Does My Life‘s Purpose Affect My Weight?

2026 is going to be an awesome year. We got some pretty cool stuff coming up. First off, we got Foundations ofRecovery. This is our flagship program. We're starting it in January. This is for anyone, man, woman, or couple whowants to come and reclaim their heart from shame, trauma, and betrayal. We start off with an education on all sortsof principles. Give you the common language. We feed you from a fire hose in terms of all things recovery. It issuch a great start to recovery. And we get to the roots of things, Tyler. This isn't like any other program. Like, thisis our healing journey in process. And Foundations is where we begin. If youlook at the value that you're getting there to kick off a good recovery with all of the right education, all of theright language, and a team to get you started while also being directed by Brandon and myself through the wholeprocess. What a deal. So, we if you're interested, if you're struggling, if you've been wanting to do something fora long time, jump into this. This only comes around every so often and we would love to have you there. Click the linkin the description to sign up for it. And to make it even sweeter, we're also including a raffle for a free pass tothe Radiant Dawn retreat. Anyone who signs up for foundations will be added to the raffle for that free radiant dawnpass. If you're a man and you sign up for foundations, your name still gets entered and you can give that pass awayif you win it to any woman that you want to. So, what you're saying, Tyler, is if you sign up and participate infoundations, you could possibly go to Radiant Dawn for free. That's exactly what I'm saying, which iscrazy because Foundations by itself is already an insane value. Man, I sound so salesy,but it actually is awesome. So, come like come to Foundations. And even if you don't come to Foundations, sign upfor Radiant Dawn. I It's beyond therapy, the best healing experiences that you can have. Click the link below and comejoin us.What's up you guys? Welcome to the Therapy Brothers podcast. I'm Brandon. I'm Tyler. We're brothers.We're therapists. We're not afraid of your questions. So bring it.[Music]Does my life purpose affect my weight? Wow, that's a fascinating question,Tyler. It's going to be a good one today. Yeah. So, um, but before we jump into that,talking about life purpose, we have something coming up that is going to be awesome. It's our rising sun conferenceand this is for Christian men who are ready to kind of go to the next level.Um they're done feeling depressed, stuck in their addictions and want to figureout their masculinity, their life purpose, want to be free from the shame and come experience something different.So Tyler, why don't you tell them why we've set something like this up? Yeah, Brandon, we uh we've been in this worklong enough to realize that, you know, you can come and do talk therapy for years and years and years, and that'snever quite enough unless there's something that happens from the inside out, which is an emotional shift. Andsometimes that shift takes certain specific emotionally corrective experiences and moments. And you and Ihave seen that for long enough. We've been around it long enough, and we both have passion for trying to help menbecome better men and step into their true purpose, who they are. and and so this event is designed to have some realexperience with having some of that emotional shift take place.So, in other words, Tyler and I are sick and tired of just sitting in our offices talking to men about their problems andtheir lack of purpose in their lives and and and we're ready to help youexperience and shift into something different. This conference isn't isn't it's not child's play. It's not going tojust be a walk in the park. It's going to be challenging. It's going to be fun.It's going to be adventurous. It's going to be awesome so that you actuallyexperience connecting to God. Um, nurturing your relationship with Christ.Um, and and really understanding your nobility and who you really are asa man. And so, we invite you to come. Go check it out at risingssonconference.com.That's rising senconference.com and you can sign up there. So, please gocheck it out. Uh, space is limited so first come first serve.All right, let's dive in. Joan, welcome back.Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Yeah, for those of you who are listening, Joan was on our show in 2020and we had an awesome episode with you, Joan. Glad to have you back. It's going to be interesting to kind of see howthings have changed in your life and then jump into the next question you've got. So, uh, Joan, why don't you justkind of introduce yourself again and your question and any backdrop that's going to help with our discussion andwe'll get started today. Okay. Thank you. Um, my main concern isthat despite being in recovery since about 2007, I have still not maintaineda healthy weight. And I was looking at my notes from a previous po podcast thatum the two of you did where you explained what addiction is in a nutshell. And so I