that we’re going to talk about today is itgoes it’s deeply connected to surrender and it’s something called unattachment.Okay. All right. And the reason why I’m bringing this up is two things. I’ll tell the stories first and then we’lldraw draw back on them. This weekend we were getting ready for our rising sunretreat that’s this Thursday and uh so excited about that. And one of our staffmembers, he’s been to like several of our events. We’ve known him for a longtime. He’s actually currently in the process of getting his own therapy license to be a therapist as well. He’sgotten into a a kind of a I would I would I don’t even call know if you call it a treatment or not, but there’s amodality. It’s kind of a Russian practice called stick work. And so heinvited our whole staff, the Rising Sun staff to go do some of this work that that has really helped him over at hishouse this weekend. And we ended up doing some exercises there. And it’shard to put it into words, but basically the the practice is really aboutlearning to accept whatever comes no matter whatwithout being attached to the would of should of coulds to not run away but toalso not clinch up and cling and fight. So when you look at like a the Buddhistprinciple uh hell basically it comes in two forms.It comes in the forms of clinging where we cling to something like we can’t let it go like we we need to hold on to itno matter what. And in the clinging to something that in essence is notpermanent we actually increase suffering for ourselves. Or the other side of that coin is calledaversion where we actually can’t stand the thought of something so much that we have to disappear. We have to run away.We have to reject it. We have to not accept it. And in the rejection itself and in the running away, we actuallycause ourselves more suffering because of the meaning we attribute to it and the inability to manage it ratherthan just let it be what it is. So in a certain sense, it’s like um it’skind of like Kung Fu Panda, you know, like I always I always getback to Kung Fu Panda, but like Po, what is what is Po’s like best secret weapon?uh aver not aversion like yeah his he can just like I don’t know I can’t Idon’t know yeah like when when like when Tai Lung like hits him after he figures out who he is and he’s like hey there is nosecret ingredient like I’m just me and like you know and like when they’re training him it’s not like he goes through and like does the trainingcourse perfectly. He like bounces through it. He gets like hit by something there and he gets bounced through that. He hits some spikes thereand he just kind of bounces off it and ends up at the other side. And then when Tai Lung’s punching him, he just kind of like bounces and rolls with it. And inessence, that’s what this practice was was learn to become like Po. Just justaccept it at as it is and let it and let it roll that way. Um because that’s just the reality you’rein. So second thing that happened this weekend was it’s homecoming weekend andum we had the people who do the fiber come out to come and install fiber intoour home. And on Friday, they installed the fiber line and thenthey left. And then we found out that the board that they put through to go into our house went through our mainwater line. And so we ended up without water all day Friday. They had to come back out and we you’ve seen my house,Brandon. It’s like a really steep hill. They had to come out and they actually had to figure out how to get a backhoe on our sidehill and trench the wholething out and replace the main water line. Wow. So they did that Friday with no water. Saturday about noon, no it’sprobably like 10 10 in the morning, we uh we start having backflow come upthrough the main floor toilet and it just floods our whole house with like sewage.So we have a we have the basement, the main floor, and the upper floor. And what had happened is while they were repairing the water line, they crushedthe sewer line, but it didn’t build up until later the next day. And then it was it had built up all the waybasically to the top of our house at the top. And now the pressure was so strong that it had blown a seal in our toilet.And it flooded not only the main floor, but then it went through the floor inthe toilet and flooded my whole room where I keep all of our like camping stuff, our sleeping bags, everythingelse. Cool. That’s Yeah. So, so then they had to come out and retrench that same trench that theyhad just dug up and repair and re and put in a new sewer line too. All while your all while your wife washaving a party that night in the house, right? We were we were supposed to have a baby shower on Friday that got that had toget moved. And then the next day was homecoming for my two daughters and we had no plumbing in our house. So, weended up scrambling and trying to figure out a way to like, you know, get the girls all doled up and go and go totheir go to their dance, right? Um, this is not the weekend that this is notthe way I would have wanted the weekend to go really.And the the the people are calling up and like, “Hey, I think we got you taken care of.” I’m like, “Okay.” Okay. And Iin the back of my head, I am I’ I’ve got all these principles from this book going on. Like, hey, this is just mylife. I’m going to roll with it. This is the way it