Most commonly searched questions on AI about Betrayal

Tired but Ready

0:00Most commonly searched questions on AI about betrayal. Let’s have a good laugh.

0:06Oh, Tyler, sorry. Brandon, you it sounds like you’re listening to the other episodes from the past.

0:11I’m just trying to get set up here on YouTube and you know me. So, I’m set I’m

0:16set up though. We’re good to go.

0:21Me and technology. It’s actually I was just thinking about this. We’re up close to just under I think we’re just under

0:27500 episodes now. Uhhuh. And with with our technological acumen, that in and of itself is a

0:34complete miracle. Miracles happen. Miracles do happen.

0:42You know what? The whole the whole technology thing is so frustrating because you just keep getting worse at

0:48it. You know, it’s like something you can’t like turn the tide on. It’s just like

0:53you slowly watch yourself become more and more like of an invalid. It’s so It’s so true. And I I I think you’re

1:00saying that in general, but it’s really true that you’re saying it to me because it’s totally true about me.

1:05I know. I was I was on my phone the other day like just doing something and I was kind

1:11of like plugging away on something and my daughter’s like, “What are you doing?” And I’m like I can’t remember

1:16what it was, but it was some like thing and I was like, they’re like, “Why don’t you just like do this?” And it was like

1:22bam instantly happened. I’m like, “That’s a feature on my phone?” like, “Oh my gosh, Dad, like you are so out of

1:29touch.” Like, you know, so it’s one of the things I I sometimes wonder about

1:35because like when I was working kind of my own recovery process, a lot of my like lines of defense and my bottom

1:40lines were like so far off the edge of the cliff that I kind of removed myself from all all

1:46forms of technology for a couple of years. Uhhuh. And then trying to step back into

1:52the stream again is like, wow, I I got way behind on a lot of things.

1:57I know. It’s crazy. It’s Yeah. Anyway, speaking of technology

2:03Yeah. Um our episode today is is about AI. Um

2:10so what what we’re doing is we’re going down. We typed into chat GPT what are

Family & Business Balance

2:16the most common questions about betrayal? and it gave us a list of a bunch of questions about betrayal. So,

2:23um, instead of typing it into chat GPT, we’re glad you’re listening to us here.

2:30Um, ple please keep listening and don’t go over there.

2:37Will we give better answers that you can compare? We’ll see. All they have to do is type in what do

2:43the therapy brothers say about this question. Yeah, that’s true. Yeah. Um, so we’re just going to go down

2:50the list. We’re going to And these questions, they might take us a while to answer some of them and they might uh be

2:56we might only get to a few of them, but we got we’ve got a whole list of the top basically the top 50 questions that AI

3:03gets about how to handle betrayal. We’ll probably get only get into like a few of them today, but we’re going to go

3:09straight from the top of the list. Okay, let’s do it. All right. Um, we’ll just kind of bounce

3:14back and forth on this. Tyler Tyler the tech wizard. Let’s do it.

3:21Oh, man. Um, all right. So, number one, Brandon, I’m sure you’ll be shocked about this. The number one searched

3:29question about betrayal. Why do people cheat in relationships?

3:34Yeah. Uh, does not shock me that that is the number one. Um,

3:40so that’s a great question. It’s a question that has, I think, many answers

3:45to it. Uh, not just one answer. Obviously, it’s complicated

3:51and, um, we could go in all different directions with that. The reasons why

3:57people cheat. Yeah. I um, a few things like a lot of times the the reason this question gets

4:03asked is often from a partner who’s been betrayed and wondering like what happened, what went wrong. And a lot of

4:09times it’s also laced with questions about self. um which we’ll get into in in a second. But um there’s a few things

4:17that kind of if you look at patterns and themes across at least what the work we do, Brandon, I would say cheating

4:24usually comes from mostly an internal process of lack of

4:31being emotionally kind of mature in the way you cope with life and lack of authenticity about what you’re actually

4:38feeling. that leads to secrets that then leads to ways of trying to fill certain needs um without being open and

4:45transparent about it. Yeah. I mean, relationships break down

4:50um in a lot of different ways. And um and by the way, as we talk about this,

4:56there’s no excuse for cheating. That this isn’t these aren’t excuses what

5:02we’re saying or justifications for it. um someone still needs to make the the decision to break their integrity to