thought maybe tostart uh our conversation I would just go over that briefly to um help thelisteners kind of understand where I'm headed. And so I um so addiction in anutshell is the three things that created it at at least according to my notes are um first you have anattachment disorder um that usually starts in childhood and um so there'ssome associated pain and negative um core beliefs that come along with that.And so in order to deal with that pain um we um have a number two on theaddiction list is we have a lack of healthy coping because we don't you knowwe don't know understand as usually as children how to tolerate these uncomfortable feelings and so we choosea way to try to escape or postpone that pain. And um I felt like in the podcastthat I um did with I was when where I was your guest back in um 2020, we didaddress those first two steps. And the third step of addiction is that we havea lack of purpose. And that is where I feel like I'm at rightnow. I have actually done some very deliberate things to create a purposefor myself and I'm excited about those things. Um but um one thing that I'mrunning into now is I am finding um it is very clear that in some places I havehad I have a history and in my family not so much my husband and children but in um my extended family certainly andsometimes even with friends and in my church community that I have a lack of boundaries and that um I also um havenoticed that as I study shame that it's showing up everywhere in my life. So forinstance, if I even think about you know earning money and maybe and then I getscared by thinking what if I earn more money than somebody in my family or umyou know what if I wanted to buy a nicer home or um wear beautiful clothes justsmall sometimes there are very small things and um so I um I saw also thatthe counter to these um addiction Or the antidote to these things is umfor instance the the antidote to attachment disorder is having is having vulnerable connection.The antidote to the lack of healthy coping is have developing a tolerancefor pain. And then the antidote for the lack of purpose is having a purpose andfinding that fulfillment. I remember one of the podcasts, Tyler was talking thathe he was telling a story about the fact that he um realized he had a problemwhen the most exciting thing that happened in his day was when it one of his appointments was canceled and he got to go across the street and get a pop.And um and and that's a when when he said told that story, I was thinking about the fact that that I reallyrelated with that because sometimes the best thing in my day was that I had a handful of chocolate chips, you know. SoI I realized I needed more I need more out of life than chocolate chips. Soanyway, I'm kind of in that process and I was just wondering if um so I'm interested to um talk to you about theboundaries and also shame and how they relate to that um as you go into theprocess of finding your purpose. This is awesome. Joan, you you've done alot of listening and take a lot of notes. I love topics whereum they hit home. They hit home for me and uh rather than me just being thecomplete expert, it's more me being we can explore together. We can learntogether. We can process this together because man, I do love a handful ofchocolate chips or a soda between sessions, you know. So, in fact, justacross the hall right here, I walked in and and uh my assistant has put bowls ofcandy and donuts and drinks and everything. So, um you know,there it is. It's like I want to just go indulge. And um before we demonize foodor anything like that, let's just acknowledge how great food is. It's it's amazing and it's it's wonderful, right?Um but it becomes problematic. When does it become problematic, Joan?When it you're talking about purpose. When does it become problematic?So, um I think it it's problematic. Well, firstof all, I have to I would like to agree with you. as I've studied nutrition and health and I was raised in a in a homewhere I was fed really delicious, healthy food. But what what I did iswhat I've realized as I've studied um or as I listen to other women talk about umtheir relationship with food is that it seems to be a quick fix. So, it's, youknow, gosh, it doesn't take any kind of um difficulty on any level almost for meto just feel like I need to put something in my mouth to comfort myselfand even when I'm not hungry. And so, I think that that is how I graduallyum have gained weight. And also part of my purpose is getting my um bachelor'sdegree. And so I had I was in a um semester of school from January to Apriland I gained 11 pounds during that time and that was that's a sharp gain for me.So I believe that um and I I'm not just constantly stuffing my face. I do I haveI I shared last time that I um have I've been diagnosed with Hashimoto's and it'sa a condition brought on by you know some unhealthy eating but also by some of thestress that your body has gone through. So, I'm trying to learn how tomanage the stress, you know? So, so I'm I kind of sometimes I don't know where to start. Like, I want to study more andI want to