works. Like, okay, fine. Like, I get to learn what it’s like tonot have plumbing for two days. All right. I’ll be nice to the guy. And then something else goes wrong. And in myhead, I’m just like, like, it shouldn’t be this way. There’s that clinging like,you know, and then I’m like, okay, take a deep breath. Be nice to the guy. like he doesn’t wantto be out here on the weekend fixing his problems either, right? So, yeah. Um, so back and forth we go and and thewhole weekend my my kids are getting mad, you know, my wife’s like, Tyler, what am I going to do? Like, it’shomecoming, you know? And I’m like, and I keep quoting this thing from the book and it makes them mad. And it’s like, I don’t live according to preferenceanymore. Like, yeah, I would probably choose something different for this weekend,but that’s not what we have. This is our weekend. So, we get to choose what we want to do with this. Like, but we’renot going to cling to preference anymore. We’re going to embrace what it’s like to not have plumbing for two days. And they get all mad.I’m sure that’s very validating to their emotions. They get they get all mad about it like,

Finding humor in hard situations

“Yeah, but I don’t live according to the Zen master. I am purely level.” Like, I’m And I’mkind of playing it up, too, you know? It’s like I’m I’m just totally playing it up like holier than thou almost likeYeah. Like, hey, this is great. Now, now we get to understand what it’s like to wash 13 sleeping bagsum in in a weekend, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like, man, this is awesome. And I get to set up a tent and spray it off to makesure that there’s no raw sewage on it. And uh this is awesome. I get to test the waterproofing of the tent,you know, like Yeah. And they’re getting all m they’re getting all mad at it. But uh so sothat’s that’s where this is all coming from today, Brandon, is that most of us, if you’re listening right now, you’reprobably looking at certain parts of your life that you are either running from. That could be certain currentconditions, that could be certain problems in your life, that could be past traumas, or there’s certain thingsthat you are clinging to that you really don’t have control over whether or not they’re going to stay.And either way, that’s probably causing more sufferingin your life than it needs to. I Iuh this is my favorite principle. I it really it really shifts the very outlookand nature of life when you understand this principle. Uh and it goes against alot of the ways in which we’re socialized and the things that we’re taught. Um but it it changes everything.Uh can I tell a couple stories? Yeah. Just to go similar stories. I went to

Disney World story on acceptance

Disney World with my daughter last uh it was the end of March I believe and SpaceM we get there and Space Mountain is closed down. We’re like And we I love Space Mountain. That’s like one of the best ones.Yeah. Come on. And so they open it up like midafter afternoon, 2:00 in the afternoon andeveryone is like running toward it to get there. So we go over, we run overthere and we get in line and we weren’t the end of the line but we were pretty close and it was like a 3h hour and 20minute wait for Space Mountain. Jeez. And I’m like, “Oh, this sucks.” Sowe wait and it’s a hot day. We’re just waiting in line, hanging out, waiting, waiting. And we go all the way throughthe line. All the way. We’re way outside and then we get inside and we go all the way through the line and we get we areliterally at the gate. We are the next ones to get on and the ride shuts down.Like it shuts down. I’m I got a picture of me standing at the gate looking downat the the roller coaster thinking they could have just run it one more time. Like and my daughter looks at me likenot knowing what to do. like, “Oh my gosh, we just wasted 3 hours of our time at Disney World and we only have so muchtime.” And uh I was walking out with her and Iwas like, “This is freaking amazing.” Like this. And I was I was actuallyserious. This is amazing. Think of the party story that we just created. You’renot going to remember that ride that well, but you’re going to remember this. We just made a huge memory.This is This is This is great. I’m so I’m so glad it happened. Um and mydaughter’s looking at me like, “Huh?” You know? Um Oh, I just did it. UmI don’t have control over whether they’re going to like let us on that thing or not. And they didn’t.So that’s that’s that. So now, how do we respond? like where do we move? How dowe flow? Just like Kung Fu Panda, what do we do as a result of that thinghappening? Um, you got to be unattached to the outcome.Yeah. Which is hard because we like to set intentions. We actually teach that in our practice. And then and in settingour intentions, there’s the other side of that coin, which is and then accept reality on its terms.And that’s really, really difficult. And yeah, Brandon, like I mean I’m cringing on the inside cuz I’m having all of mywoulds and shs come through for Disney World. You just spent way too much money to stand in way too long of a line toexperience the one ride you wanted to ride only to get it shut down in that moment.Like I’m getting pissed off for you and you know and I’m I’m gettingattached to my own biases toward Disney already and like you know now that’s