5:10cheat on somebody. Um there’s better ways to go about solving some of these issues than cheating. So just a little

5:17side note uh with that but uh relationships break down in all kinds of ways and you know you wouldn’t think

5:24that your inability to get to some resolution on things that then leads to

5:30resentment that then leads to a lack of connection that then leads to oh my co-worker actually gives me some empathy

5:37and connection you know and it’s one little thing then another little thing and it leads to some temptation which

Real Life Lessons

5:46leads to Another little thing um that can be a reason why somebody will cheat because the relationship is breaking

5:52down, the relationship is unhealthy and um so it can lead to to that. Um

6:00so often on that too, Brandon, as it’s starting as the relationship itself is starting to erode, there’s a desire to

6:07not want to make waves or have conflict. So it never actually gets really addressed either,

6:12right? So then so then eventually you got two people kind of feeling this gap and then that gap starts to get wider

6:19and then one person starts to try to fill the void in certain ways you know and I’d say probably three things that

6:26are maybe the most common like reasons and again these aren’t us saying this is why and this is your fault if you’re

6:31sitting in the space of the betray but these are like these are the themes and patterns that come across. One is

6:36avoidance of pain and shame. Um, it’s it’s this it’s the classic kind of

6:43like the reason why an addiction forms in the first place is I’m trying to fill some kind of a a hole in my soul or my

6:49heart or need, emotion, whatever in a in a way that does do it in the short term, but it erodess my value system in the

6:57process. Um, two is, uh, there’s a lack

7:03of honesty and integrity in in the relationship. And because of that lock

7:08lack of honesty and integrity, there isn’t the ability to have the right kinds of interactions and discussions

7:15with your partner to focus on healing and getting better. And then it’s then

7:20it’s that slow fade you talked about into other places. And then the third one is, and then we talk about this one

7:27a lot on our podcast, Brandon, but it’s a desire to either get an escape from

7:33the life that I’m currently living and the stressors that I’m having, or more often, it’s a desire to experience

7:40validation that almost like that when we talk about the topic of answering our question is, am I enough? Am I good

7:46enough? you know that we all love that feeling of validation and that can be

7:52really intoxicating in and of itself. Yep. Can I add one more? Yeah. Um sometimes it’s a cry for help. Um

7:59instead of going about changing something the right way, which is painful and difficult. Um it’s a way to

8:06sabotage and to get out of a situation. Um and so they’ll use cheating to do

8:13that. Um there’s different it it’s funny. we we put a blank label of

8:19infidelity or cheating and a lot of times it’s they’re they’re quite

8:25different things that that are going on. So like for example, Tyler, my example

8:31earlier about, you know, just seeking some connection with somebody at work and then starting

8:37an affair, right? Versus I’m a raging sex addict and I have acted

8:45out with sex my whole life. I’ve visited, you know, massage parlors and

8:51prostitutes and and so like I love my wife. if I there’s the relationship’s

8:58okay. It’s not, you know, them at all. It’s just I just can’t stop this addiction. Um you you hear there’s two

Challenges & Growth

9:05different things going on there. Yeah. Yeah. Um and and not not to say either one is

9:10okay. Um but but it’s a it’s an interesting thing to examine is like oh

9:18um if we worked on our relationship and and did better maybe that would help um

9:23avoid infidelity or those type of things or this has nothing to do with the

9:28relationship and that person better work on themselves or else they’re going to cheat on their partner. Um, and so a lot

9:38of times, a lot of times what people think is, you know, to the question, Tyler, why do people cheat? A lot of

9:45times they think because I’m not good enough. Um, I’m not pretty enough. I’m

9:50not sexy enough. I’m not good enough. And so they they go somewhere else and

9:55and cheat. And the here’s the thing about that one, Tyler.

10:01Um, that’s never true. uh you’re a lovable, beautiful human

10:07being and them going to cheat is on them. Um now they might have fallen out

10:14of love with you and they want to move on to another relationship and those type of things that can that can happen,

10:21right? Um but it’s it’s rarely if never

10:27the the betrayed partner’s fault. Yeah. Um, you just led right into the

10:33second question. Oh, perfect. Was the affair my fault in any way? Hey, what do you know? Yeah.