um achieve this purpose, but then I also feel like maybe I'm doingthat too much and actually bringing on too much stress. And so, um, I I guessI'm trying to find that balance between, um, reaching for those, you know,reaching that goal, but also not putting my body under with, youknow, having so much cortisol flooding through my body that it it can't heal. And so, um,anyway, so this is an interesting question. This is an interesting question, Joan, becausewhat I'm hearing you say is is that you agree that finding your purpose is going to be part of the recovery process andbeing able to live a life that's more whole and complete by pursuing that purpose. And yet, as you start to dothat, you're adding stress to your life, which is then contributing to the very thing you've been trying to climb out of for a long time, which is the yourweight. Yes, you summarized that very well. Thank the well Joan the the the way youasked that question was really interesting because to me to be honest with you when you were done with thequestion I was overwhelmed and and and and the reason I'm telling you that isbecause I think that's how you feel probably a lot I use food to to numb stress I also usefood to numb out the fact that I don't feel a ton of purpose in my life or that I feel taken advantage of because I'mlacking boundaries you you know, in a moment I can eat that handful of chocolate chips and like every the world's right, everything's okay. Andwhether it's I'm numbing my emotions or I'm lacking purpose or I don't have boundaries or this whole conglomerate ofthings that I just feel like gh life is hard and I'm not happy. For a moment, Iget that dopamine hit from the that chocolate and it's like, okay, I can live life. Everything's okay. And and soI think your question is actually really good because I think a lot of people can relate to where do I begin? Like wheredo where do I begin? And where most people begin is they they they start with shooting on themselves and shamingthemselves to try to lose weight, which actually just perpetuates the problemeven more. Um you know that they're they're focused on every pound that theygain. They're focused on every calorie that they eat and they're they'redaunting themselves. Don't don't gain weight. Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. And they're they'rerecovery doesn't happen from their food addiction that way. Um and and theystill feel overwhelmed. So does that make sense?Yes. And um so one of the things that Iwhen I'm I'm studying the work of um well she's a I've been listening to a business coach and her name's RachelRogers and she does a um podcast called Hello7. And one of the things that shetalks about a lot is um the f one of the first things that we have to do is set up boundaries and then also deal withthe shame that um we experience. And soshe says as you set those boundaries up and I imagine some of those are with myown self in my relationship to food. Um because if I'm not setting boundariesfor other people, I'm also not setting boundaries for myself. So um and she says and and starting toshe really focuses on saying no when you feel no. And I've also heard the two ofyou talk about that. I keep and I'm also reading a book called The Artist's Wayby Julia Cameron and she um she talks about the same thing. I I just find itinteresting that these kind of the way out is setting those boundaries and alsodealing with the shame that you feel as you go along. But Joan, the the boundaries uh and Ihope people can understand this, the boundary portion of it is many times misinterpreted and in terms of, youknow, I have to have structure and so I have to have certain boundaries that I I can't do certain things, right? I thinkthat's okay. But a lot of times boundaries are encouraged fromtherapists, from life coaches, from whomever. And th they're boundaries from a place of of fear and control. And thatthat even applies to yourself. And a real healthy boundary is whenyou're powerfully stepping into your authenticity. So it's not it's not that you're forcing yourself to do anything.Um, it's it's I'm actually acting from a place of love toward myself and others.Um, and that's why I'm doing this thing. Not not because I'm I'm too fat and nowI can't eat after 9:00 at night. That that would be a force and control thing.Whereas I believe that I'm a healthy person that has gained some weight andso I'm going to act like a healthy person and I love myself. So I'm not going to eat after 9:00 at night. Right.Do do you see the difference? Yes. And she said also one thing that she brought up that I think that youwould agree with is that boundaries never are um formed in order to makesomeone else suffer. Yes. just just saying what so forinstance an example she uses is if my um partner does not do the dishes afterI've cooked a meal then I don't tell him that I can't go to the concert with himbecause he I'm I'm not going to punish him that way. Um soum so it is not it's not meant to makeothers suffer. is simply saying this is what I can do and then as we get rid of some of the things that we can't