allcoming up inside of me, right? Yeah. all all of the like meaning, all of the the shoulds that you’ve attachedto this thing start to create some suffering inside of you. And we all doit all the time in our lives. Uh what did you call it? Unattached.Yeah. Yeah. Living unattached. There’s uh you read Echart Tol and he’she’s all about this. He’s he’s about living in the moment and surrendering tothat moment. Um, honestly, Tyler, you read you read uh Michael Singer, EcharTol, uh, Byron Katy, Buddhism, Jesus,uh, it it all comes down to surrender and acceptance of what is. Carol Dwick’sbook, Growth Mindset, is going from shooting of what should be in your lifeto flowing with life as it comes and being grateful for the lessons that you learn.And it’s a way different way to live. And and and I talk as if like I’m so good at it. I’m not like I I haveresistance. I have suffering that I create because I have my shoods that I live in.Um and I could give you examples of that, but I love this Tyler. It’s thisis the key to peace in your life. It’s so hard to do it. And and part ofthe reason why, Brena, is because we have an automatic part of us that just kicks in. We’ve gone and lived ourlives. We’ve had certain experiences. We’ve created certain stories about life and how it should be and what it is. Andand we also have this meter inside of us about like fairness and justice that Ithink like leads to us feeling like there’s a certain level of deserve or entitlement to our lives as well. Andanytime we have that attached to what’s going on in our lives, we’re setting ourselves up for an increased level ofpain and suffering. Yes. And um and and the the other part of this, the other side to this is thatin getting stuck in the shoulds and shouldn’t in the wood of coulds, weactually spend all of our energy raging and being frustrated and bitter and depressed and resentful and maybe evenshameful instead of looking at like the other side of the coin, which is the opportunity that is also there as aresult of the thing that you didn’t want to have happen. Yeah. And the opportunity when you see it can almost be better and funner thanthe thing itself in the long run. It might even be more productive,right? Yeah. You you cleaned all your hunting gear. That’s great. Yeah. I my whoever wantsthe last time you did that. Yeah. Whoever wants to go camping with me, now is the time because everythingis pristine right now. So, yeah. So, now it’s like Yeah. Everything has been everything is in mycloset has now gotten the attention that I had neglected on it for so long. Or here’s another one that happened just

Soccer story: patience and resilience

this last week. My daughter, my youngest daughter is on the soccer team at school. She’s a sophomore, so she hadbut she had been in like the rotation on the varsity team playing about, you know, 20 to 30 minutes a game. And thenin the last week, the rotation shrunk and she was the one that got cut off of it. And um so now she’s not quitegetting as much playing time as she would like or as parents we would like. And of course being completely unbiased,I think I think my daughter should play. Oh, really? Yeah. So 100%. Um but there’s theshould. Right. So here I am sitting up there in the stands watching this unfold and I’m like, “Hey, my daughter shouldprobably be in the game right now.” And then I caught it. And here’s what you’re getting at, Brandon, is the autopilotinside of me that I’d never even paused to question was already going into the would of should I, could like if thatcoach would just this, if this, if this, if this, if this, right? And then I caught it. So what was automatic becameconscious. And then I sat there in the bleachers and I started to kind of play around with this concept of the truth isis that she’s not going to get in the game. And because she’s not going to get inthe game, there has to be some other opportunity that’s here, right? So why how is it that I can findso much peace and joy about sitting on hard bleachers watching my daughter sit on the bench?And what what I came to is that this is actually really beautiful for mydaughter. My daughter gets to learn what it’s like to be a supportive teammate, be a partof a team, and learn to be happy for the players that are ahead of her that are getting that playing time. And she’sgoing to learn how to keep a good attitude. And she’s going to learn how to have a fire burning inside that she wants to compete while she can also besupportive and understanding and patient. And that’s going to be awesome for her. I love it.That’s going to be a great lesson for her to learn. Yeah. And the minute I could actually start to change that, now I’m sittingthere up there in the bleachers going like and I’m watching her on the end of the bench. She’s like leaning out off the end of the bench trying to getcatches the coach’s eye, you know, like you know, she’s like like, “Oh man, I can’t wait to have a discussion with herafter the game tonight. This is going to be so awesome.” And and as soon as the game ended, shecame running over and she’s like purist and like mad and like I like like and I’m like, “Hey boots, like let’s go fora drive.” Like I had a few thoughts, you know.Uh yeah. You know, you know what’s interesting, Tyler, is you’re talking these stories and I’m talking aboutDisney