10:40Yeah. I think that’s I actually think that’s a really really common thing. And and the reason for that and it’s not all

10:46it’s not all bad is is that we are all living a life where we are the center of the universe in our own mind. And so

10:52anything that happens to us, we always run it through a filter of what is it about me or what is it about the situation or what is about this? And

10:59it’s a natural question to ask that to ask there. And unfortunately too often

11:05the betrayed partner asks the question and the one doing the betraying because

11:11they aren’t in a space of living a life of integrity and accountability more than welcomes the other person

11:18being like, “Yeah, I don’t know. You need to go figure that out.” Like right like yeah, yeah, you should maybe lose

11:23some weight or maybe we should have sex more or you know what? like, “Yeah, I you probably ought to go see a therapist about your depression or something.”

11:29That’s called gaslighting. Everything that you’re everything that you’re saying is like gaslighting. Yeah. So, it’s a it’s a bad combo

11:35because then the person is already asking the question and getting feedback that it might be their fault, which then

11:40but it’s a feedback that’s like leads to more shame than it does like actual like a true curious question as to saying,

11:47″Hey, how could I help things go right here if I could, which sometimes I can’t. I can’t control my partner’s choices.” Um, I I I tell my clients this

11:55all the time, and it’s maybe a little over the top, but over the top for a reason. Like when they come in, they’re like, “Well, why did why did my partner

12:03step out on me?” You know, like this and that. Did I Is it because I’m not this or that or that or that? And I just say

12:08I often will say, you know, there’s probably some things we need to get into, but for right now, you could wake

12:15up in the morning, look your partner in the face, tell your partner you hate their guts, put a bag over their head,

12:22kick them in the balls, and if they cheat on you, it’s not your fault.

Takeaways

12:30Okay. Um, I’m going to push back just a little bit here. Go for And and I got to tread lightly

12:36because there’s some like nuance to this a little bit that is important to understand.

12:41If I’m in a horrible relationship, just my my partner is unworkable, like it’s

12:49just tons of resentment, uh bad boundaries, all kinds of stuff,

12:54toxic. Um and then I go and I cheat.

13:00Is the toxicity of that relationship my

13:05fault? Could it only could be only right

13:11pro? Let’s for your for your scenario. No, it’s not like it’s probably a combination of the way that things are

13:17being handled. Just because I cheated, it doesn’t mean that I am the only problem in the

13:23relationship, right? So, so hear me out. Um, it doesn’t mean that. So,

13:30right, the relationship could have lots of problems and there could be a lot of toxicity. You could to the point of waking up and kicking your partner in

13:36the balls every day just to say good morning. And if you cheat on your partner, that’s

13:41on you. Yeah. So, both both are true because sometimes what we see is like,

13:47okay, if someone goes and they cheats, therefore we better fix them and they

13:52better change and that and it’s all about them in order for us to get better. and you’re setting yourself up

14:00um with that scenario because in no way am I blaming you for their cheating.

14:06That’s exactly what Tyler said is true. And I you are accountable to create the

14:13type of relationship or marriage that you want to create and you’re half of that equation. Um, and so yeah, it’s not

14:23your fault and what you guys create together is what you guys create

14:29together. I I think yeah, another way of saying that Brandon that’s important here is when we talk about fault responsibility

14:36there like I love the quote I think it’s uh Ray Dalio said that there is no fault only responsibility.

14:42The pathway out on both sides actually is through responsibility. Yeah. So, but you can only take

14:48responsibility for what you can honestly own, right? And when you start owning other people’s choices, you’re in the

14:55realm of not being your responsibility. You can own how you respond and how you react and what values live by and what

15:01things you do to help things go right or wrong. You can own all of that because those are your choices and your actions

15:06and your way of being in the world. Um, but when you start focusing on

15:13taking responsibility for somebody else’s choices, that’s when that’s when you’re going to get yourself bogged down

15:18even further and it’s not going to help the relationship in the long run. Exactly. So, yeah, that that it is not

15:25your fault if you if you got cheated on. Um, and that you have responsibility to

15:32create the type of relationship that you want to create. So, both are true.