do wehave a time to develop our purpose. Do you think that's right?Exactly. Yeah. So, so this kind of goes along with what Brian was saying and what you're saying is that the rightboundaries actually come from a knowledge of who I am. Yeah. So if I am being honest withmyself and who I am, then I can make my boundaries based off of my values as aperson, the things that are important to me, my principles rather than out of fear. So when that happens now, I canlook at those things and yeah, even the thing with like going to concert, whatever, it's like, well, you may still not go to the concert, but it's not tomanipulate him. It's because your values would say you don't want to go with somebody who's not going to respect you.You're acting from a place of love for yourself, right? It's so so when once you're inthat place of knowing who you are and then acting from the place of love foryourself, then yes, you're going to start doing things that are going to feed more of who you are.And that's then that I guess what you're saying, Joan, is that that's then where you might open up space for more of your purpose, right? But but you're going tobe more in touch with your purpose because you're moving into that space of knowing who you are.Yes. And and then also what you've said in the past is that that opening up thatspace makes it so that you you you get rid of so with a with when with anaddiction with the chocolate chips there's nothing that feels better than that chocolate chip. But actually whenyou're creating the purpose then you start you start finding things that do art dofeel better than the chocolate chips like consistently like over I'm sure it's a gradual process. That's what I'mimagining it is. Um I'm kind of you know I'm still kind of walking that line justa little bit. But um anyway, so so your life becomes full ofthings that get make you happy. I I the the it's interesting treatingsex addiction because sex is um such an important part of being ahuman. And so to treat something that isnatural for a human being to do um and and try to get them to stop doing a lotof those things is interesting because um God made us to be sexual beings. Andso you look at food, it's and it's very very similar is we're not talking aboutyou sticking a a needle in your arm, Joan. We're we're talking about youeating calories, right? And and so it's it's this it's this thing where it'slike we have to get to a place of self-acceptance and love for ourselvesof it's okay that I want to eat. Um and it and it's actually okay that I enjoybad food for me because that's how I'm designed. I love I love cream and sugar,right? and carbs like yeah like bring it like I I love thatstuff and but it but we need to the the way out of an addiction is what you'retalking about Joan in terms of really shifting the inputs in your life so that you live a life that's balanced and alife that you really don't want to escape. Um but then alsohaving that space where you do accept who you are um and and when you the youknow when you can accept who you are you'll have more power to make certain choices. Um when you reject who you areand you feel like I got to change I'm not okay. If you keep telling yourself you don't have purpose and you're notokay Joan you're going to keep feeling that way right. Yeah. Could I could I use Joan, yourexample of just kind of what you were describing to kind of illustrate what Brandon's saying? Um, you said you've been doingall of this work and it sounds like you've been a work in progress with some pretty intentional work for a while now. You can hear it in your voice. You canhear it even between calls. Um, you found that in part of the recovery thatyou're trying to figure out is that you found that part of your purpose is that you need to go back to school, right?That's that's awesome. You found that. you've uncovered that and you stepped yourself into that place where you justgot done with the semester of school and as a result you gained 11 pounds. Right?But here's the difference and I think this is where the the next kind of step is in terms of the what we're discussingright here is is that you know that in essence you've been called into whateverit's going to take to get into school and I don't know what that means for you in the in the grand big picture but thencoming back to what you're saying about boundaries is that okay now I've got habits of coping with stress that aren'tgoing to lead to my overall goals anymore. So now I'm going to setboundaries around those patterns of coping with stress so that I cancontinue to go to school and I can develop my ability to handle stress and I won't continually, you know, go backto the bag of chocolate chips more than I should um because it's going to fall in line withmy purpose. So, I'm going to create some space, but I'm going to set those boundaries now according to the fact that I'm pursuing my purpose instead ofusing that as the almost the excuse because I can't trust myself and now I'm gaining pound gaining weight again. Doesthat make sense? Yes. I think I think also, you know, thatthat's one I