How Do I Increase My Sexual Desire?

2026 is going to be an awesome year. We got some pretty cool stuff coming up. First off, we got Foundations ofRecovery. This is our flagship program. We're starting it in January. This is for anyone, man, woman, or couple whowants to come and reclaim their heart from shame, trauma, and betrayal. We start off with an education on all sortsof principles. Give you the common language. We feed you from a fire hose in terms of all things recovery. It issuch a great start to recovery. And we get to the roots of things, Tyler. This isn't like any other program. Like, thisis our healing journey in process. And Foundations is where we begin. If youlook at the value that you're getting there to kick off a good recovery with all of the right education, all of theright language, and a team to get you started while also being directed by Brandon and myself through the wholeprocess, what a deal. So, we if you're interested, if you're struggling, if you've been wanting to do something fora long time, jump into this. This only comes around every so often and we would love to have you there. Click the linkin the description to sign up for it. And to make it even sweeter, we're also including a raffle for a free pass tothe Radiant Dawn retreat. Anyone who signs up for foundations will be added to the raffle for that free radiant dawnpass. If you're a man and you sign up for foundations, your name still gets entered and you can give that pass awayif you win it to any woman that you want to. So, what you're saying, Tyler, is if you sign up and participate infoundations, you could possibly go to Radiant Dawn for free. That's exactly what I'm saying, which iscrazy because Foundations by itself is already an insane value. Man, I sound so salesy,but it actually is awesome. So, come like come to Foundations. And even if you don't come to Foundations, sign upfor Radiant Dawn. I It's beyond therapy. The best healing experiences that you can have. Click the link below and comejoin us. How do I increase my sexual desire?[Music] Welcome to the Real Talk Recoverypodcast with the Therapy Brothers. We're brothers, we're therapists, and we know recovery. Bring your stories, yourquestions, your successes with Real Recovery. [Music]How do I increase my sexual desire? Awesome question today, Brandon. This isgoing to be fun. We've got good guests coming on to to have a discussion with us. Uh before we do that, a couple ofthings. First one is just another quick review that we just received. Um, and I'm just doing this just because I wantto make us feel good today. It says, uh, it's by MP Wit and it says, "Five stars.Don't let it go to your head, boys. You guys are great. I love the good insights, straight talk, and brotherlybanter. Thanks for helping me reflect on important ideas, and helping me to be a better father, husband, and person."Excellent. I I'm glad I'm glad he said not to let it go to your head. I remember when you beat me in basketballlike every other day. Like, you let that go to your head. So, I don't think so.I'm glad he's he's giving you a little humble pie with that review.Well, we appreciate the reviews. Keep them coming if you guys have them. We like we like your feedback. They're alsoa way that we are able to reach more people with the message we have to share. So, Tyler, we we have excellent guestshere today. We've had excellent guests in the last few weeks. Um, how do if ifyou want to be a guest on this show, um, and you have a question, you have a burning question that you'd really liketo bounce off of me and Tyler, um, Tyler, how how do how do people go aboutasking the questions and coming on the show? Really simple. If you go to therapy bros.com,br.com, and right on the very front of it, it says ask a question. you know, just fillout a quick thing that says what your question is and then there's a box you'll click that says, "I'm willing to come on the show." And for those of youwho are listening, you can you can see that when we have guests on, our show is way better than when it's just me andyou, Brandon. Well, you are humble. I like it. Um, but herehere's the thing I think that the the guests don't realize is a lot of times they come on because they sincerely havea question that they want some insight. But the the kind of ancillary that Ithink is the most important is the good that they're doing for the world. Like when when people listen to the questionsand and ask them, um, other people relate and they're going through the same things. And it's so much better tohave a real life example and and something relatable to to actually hearfrom. So, so if you're on that edge of gosh, I don't know if I should, I'm a little nervous, try to have the courage,push yourself over the edge, go to therapy bros.com and uh and we don't care what yourquestion is. We'll we'll handle all of them. So, and we don't care if you change your name or your identity either. So, we'rejust happy to have a discussion