World, you’re talking about um your sewage issue and what’s going onwith Boots. If you take a step back, the things that we’re like we’re talkingabout and being like, “God, we could have been so pissed about these things.” Like for the most part, these are firstworld problems. It’s like I had to wait in Disney Worldfor three hours, the happiest place on the earth or whatever.Like Boots Boots is there, you know, full-fledged like how much does it cost to play soccer? She’s around a bunch ofhealthy kids that eat a lot of food that like hang out. She’s got a coach there. Like it’s like, yeah, she didn’t get inthe game. If we step back, it’s like, you know, dowe really have a reason to be suffering and pissed? And the truth is is youalways can compare one way or the other. But it’s not even about that. It’s aboutwhat’s going on inside of you that really matters. Um there there’s beenpeople who have lived in poverty, like horrible poverty, who have found ways tolearn, to grow, to move forward, and to be resilient to their to where theystarted be just because of the what what went on inside of them. That that’s thething that matters, right? That’s that’s the that’s the oneplace where we have control over the cultivation is inside of our souls and our perspective.Yeah. Right. That’s the one place we actually maintain power in a certain sense is becoming conscious of what ourexperience is and then learning to ease oursel into that consciousness. Exactly.And you think about it like this is where the stick work came in this weekend. Like there was a place where there was like they call it stick workfor a reason. And at one point we’re using a stick andyou’re actually having some pressure applied to you by this stick. And the natural tendency for any of us is justkind of like whoa like I either need to get away from this or I need to I need to get my guard up and tense up. But theplace where there was the least amount of suffering was when it was like almost like a wave of energy. It would justimpact and flow through you if you could just stay relaxed and just let it be what it was.Yeah. Yeah. And and that’s what that’s what that term, you know, when uh when you get

Equanimity and neutrality

into like mindfulness kinds of terms, there’s a term that people say all the time. It’s like one of my favorite words. It’s called equinimity.Another big word, but equinimity is basically evenmindedness. It’s the ability to maintainyour state of presence regardless of the surroundings around you. And so you don’t it’s it’s like youdon’t get way way high and like oh this is amazing like oh this is how it should always be and then you don’t get way way low. It’s more of like, yeah, this isblissful and I’ll experience this bliss and oh yeah, this is terrible and that’s part of my life experience and I’m going to learn what it’s like to go throughthis process. And um either way, I’m gaining experience and I get a chance tomake meaning out of this any way that I want to. Yeah. I Yeah, another word isneutrality. Equinimity. Neutrality. I I you know, I woke up uh five days ago andI can’t walk. I got 10 of Yeah. I I I asked you how you’re doing today and you’re like, I’m doing good. And I’m like, are you?Well, we got this big retreat coming up and I can’t walk. Yeah. So, I get to decide how much I want tofight against this reality or I get to maybe there’s opportunities up there uhbecause I can’t walk that I I get to experience. I’m excited to see what they are. Um I just out of nowhere it’s likeI just can’t walk. just, you know, um, so God has something for me. I don’tknow what it is, but God has something for me. He might want you to go learn what it’slike to go to the doctor and see what’s wrong. Yeah, I’ll probably that. I don’t know. That might be one thing.Maybe I need to learn that lesson. Um, that’s funny. Um, can I share aquote? Yeah. Um, oh, but before I do, I wanted to make this point, Tyler. You and I with

Lessons in business and life

business, we’re like trying to figure it out, right? Yeah. Yeah. And and uh have we failed at all?Uh pretty much every single day.But you know what? Like I just got a text from this guy who’s going to be our final guy at Rising Sun. And we had morebeds this year than ever. And it’s totally full. andand it worked to fill up rising sun and something worked. Something worked.All of the failure. Yeah. So, when you say we fail every day, um I I love I love this concept inbusiness because the the business guys that are most successfulare the ones that like they take that blow, they take that hit and they movewith it and they flow with it. And what what what do they do with it? They learn. they learn. And you takebusiness if if I failed nine times and I failed bad. Let’s say I lost my all mymoney nine times and then the 10th time I took all of the lessons, every single lesson that I’d ever learned and Ikilled it. I just knew exactly how to move, how to flow, what to do because Ihad learned from all of those failures. And let’s say I make a gazilliondollars. Everyone’s gonna think I’m a success. Yeah, I failed nine out of ten times here.Yeah, I failed. That the key is not getting caught up in that failure andthinking, okay, like that’s it. It’s over. I’m done. The key is learning. Thekey is growth. The key is acceptance that you get to experience