I keep having a red flag in my mind. I I just maybe want to go backto what Brandon said for just a moment about food is that I agree completely.There's nothing wrong with chocolate chips or cream and sugar or any of those things. And I actually believe that theywere put on earth to bring us joy because they bring so much pleasure. AndI think that we need to use them wisely. You know, they're a resource that we can use wisely.And um I get really suspicious of certain diets that only require you eatcertain things even. I'm I really um I really truly am grateful for food but Ibelieve also then what what you were saying Brandon is that I need to usethat I need to know in my own heart when I am using food in the wrong way andthen when I need to you when I can you know sometimes I'll be using it to nourish myself and then sometimes I'llbe like um using it I need just to be aware of whenI'm using it in an unhealthy way and set that boundary with myself. Did I Yes.say that back correctly? Yeah. Let me give you an example of that. Just happened yesterday for me. Okay. We have in our in our office here,we have like a cabinet with like a whole bunch of snack options and there's some really healthy ones and then on the top shelf there's all the unhealthy ones,you know. And of course the top shelf clears off a lot faster than everything else does. Sure. And uh I came into work yesterdayand I was feeling a little bit stressed out and before I even my first appointment, I went to the top shelf andI grabbed a Snickers bar and uh I sat down, I started eating it and I got about my second bite in and I stoppedmyself for a second. I said, "Tyler, why are you doing this?" And I said, "Oh, well, because you're stressed out aboutthis and this and this in your day and you're stressed out about these couple of clients that you're going to be seeing today and you're you're a little bit worried about that." And as soon asI made sense of like what I was actually stressed about, I asked myself, is this Snickers bar really going to provide forme what I need it to? And uh the answer was no, it's not. And I I found that Iactually ended up like spitting out my mouthful and throwing the rest of the Snickers bar in the trash and feelinglike totally fine. Like, yeah, I don't I don't need that right now. Whereas in the past that would just be thisautomatic thing that's just like I'm not even in touch with what my emotions are, what I'm feeling, and I'm going to satiate it because I know that's how itfixes me. Um, and it's going to be automatic and it'll be three bites and I won't even enjoy it and it'll be gone.Um, and so that mindfulness of going, okay, yeah, I know I know what I'm doingnow and is this going to be effective for for me in the long run for myoverall goals? a Snickers bar first thing in the morning probably isn't going to meet my long-term goals.So, you know, but now it's but now I can make that decision back in touch with my long-term goals instead of just likeeither shaming myself into saying, "Oh, you suck, Tyler. You you literally just had a Snickers at 10 in the morning oror like not even being aware of it and being so unconscious of it that I'm four Snickers bars in by by noon, you know,and didn't even realize that I've been just eating my feelings the whole time.Yeah, those are great examples. Um, I'm I'm reading a book. It's areally kind of deep random book, but it's good. It's called Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill, and he's the guythat wrote um, Think and Grow Rich back in the like tw I think it was the 20s.Um, and anyways, part of the part of his book, he talks about gluttony, and hetalks about how gluttony is the one of the devil's greatest tools to help people not um live their purpose. Andit's it's interesting that you're coming on with this question, Joan, because that that got brought up in some thingsI was reading this week. And but it's interesting if you think about it. What does gluttony have to do with mypurpose? Can't I eat the chocolate chips, you know, gain the weight and still change the world and have purposeat the same time? Um, how how does how does the overeating getin the way of of purpose? Uh, I what what do you guys think?I have a thought on it, Brandon. Um, if we're in touch with our purpose, we're back in touch with who we are, who I Iam is in in the sense of God's eyes. So if I'm actually overeing,I'm actually not in touch with who I am because I'm mistreating myself in asense. Even though it feels good, I'm mistreating myself, which means I'm not really in touch with who I truly am. Mymy identity is now being moved back into a place of mistreating myself instead oftreating myself properly because because of that knowledge. Yeah. Yeah. I that that's I mean I'llsay it this way. It's like when we indulge indulge indulge it gets to thisplace where we really are numbing our lives out. We're we're just looking for an escape from feeling. And if we'renumbing our lives out, then how do we how do we give chance to fully realizingour our life and living our life? Uh, and so I'm I realize I'm saying