with you. Y. So, speaking of awesome guests and good questions, um, I want to turnit over over to our guest today and have you guys just introduce yourselves, tell us tell us a little bit about you, yourrecovery, a little background, and then let's dive right into the question. So,go for it, guys. Okay. Well, my name is Sebring Sans, and I've I don't really keep count too much,but I'm about almost four years in recovery. Um, I was in Tyler's um,group, a therapy group for a good year and a half a couple years ago and it's been really awesome. Currently, I'm inPA school in Connecticut. Um, just finished my first year of PA school. That's been really awesome. And yeah,just wanted to before you guys really blow up, get in there before I started really weeding through all thequestions. Nice. I love it. I'm glad you're here.And there is I'm Stephanie S. Oh,that's fine. I'm Stephanie. And um II teach English to kids that live in China online. Awesome.That's my job. And I just work from home. I'm homeschooling my daughter.And I enjoy hiking and being outside.Nice. Did Stephanie, did you go through any groups or anything? Yes, I was actually in Tyler's women'sgroup for about a year and a half. A couple years ago, too. Okay. Awesome.Yeah. So, so you guys, it's it's so refreshing for me to see you being all the way across the country, having notseen you in quite a while. um why don't you guys just jump in and kind of explain your situation and and whatyou're looking to discuss today. Awesome. Yeah. So, I think this has beenkind of a issue with me throughout recovery and I've brought it up a couple times in the therapy group and it's it'sfunny because it's usually never this. It's always in reverse, it seems like, where I usually don't have sexualdesire, but my wife is just wanting it and needing it and not being able toprovide it for her and that's caused a lot of shame for me and just not feelinglike I'm able to provide that need for her, but also feeling content and like Ifeel like we do have pretty good sex and we're very pro- sex and I don't I don'tfeel like we have a lot of shame. around having sex and different things we do insex. But it's just my desire for sex is I don't know is very lacking and notvery strong at this in in my life right now.Sebring is this uh is this something that's different than it used to be? Has it changed over time?I feel like it's gotten worse. Worse in the sense that you don't have as much desire? Yeah, I don't have asmuch desire. Like I still do. It's just I can go sometimeswhen I'm in the thick of life, I can probably go a month without having sex and not even think about too much aboutit. But I do because Stephanie is really wanting it. And I think when when Istarted recovery, it was still a release. I was still also like I wasn'tacting out and masturbating and stuff. So sex is great release and not havingto, you know, relapse in that way. But I think since I've been more secure in myrecovery and trying to fulfill my life in other areas and kind of increase myself-care, it's kind of gone down a little bit more. Sebrin, can I ask you some somequestions? Um and and it when I ask these questions, feel free to be like,"Nah, I don't want to answer that one." That that's fine. Okay. Um Okay. So, uh how how old are you?I'm 29. You're 29. Are you taking any umanti-depressants like SSRIs type medications?No. No. Have you ever? No. No. Okay. Um, did this lack of desirefor sex with your wife, with Stephanie, was that there before you started in onthe recovery process? Um, I don't know. I think a little bitjust because um I was, you know,looking at porn and masturbating and that was, you know, and then when she wanted to have sex, like maybe notbecause I an hour or two before then I was, you know, getting that release then, but not as much as it was a lotmore desire in that respect than it is now. I feel like you would say so the desire formasturbation, pornography, and just having an orgasm that was that obviously there when youwere acting out in a sex addiction, right? Yeah. Um uh but you would also say that yourdesire for sex in your marriage was was at a higher level than than even it isnow. Yeah, I would say that. I don't know. Okay. I don't know. Yeah.Do do you know why I'm asking this? Um maybe to see a trend or maybesomething happened and or maybe recovery is what happened and I have a couplethoughts but yeah what what are your thoughts? Well, I'm just yeah I'm I'm I'm kind ofdoing what you're saying. I'm trying to rule out some stuff. Um the more information there could be a lot ofdifferent things going on. a lot a lot of different things. And and so before Ijump into any advice or answering the question, we we need to kind of sort through some of it. And so what I'mlooking for is some sexual anorexia possibly. Um and I don't know if that'swhat I'm hearing. And the reason is is because um it's in your lack of desire hasincreased recently, right? So, so usually sexual anorexia is there longbefore