something.That’s the key to I think I think that’s really where I’m hear you go Brandon and this is for us to each individuallythink about but maybe there’s some merit to considering what is the purpose of life and if the purpose of life is tosimply gain experience and have learning then whatever goes on in your life todayresilient to everything is fine whatever happens today is fine because inevitably you’re going to behaving experience you’re going to learn and grow as a result if you choose toum and you don’t have to suffer. Not just fine and not just notsuffering. You get to resonate in gratitude and acceptanceand praise to God with everything that happens to you. So, it’s notif you’re in that mindset. Yeah. It’s not just neutrality. It’s not just like I’m just neutral. It’s like,wow, look what God’s doing for me and through me. Um, one of my favorite examples of thisis uh is honest Abe. Um,I mean, we could go through the list of his failures and the and and this this episode isn’t about failure, but a listof the things that he could have got hung up on and said, I guess shouldn’t be, shouldn’t be. This is bad.This is wrong. Guess God’s not showing up for me. I guess I’ll I’ll shut it down. I’ll quit. I’ll be done. who changed theworld as much as Abe Lincoln. I mean, sohe says,”I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else togo. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.”So notice what he does. He’s out there doing his best, doing his best, and then he turns to God and he hands it over.That’s that’s the key right there. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And and but not only handing itover, but then going a step further. So there’s a difference between acceptanceand willingness. Acceptance is like, okay, this sucks, but I can’t change it. So I’ll I’llaccept it. Willingness is, hey, this is not what I have chosen, but man, there’s a lot of opportunity here.like whatever whatever is in front of me is the opportunity that I now currently have. So, I’m going to embrace that withgratitude and with possibility and with with like all of this like positivity, optimismand I’m going to go and like experience that, right? So, that’s I think that’spart of it and we did get into like the failures and the would a should have could but I also think coming back to like the topic we started with which waspreference. What happens when you stop living only according to preference and it what itdoes is it cultivates those principles that you’re talking about Brandon of acceptance, surrender and I thinkgratitude you know and if you want to if you want a small way to practice this issomething that I’ve been doing lately only only when I’m with my daughters so I can still seem high and mighty um iswe’ll go to a restaurant and they’ll look at the menu and I won’t look at my menu and they’ll be like I want this orI’m going to have this or I’m going to do that. And then when the the waitress or the the server comes up and says,”Hey, you guys ready to order?” I say, “Yes.” And they’re like, “Daddy, you haven’t even looked at the menu.” And then they do their orders. And thenI turn to the server and I say, “Uh, just give me whatever you think is good today.”And they just like I’m laughing because I did that last time and it backfired.But But it didn’t backfire. It just didn’t give you something you’d prefer. You’re right. Right. It gave me anexperience. It gave you the experience of having a meal that you now paid for that you didn’t particularly enjoy and now youget to see what it’s like to eat a meal that you paid for you didn’t enjoy. That’s great. Yeah. Yeah. And you can be grateful for thatyou got that grateful. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I’m grateful now. Yeah. And then and then you get topractice not clinging to the fact. So like let’s say we we have this Mexican place that you and I like to go to whenyou’re in town. And I already know what I get every time there. And I get it too. If I get anything butthat that thing, I’m gonna be in the back of my brain going, I should have done this. I should have got that one. I should have got man, I shouldn’t have Ishouldn’t have let the server like decide like, but now I get a chance to practice letting go of all of thoseshoulds and shouldn’t. And I get a chance to look down at my new plate of whatever is going to come and justconsider what it’s like to be in that moment eating that particular thing. Yeah. And that becomes my new experience. AndI get to determine how much suffering there is in that or joy depending on what I choose to focus on.Yep. Yeah. I Yeah, I love that. Now,there’s nothing wrong with going in and saying that, you know, I I really like theenchiladas. Own that you like. You like the enchiladas. But if you’re going after um if you’re going after theexperience that you just described, then you’d be open to that and say, “Yeah, just give me whatever.” And when you saywhatever, it’s not about the food. It’s about the full experience. Give me the whatever. I’m open to this.That’s the That’s the practice, right? No. Now, I only really do that when I’m with my daughters because I know itmakes them annoyed. Normally, I just go in and say, “Hey, give me the Tampa.” Right.as you should because it is good and it’s okay to in that experience even acknowledge