15:37That’s right. All right. Each one of these could probably be their own full episode,

15:43Brandon, but we’ll just keep rifling through here. Bet you can’t guess what the third one is. Oh, you’re putting me

15:49on the spot here. Uh, I don’t know.

15:56Can I ever trust my partner again? Oh, the trust. Yeah, that’s a big that’s a big one.

16:02Yeah. Um yeah, the let’s talk first about why

16:09that that question comes up so early on. Um

16:14the it’s it’s kind of obvious, but the the the pain point is the broken

16:21attachment, the broken trust. And so what people want to fix and what they

16:27want to deal with right off the bat is I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel safe in my relationship.

16:33How do we rebuild this trust? Because I I we got to fix that.

16:39Um yeah. So that’s why it’s such a common uh question because that’s the pain point.

16:45Uh what the the problem with that is that when that is focused on as the

16:51problem, it just because it’s the pain point, it doesn’t mean that it’s the problem.

16:58um when it’s focused on as the problem, then we’re not addressing the actual issue, which if you don’t address the

17:05actual issue, then you actually won’t truly rebuild trust.

17:12So, yeah, that’s right. And and the issues the issues are more than just the issue.

17:19There’s multiple issues that go into the restoration of trust. And the the

17:25question is um and this is a tricky one because you know I don’t know what your experience is with this Brandon but it’s

17:31been my experience with the clients that that actually really do the the work is

17:36the pathway to trust includes two individual pathways

17:41that include things like shame resiliency

17:46um accountability grace forgiveness effort empathy

17:52practiced over time, things like that. And when you get two people who are

17:57willing to do those things and adopt those principles into the way of life, then there starts to be this

18:03reestablishment of the relationship, but it’s a different kind of um it’s it’s a

18:09it’s almost like a diff different kind of commitment and trust than originally formed.

18:14Yeah. It’s it’s forged in like the fires of like refinement through the hell you go

18:20through. And so part of going through that together is actually what builds the trust and loyalty over time. And

18:27there’s more of like a realistic kind of approach to the relationship than maybe the originally sort of innocent or

18:35Twitter pated version of the relationship. The the uh the attachment early on in a

18:42relationship is just like, “Oh my gosh, someone likes me. This is wonderful.” Um,

18:48but the real trust that you’re talking about, Tyler, it’s it’s it’s kind of

18:53confusing because and sometimes betrayal or sex addiction, it pushes a

19:00couple to either look at rebuilding or building actual trust. Um, because

19:06that’s the only way that they can stay together. And but but here’s the here’s the paradox to it, the kind of really

19:13tricky part to it. is the way that I would rebuild trust

19:19with my partner is by being the type of man and the type of person that I’m

19:26going to be regardless of them no matter what. Yeah. Yes.

19:31Like it’s not about them. It’s about my ability to keep form. It’s about my

19:38ability to stay in my integrity. my ability to step into my purpose and my

19:43strength and who I am regardless of them. So, it’s this this weird paradox

19:49of when I when the relationship is not the driver in order for me to be a good

19:56person, then my partner will trust me because I am just being that good person.

20:03Yeah. And then what makes it hard with that is is that if you’ve been living a life engaged in things that you would

20:10choose to hide about and feel shame over, a lot of times you think you’re a certain person when you’re looking at yourself from the eyes of shame versus

20:16when you’re looking at yourself from the eyes of like acceptance and love. And so a lot of times you you have to sort

20:23through what who is actually me and what is authentic because I might show up in

20:28a small way I think saying that that’s I’m I’m authentic when in reality in the long term that’s not actually who I am.