this andmost of us out there are overeaters and most of us out there are numbing our lives out. And I'm not trying to shameanybody and saying you're gluttonous people who don't live purpose. But I dothink there's truth in what he's saying. And Joan, I think there's truth in what you're saying is that if if we don'twhat food addiction is like any addiction. Yes. you know, and so just because it'sfood doesn't mean that that it's not going to take a big portion of our lifeaway from us just like any other addiction will. So, I have a quote um that I heard yesterdayum it is by um Susan Hyatt who um she speaks on this subject and um can I readthat please? Just a couple sentences long here. She said um as long as you are distracted byhow much you shrink your body, you are not expanding your life or your bankaccount. We need women. We need women focused, not distracted.And I find so many things in common with people that suffer from other types ofaddictions. I think it is such a distraction from our I mean that's whereyou know the evil forces of the world want us to um be distracted right they don't wantto be us to be in our purpose they don't want us to feel God's love for us or any kind of direction from him um and I justthink that I think that if I I think one of my problems is is I focus I have I havethought for so long I have to get healthy before I can do anything great.Um, before I can step into my purpose, like I said, who's going to want to interact with somebody that is not theright weight? You know, it's just I'm just not going to be bringing my best self. Well, maybe I'm not bringing mybest self. That's true. But I still feel like we can step into that purpose. Andand what I'm hoping will happen is that that will expand and fill me in a waythat I have used food to fill myself in the past. And and maybe there are goingto be some people that won't want to associate with me because I'm overweight. that hopefully I can findenough people that will that I can go ahead and move forward in that withoutum you know I I can feel the shame coming right now even as I say thatso as I move forward that I can find people who will associate with me thatum so that I can do some good and and and then whether I lose weight or I'mever the perfect health uh at the perfect weight um is is kindof not even important. Is that true?One of the one of the greatest fallacies in recovery is that line you just used,Joan, which is as soon as I've got sobriety for six months or as soon as Ilose my weight or as soon as I kick my habit, then I'll go out and I'll tell everybody and then I'll then it'll bewonderful and they'll love me. And and the truth is is that it's already coming from a shame based place when you'relooking at it through that lens. And it is going to be a risk. Yeah, you'regoing to have to put yourself in the arena, but that's what life demands. That's that's how you're going to findthe right connections. And yeah, you're probably going to have to sift through some people who can't tolerate their own shame and who don't know how to makethose connections, but you're going to find the right people who do. And those connections are going to help contributeto what we call emotionally corrective experiences. And those emotionally corrective experiences are going to give you achance to go, "Oh, like I'm I'm still lovable." Like, you know, we could havea guy come into a group and tell the group his disclosure, which is a list ofall the ways that he's kind of messed up in his life. And he's so afraid to saythat, but by the time he leaves, he's got five guys hugging him, two guys crying with him, and one a bunch of guyssaying, "Me, too." And when he walks out, he leaves with an emotionally corrective experience as a result ofhaving stepped into the fear he has and then letting people love him as a resultof his vulnerabilities. And and Joan, what I think you're describing is the same thing. You said, "My shame's coming up right now." It's like, well, why isit coming up right now, Joan? It's because there's a call to action going on inside of you right now that'stelling you that you know the truth of what you should be doing. And the fear is trying to paralyze you from makingthose changes. And the fear has a little bit of truth in it because there's some risk you'll be rejected. But it's theway it is the way through. Yeah. I I have a I have a question for you,Joan. Um, uh, so I have I'm about I'd say 35pounds overweight. Um, and I had a really tasty chocolatedoughnut for breakfast. Um, a Dunford a Dunford donut. Got to love Dunford.Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Um, I walked into the office, there's donuts in thereand it was good. I wish I had some milk with it. Um,so here's my question for you, Joan. Should I shut should I shut up? Should I Should I not have this podcast? Should Inot do therapy? Um, because I I'm I'm 35 pounds overweight and I ate a donut forbreakfast. What do you think? Well, I think we both know the answer isabsolutely not. I'm sure glad you showed up today and I could use the things that you learned.So, think about it. It's easy for you to see that in me. Like it's kind of obvious, right? Um butI as you were talking about your weight, like I can hear the depths of shame there of how defining it is to you.And you know, you might eat healthy, Joan. I I hate to say this, but it could happen. You might eat like really reallyhealthy and not lose any weight. Yep. Um and maybe that's the way God madeyou. Maybe that's the way your body is supposed to be. And so the gluttony goes away, but the weight stays. And so II I there's this it there's this interesting thing that we do. It's let me be perfect enough and then it it'sthe it's the unvulnerable way to live our purpose. Let me prove myself enough and be perfect enough, then I'll jump inthe arena. And it's usually backwards. It's let me jump in the arena, get kicked around awhile, show you how out of shape I am and not ready I am for this, and then I'll become strong, and then I'll knowhow to actually navigate this and kick butt in this arena because I I I'm notperfect. And and that's kind of the the but but the shame will will tell you,nope, nope, nope, we got proof here. You have weight, so just hold off. Just starve yourself alittle longer. and and and then the addiction will come back and you won't starve yourself and then you'll never jump in the arena, right?Yeah. So, um I think you Go ahead, Joan. Oh, that perfectionism can it cancompletely shut us down and it's not helpful to anyone um who you know whenyou said maybe when when you were saying sorry I'm going to cry here so I'll just keep talking through the tears.It's okay. So when you were saying what that that I would maybe never lose weight, umthat is very possible. I may have to do my life's work with, you know, carryingextra weight and um and won't that make me so much moreapproachable to people that also suffer? because it's not very helpful to talk topeople that have never suffered and that don't have any kind ofcompassion to offer you. Um, isn't that, you know, don't when we are with peopleand we're trying to help each other because that's what it boils down to for me is just trying to reach out to helpother people. If we're going to sit with them, like I'm I'm thinking of that video that BneeBrown makes. you've referenced her before and she's in a um there's thislittle video video there's a fox I can't remember but anyway it's this hole andsomeone and somebody's sitting there in that hole and um in that space and thensomebody climbs down and she was she was trying to show in this video the proper way to sit with other people who aresuffering and it is just to simply go down and be there with them and to nottry to improve them or try to say and and you've addressed this also you know not trying to say oh it's going to bebetter you can just sit with them in their pain and if you have never experienced that then you have not youyou cannot is is it possible to have empathy without that you know without sufferingyourself so you're right I guess if God asks me to do that then I need to youknow just be healthy and try to not use food as a crutch and proceedonward and upward Right. I I hope the listeners can feel the difference in the energy in your voicein what you just said, Joan, versus what you said a few minutes ago. Um Brandonmentioned this idea of you've shed the gluttonous lifestyle and yet you haven'tlost the weight. And then I pictured you putting yourself in that place and saying that might be possible. And you'dbe living from a wholehearted place at that point. you would be living from a place of saying,"I have shed thegluttonous lifestyle and yet I maybe haven't lost the weight. And what would that allow me to do that would allow meto actually maybe still stay in my purpose and actually connect with people if that were the case?" I have a feelingit probably won't be the case, but it could be. Um, but either way, the target moved to living a wholehearted lifeinstead of losing the weight. And when you've stepped into living a wholehearted life, it allows you tooperate from your purpose, even if you don't get all of the outcomes that you think you had previously, you know,specified as what success was going to look like. And and you can feel it even in your response right now, Joan. Thatemotion that's coming out is more authentic. It's real. It's it's got you back in touch with what your purpose wasin the first place. Yeah. Yeah. I I think that when we talk aboutpurpose, um you know, you can go to school, you can get a degree, you can you can loseweight, you can do all these things, but the reality is is you know you're living your purpose whenyou realize what God has made you for. And what that means is is you know so ifyou have weight and you have shame because you have weight then you're you're caught in the fog.What that means is is that if I lose the gluttonous lifestyle but Idon't lose the weight then I accept that this is the way that God has made me andI don't go to this place of like woe is me. I'm just I guess I'm just just the fat one that can, you know, reallyempathize and relate to to other people who struggle