that I’m experiencingdiscomfort or pain or suffering or not liking but now I’m able to own that that’s what my experience is and that’sthe key is that we get to own our experience that’s a way to increase peace in ourlives and decrease suffering you’re kind of saying we get to own it by not owning it because because we get to we get toaccept that we have that experience and let go of the outcome Um,when we’re when we’re caught in shoulds, when we’re caught in expectations, or we’ll call it preference, that’s whatleads to the resistance, which leads to the lack of feelings of peace. Now,let’s come back to your example with your daughter on the bench. Let’s sayshe’s on the bench and let’s say the the coach just has a has a personal issuewith her and is punishing her to not get in that game. And and you are trying toget to this place of like, I’ll roll with this. This is wonderful. But you also have it in your control to go talkto that coach and say, what’s going on here? I care about my daughter. I wouldlike to address the issue. Should you address the issue? Possibly. Yes. That’s But that’sBut why wouldn’t you? Shouldn’t you sit back and be like, “No, I’m enlightened.” And everything’s wonderful.Because once I’m in reality, reality doesn’t mean I still don’t have my choices, right? Andwhat’s in your control and what’s not and what I when I get into that reality, then what I get to do is I get to own mychoices. And and that the question I think is is to ask is what’s effective? And what I mean by effective for theoverall goals of my life? Like if it’s to gratify my own pride, then I’m going to go talk to him in a certain way. Ifit’s to kind of get some clarity and understanding and maybe be on the same team with him and her so that there canbe a mutual understanding, that would be a different reason to go and have that conversation. And maybe I don’t have that conversation at all and I coach mydaughter on what might be effective in the way she approaches him. But even if you go do all those things, you mightstill get a different outcome. Yes. I don’t I can’t control what that outcome is going to be.And that I think in that moment is when it’s like, okay, like I’m open to this.Right. Right. I’m open. I’m I’m I’m I’m doing whatever is in line with my valuesin this situation. And because I’m doing that, I can go tobed on a clear conscience, which I believe is maybe the best feeling in the world. Yeah. What? You hate injustice. If Iknow you, Tyler, I know you hate injustice. It’s true. Can’t stand it.It’s It’s so true. You I can’t tell you how many people have been like talked to in the parking lot for cutting off anold lady and taking her parking stall.At some point, the world’s going to be unjust. Yeah. And you’re not going to have much control over that.That’s right. And you hate like personal injustice like when when a person is actually likethe the professor you had in college, you know, like that that it’s hard tosit there, right? The reason I bring this up, Tyler, there’s certain things that I can’t stand. There’s certainthings that I have a really difficult time coming to a place of equinimity with.I for some reason like I just I just can’t like I just it just irks me,right? But here’s the deal. I can turn to those people and say, “Youshould change so that I can be happy.” And what am I doing?You’re increasing your suffering. I mean, you’re you’re you’re kicking against thepricks. Yeah, that’s what it is. Smashing your head against the same brick wall that’s likely not to move. Sothen what is my option then? Your option is to go into yourself and say how do I how do I increase myjoy and decrease my suffering in the reality that I’m in right now. Yes. Yes. That’s it.Yeah. It’s been a good discussion, Tyler. Yeah. And the best thing about like this weekend is that you’ve seen my hill, theside hill. It’s just like pure like weeds and trash. Yeah. I got I got like four dudes inlike back hose to come and flatten out my hillside and take out all the weeds this weekend.I know. I saw that. Hey man, it was and and they did it for free.Yeah, that’s that’s awesome. And the only price that I had to pay was no plumbing for two days and just and the smell of in yourhouse, right? which which which allowed me tothen clean my camping stuff which needed to be done. Yeah, it’s wonderful. Yeah, this is awesome. Everything is wonderful.Um all right, Tyler, thanks for this discussion. Um if this was helpful,please go subscribe. Um I was laughing about what you saidabout how we have almost as many episodes as we have subscribers. You know what’s funny, Tyler, is is uh wewere talking the other day how some of our old channels are growing faster thanthe than the YouTube channel that we’re like putting two episodes a week on. Crazy. We need help over there, guys.Kickstart our algorithm somehow. I don’t know. Go over there like like and subscribe and I don’t know what you need to do.We don’t even know. We are so out there now because brothers on YouTube.Talk about failure. Yeah. Hey, there’s one episode for every oneof you right now. So, yes. Yes, you can go claim it. Yeah. Go, go, go do this. Go listen and in thecomment section say, “This is mine.” This This one’s for me. Um, anyways, uh, thank you for beinghere. Appreciate having you. Until next time, keep on keeping on.