20:34And so that’s there you got to get through all of those like lines of like denial and work through a lot of shame

20:40in order to get there. Um the other thing that I’d say about trust here is

20:47um in my practice we oftenimes will talk about trust in parts rather than in all

20:54or nothings because like like right now you know if I was you know something was

21:00going on between me and my wife that that I was breaking her trust on she would be able to trust me across lots of

21:06areas of life but she wouldn’t be able to trust me across this one area of life right so then It’s confusing when she’s

21:12like, “I don’t trust you at all.” And it’s and it’s like, “Well, but you trust me to show up every day. I’m consistent

21:20with, you know, being drive our kids to their game. I’m not I help provide for family income. You can

21:26trust that no matter what you can trust, trust, trust, trust, trust.” So, it helps to actually break it down into like other parts of what is actually

21:33broken with the trust. So, is it an integrity issue? Is it a judgment issue? Is it a um disclosure issue? Is it a

21:42boundaries issue? Is it a lack of integ? Is it a lack of like authenticity issues? When you can start breaking it

21:49down into those discussions, that’s more productive than trust. Well, I it’s both

21:54and though, Tyler, because like I I I see what you’re saying in that there’s

22:00areas, but there’s also as a partner, you can kind of get a general feel of

22:06like, okay, it you just don’t feel safe. like we don’t have to break it down into

22:11this, this, this, and this. Like, you’re a person who will tell little white lies. You’re a person that will um like

22:20cave really easily. You’re a person that like and I and I just sense it. I just know it. I can just feel it.

22:27Um so instead like instead of being like there’s a white lie, so I don’t trust you because that one white lie. It’s

22:34just like in general you’re not a truthful person and so I don’t trust

22:40you. Um but I do like what you’re saying because you could say but I do trust you to hop

22:48in the car with you and you’ll keep the traffic laws. You know like you’re you’re saying you’re saying don’t

22:53dismiss your gut feeling. Yeah. Um if you can’t if you can’t find something tangible. And I’m saying

22:59that’s I agree with you 100%. And I think there’s a good exercise in doing the exercise to try to find what’s

23:06tangible and give it language even though sometimes it’s hard to find that. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

23:11Yeah. Um it’s these it’s so tricky. Like it’s not it’s not just like ouch, I

23:19got cheated on. Betrayal. I don’t trust. Let’s fix it. It’s fixed. Now we’re all

23:26happy again. It’s a It’s like so much more complex.

23:31And the way And if I can I get a little philosophical here for just a second? Go for it, Brandon.

23:38I God sets it up this way for a reason. Um, it’s it’s it’s kind of weird like

23:46and and you know when we die and go to heaven, we can ask God these questions a little a little bit, but if you zoom out

23:53and you just kind of watch what’s happening and I’ve been doing this for I don’t know how long now. For feels like

23:59forever. So have you, Tyler. But if you zoom out and you watch and

24:04think about those those clients who have really engaged in the process of recovery and healing,

24:10um, they gain wisdom and they gain growth and knowledge that they never

24:19could have any other way. And so when when the betrayal happens, it’s like,

24:25ouch, that hurts. Now, we get to engage in this full process of healing, this

24:30full process of grief, this full process of re-examining

24:36um who I am, um of trauma healing. And if I’m willing to step forth and do

24:44this, whether I’m the betrayed or the betrayer, then it is such a gift. It’s

24:50so beautiful. And back to your point about trust, a couple who is willing to individually

24:58each one do that, they have like the whole Twitter patient thing. It’s it’s

25:03not even the same thing. How do you say it? Refined in the fire

25:08of hell or something like it’s it’s it’s it’s like so it sucks. It’s like oh god

25:15I have to go through that to then have that. But if you’re if you’re if you’re sitting in the pain of it,

25:22then what option do you have? You can sit and stay stuck in that pain or you

25:29can go get one of the biggest gifts that you could ever experience in your life

25:34through the process of healing. And I think I think the word you use that that comes at a price sometimes and

25:41that price is through pain and cynicism and all all sorts of things, grief sometimes is wisdom.