with weight. It's it's far beyond that, Joan. It's and I know thismight sound so idealistic and cliche and all these things, but the fact of thematter is it's it's loving it. It's this is who God made. I am beautiful.I am okay. I'm I I I I I don't just wallow in shame because I can't losethis weight. I fully accept that that I am what I am. And and when we can get tothat place, that's where all kinds of doors open up. All kinds of things start to happen. Um, I had in high schoolthere was a girl who was by society standards quite a bit overweight and shewas confident and she like everybody loved her and she was beautiful in somany ways and and uh and what was so beautiful about her was how vibrant shewas despite all of the so many other girl they called our high school likeanorexic I it was like all these other girls wallowing in their shame and she was just like here I am like this is meright and and so I I know what I'm saying is hard to get there. Um I knowthat Satan has kicked the crap out of so many people especially women when it comes to weight and shame. Um but it'sit's not impossible. So, Brandon, I I want to give our listenerslike some extra credit uh with what you were just saying. I Everyone's familiar with the show The Greatest Showman.Yeah. Um if you go if you you going to sing the song? Please sing the song.Should I should I just do just do a little karaoke for you guys right now? Like um that would actually probably gothe wrong direction because that's not who I was designed to be by God. But um but but I'm thinking of the the videoclip of the story behind the song, This Is Me. And if you if you go to YouTubeand actually look that up, you get to see a little bit of the story behind the song. And it's kind of illustratingalmost exactly what you just described, Brandon, which is once you're able to step into that place of just being real with who you are andthen allowing that to then be the place where God can use you. But but Tyler, Iwould say so we watched that clip in my group two weeks ago and we did it very intentionally. Sowhat what I would say is don't just pull it up on your phone, you know, while you're driving or like stop and try tofeel with her and with Hugh Jackman as he's getting up like dancing and stuff.Feel that energy because uh feel feel what she's actually saying and whatshe's actually singing because that is what I was just talking about.Yes. Right. I've seen that clip and I and and you can see as Hugh Jackman stands up, he'sjust he's like, "This is the moment we're trying to capture for the entire movie." And and that's probably why it's such agreat movie is because they did it. They did it together. Yeah.Yeah. Thank you. I will make that my goal right there feeling. I've been aroundpeople like you described in your the the woman that was in your high school and I I've been around people like thatand um it's a it's a wonderful experience to just to to see them and tosee how happy they are. And I want to be that type of person. Joan, here's the thing is like when I got on here thismorning and I I I saw you on here, I you know what I thought? What' you think?I just thought, "Sweet. We got Joan again." Like she's authentic. She'svulnerable. She's courageous. And here's the thing, you already are her. Youalready are like her. You just don't fully like realize it and know it. Um there's just a little bit ofshame there. There's a little bit of blockage saying, "No, no, no. I got to change. I something needs to be different. You don't need to change.You're already there. Um and and I just appreciate you bringing this energy ofvibrance and courage onto the podcast today. Not many people want to talk about weight, right? So, I reallyappreciate you. Thank you. I I want to echo those same sentiments, Joan. I I didn't recognize your name,but I recognized your face when you got on the call with us today and and I instantly was excited to be able to talkwith you because of how I felt the last time. And I I think Brandon's right thateven doing what you're doing today, being on the show talking about these things has you probably in the elementof who you are and what some of your purpose is. And the only thing that you're missing is the ability to acceptit. Yeah. And that's just that's going to come through that continued work on shame resilience.Yeah. Thank you. I It's well, it's wonderful to have someone reflect a vision likethat back to you and um thank you so much. Thank you both of you for th thosekind words. I really appreciate it. Joan, keep up the good work. And I was going to say I I I really want to tasteyour cookies one day, but that would kind of go against everything we've talked about. You having boundaries andus having boundaries. So, uh, so let's forget the cookies.We should My husband's Dutch oven cooking is There we go. Now you're talking.So, all right, Jo meal sometimes. Hopefully, this is not the last time youcome on. And uh we really appreciate you. Thanks so much. You guys have a great day.You too. We'll see you. Does my life purpose affect my weight? [Applause][Music][Applause] [Music]