25:49Um we we don’t I I think we we don’t place enough value in our culture on

25:55wisdom. Um but but but that’s how you get it sometimes is going through those types

26:02of things. And when you go through them and you end up going through those things together and you have people who

26:07are, you know, there’s a few things that need to be there. You know, you there needs to be, you know, a willingness to hear and validate pain. There needs to

26:14be patience. There needs to be consistent effort over time with transparency and honesty. Um, there also

26:20needs to be some initiative to repair, especially if you’re the one that’s done the damage. You know, that’s common

26:2612step type concept here, too. But if you work through all of those things,

26:32look at the skill sets you’re developing as you go. You’re developing the skill set of empathy, patience,

26:39um transparency, honesty, effort, uh the ability to to give and

26:45receive apologies properly. Like of course you want to be married to somebody who has all those skills. And

26:52if that’s what this process demands, if you commit to those things, all of a sudden you’re starting to become the the

26:58ultimate kind of partner, right? And so then there so then trust does increase in certain levels even though

27:04there’s always that thing in the back of your mind that’s still like but they’re capable of doing X Y and Z,

27:10right? And if once I think once people get to that where it’s like they can accept that that capability is there and

27:16that’s why they do these things in their lives that’s better off than like I

27:22couldn’t even fathom that they could do that thing right um that’s that’s actually that’s that

27:28that’s like the inner innocence that’s kind of like an ignorant thing that like every human being whether we like to say

27:33it or not Brandon every one of us is capable of doing really bad things right and once we own it then we can make

27:39choices to help mitigate that rather than pretend it’s not there and then get blindsided by it. Well, that and that’s what we talk about

27:45with shadow work or parts work is is getting really honest with who you are

27:51and owning those things. And when you’re honest and self-reflective and you know those parts of you, then then you’re a

27:58trustworthy person because you’re honest. Um, so yeah, trust building is

28:06to answer the question, Tyler, yes, you can rebuild trust. Yes, it’s absolutely

28:11possible. Yes, it’s beautiful. Yes, it’s difficult.

28:16And it’s uh at times it feels like you’re going backwards. At times it

28:23feels like you’re moving forward. Uh but it is absolutely possible.

28:29Yeah. We got time for one more, Brandon. Okay. Yeah, let’s do one more.

28:37Um number four. How do I know if my partner is truly sorry?

28:44Um, which, you know, when you look at that question, it’s like that’s coming most often from a place of I’m in this

28:52place of discernment of trying to decide what I should be doing as far as my next steps. I don’t really want to leave the

28:58relationship if there’s going to be change, if there’s going to be healing, but I also don’t want to stay if there’s

29:04not actual genuine sorryiness, you know, like genuine sorryiness. genu genuine apology.

29:10Yeah. Remorse. Um how do I know if my partner’s truly sorry?

29:16Yeah. The also if they’re truly sorry, it doesn’t make them a trustworthy

29:21partner. They can feel really bad and about what they’ve done. They can they can hurt in

29:28their heart because they hurt you. And they can still not address an addiction.

29:35um act poorly and fall back into the old trap. So just because they’re sorry, it

29:40doesn’t mean that they’re going to stop it. Now, having said that, being sorry is a good good thing. Uh

29:49so there’s there’s a couple different kinds of sorryries, too. Like there’s the I’m sorry, can I please be out of

29:56trouble sorry, which isn’t sorry, that’s like Yeah, that’s that’s like get

30:01me out of the doghouse sorry. And then there’s the actual shame sorry, which is like, I’m sorry. I’m so horrible. You

30:08deserve somebody totally better than me, which isn’t sorry. So, right, you said it earlier, Tyler. You you used

30:15the word responsibility. You know, accountability is the best uh like thing

30:21to look at if somebody’s actually sorry is I will take accountability for what I

30:26did and I will own that. Um, you know, football season’s starting, Tyler. And I

30:32almost I almost get tired of the coach speak uh stuff, but you know, if a team

30:37loses a game, what what’s the one of the first things a coach says? It’s always about him.

30:43I’m the one that did this. This is my the bug stops with me. I’m the leader. Yeah. So, they’re trying to lead, right?

30:49And so, one of the even if like a player does a boneheaded thing and like totally

30:54that one player ruins the game, the coach is like, “This is my fault. My fault. I take responsibility. I should have prepared them more.

31:01This is all on me. And so like are those coaches genuine? I

31:06don’t I don’t know. But what they’re trying to do is say this is my job. I

31:12made a mistake and I’m going to own that. I’m going to own my parts of this. Yeah. And and and the the whole sorry

31:19thing is way way way less about words than it is about energy.

31:26um you’ll feel sorry from them. You’ll you’ll sense it. You’ll know it. You’ll

31:32know that they actually truly mean it. Um versus like just saying it or barely

31:41saying it and then making excuses or like you’ll you you’ll feel it. You’ll

31:46feel it through their empathy, through their remorse, um their own sadness,

31:52not just them protecting against the consequences of what they did. I think that’s exactly right, Brandon.

31:59It’s a it’s a it’s a heart and a gut feeling as much as it is a performance thing. And when you pair both of those

32:04things together, that’s where you kind of start to really sense and feel that. Um again the I think the most common

32:11thing that I feel and see is is the person who’s sorry either has too

32:18much pride because saying sorry would admit their failure and failure means their shame and they can’t look at their

32:23shame. So they just won’t say it at all or do anything towards it to take ownership for it. That’s really common. Or more often than not the sorry comes

32:31with the the kind of energy that still feels gross. like it still feels like

32:37it’s like a come caretake me kind of energy rather than hey look like

32:43I messed up and I don’t have to sit right here right now in this moment and tell you all the ways that I’m justified

32:48to because you did x y and z or because I suck so bad because all I’m going to say is hey I can see what I did affected

32:54you these ways it’s not in line with my values I’m sorry here’s what I’m going to do to rectify it

33:01I was talking to cousin bigs this week and I think Of course, you’re working him back into the episode.

33:07I think you need to call him. I think you need to call him, Brandon. Don’t even Why do you have to bring this back up

33:12and say you’re sorry? I think you need to call him and say sorry. There’s nothing to apologize for.

33:18See, this is a good example of this is this is we’re talking about responsibility,

33:24right? We all agreed to play by the standards

33:30of the game and that’s Look, look at Tyler gaslighting. You picked up the pair. You chose to throw

33:36it. Of course, you have to go there again. We did. We did not agree with throwing

33:41pairs. Yeah, I think we did.

33:47So, this is a great example of what we’re talking about. No. Yeah. Like in a certain sense, like

33:53Yeah. And even if it is within the rules of the game, if I did something that I can take ownership for that I honestly feel has betrayed my values, then yeah,

33:59I should there’s nothing wrong with going and and genuinely saying I’m sorry, right? I think the first thing we do is

34:05we we kind of scan the situation for all of the it it’s like my kids. It’s like,

34:11hey, uh, did you do that? You know, like they’re like, “No, no, no. Well, so and so didn’t.” And it’s like, “Okay, just

34:17stop and take the little piece of accountability that might be yours.” Like, “Yeah, I did that.” and that like

34:23we’ll move on. Like it’s it’s like let’s just move past this once we can do that.

34:29Um but if you overtake accountability, that’s not honesty. Um but if you’re

34:34always scanning the situation to try to get out of it or defend or say that you’re not bad or wrong, then you’re not

34:42sorry. It feels like you’re just defensive. Yep. That’s right.

34:48So, um hopefully that helps. Uh, I think you start to feel things. Some of the things that you’ll feel are when that

34:55certain skills start to line up. When there seems to be a genuiness, when there’s an inner strength that comes

35:00with the accountability, when there’s a willingness to hear and validate pain even though you may not fully agree with

35:06what everyone’s saying. Um, if there’s, you know, again, back to transparency and honesty, those things start to kind

35:12of add up over time. And that’s how you kind of know that the that the apology is genuine. And and I know that we why

35:19we want that is because we’re looking for our to see how how deep we should put ourselves back into the relationship

35:25and if you know so we’re looking for sorry in a lot of ways helps with with safety in the relationship.

35:31Right. Right. Right. Well thank you chat GPT for these questions.

35:37Yeah. Chat GPT was our guest today. Yeah.

35:43Um that that was interesting though Tyler. the the list that we went down

35:48does not surprise me one bit. Yeah. Yeah. And if I keep going, maybe

35:53we’ll do this again some other day. Everything is like right in line with probably if we were to create our own

35:59list of questions, they’d probably overlap really closely here. So, um yeah. Well, if this is helpful to you

36:06guys, we’re glad to have you with us. Even when you have to hear Brandon tell stories um about our childhood over and over

36:12again. Um no, we love having you here. If this is meaningful, if this is helpful, please share it with other people.