recovery happens and um sexual anorexia will persist unless you getinto your own recovery around your sexual anorexia. And so, um you wouldhave really felt that before the recovery is what I'm saying. Um so, itdoesn't seem to me Tyler, what do you think? Yeah, I think Brandon, maybe you need to explain for our listeners what you meanwhen you say sexual anorexia. That's a term that a lot of people probably won't understand. Yeah. So, so sexual anorexia is a umit's it's like anorexia. It's a form of control um to really avoid vulnerability. Andso, and it's very common for sex addicts to struggle with sexual anorexia. Um-which sounds um contradictory is because you think a sex addict would always wantto have sex. No. A lot of times a sex addict will get their needs met, so tospeak, in a nonvulnerable way and then really push against their partner andand can avoid sex a ton. And it actually feels good to avoid sex because thenyou're in control and the and the partner feels very um hopeless, alone, stuck. Um there'sthe way the the sexual anorexic pushes against in the relationship creates alot of uh gaslighting and crazym. Um and and so yeah, it's just a it's it'susually my experience with sexual anorexia, there's some significant trauma um in in their childhood. And sovulnerability is really difficult. And so sex is really uncomfortable and not afun thing. and and so and so they want sex because they're human, but they really don't want sex. Sothey don't want sex in a committed relationship because of the vulnerability that's there. Yeah. Right.Yeah. So that's sexual anorexia. Um so I'm Sebring, I'm just trying to kind of rule that out. Um maybe there's sometendency there. Um as as I'm talking about it, what what are you thinking? Yeah. Um, I feel like that that's maybemore extreme on my case, but I feel like definitely like when Istarted in recovery, like I was telling Stephanie this is I felt like I don't know if anyone any I'msure other people feel like this too is, you know, you get this version of sex in porn, pornography, and then it's notthat in real life. Yeah. It's a lot more It's a lot harder. It's a lot more work and and just more skillin order to kind of do that intimacy. And I think that in the start kind ofreduced my desire a little bit just because it was like so much more effort than it than it was just, you know,looking at pornography and masturbating and things like that.Stephanie, when you hear that, when you hear Sebring say that, how does that sit with you? When I hear him say what,which part? Having sex with you is a lot more difficult. It's a lot harder. It takes alot more work. Um,I mean, it it hurts a little bit. Mhm.Um, I'm a crier, so I probably will cry.It's okay. Go for it. But I think it just makes I feel alittle bit like unwanted a little bit.Yeah. It kind of hits that nerve inside of you of the undesirable or unwanted, maybeeven some shame inside of you. Even though seeing that's not what you're intending when you say that, right? Mhm.This this is what sucks about porn addiction, right? Because Sebring, you don't want to do that. That's not whatyou're trying to tell her or, you know, but at the same time, Stephanie, I can totally see why you feel that way. Andit makes total sense. You're in in some ways it feels like you're being rejected,you know, and Sebring, what I'm hearing you say is like my in in a way you're kind of saying my dopamine receptorsjust don't fire off. you know, you you've been shooting up crack for a while, so to speak.And so, like, yeah, it takes it takes some work, takes some vulnerability, takes some relational work, someconnection. Um, but Stephanie, why you feel that way 100% makes sense. And it'snot fair. It's not fair to you. Um, and it's it's it's it's really not fair toeither one of you, right? So, what do we do about it? Where do we go from here?So yeah, I think it's pretty amazing that you guys have both been willing to come on the show and talk about a topic likethis because of the nature of how difficult it is to try to navigate. Um, as Brandon was trying to weed out somethings, I just want to ask a couple other things too. Uh, just so he was weeding out if there might be some typeof a medical issue with, you know, medicine sometimes will shut down sex drive. Aging will sometimes change yoursex drive. testosterone takes a diet. Yeah, that was one one other question I had was whether or not you maybe havehad your testosterone checked. That could be a possibility. That's maybe just more of a logistical thing. Um, butthe other one that I was wondering about, Sebr, and this is maybe for you to think about, is that sometimes whenyou get yourself into recovery, one of the ways of getting sober is totry to close off and shut down the sex drive. It's it's almost like the sexdrive itself starts to become uh I I don't know if the right word is avillain, but you're it's like you're fighting the drive itself, a lot of guys do, instead of trying to figure out howto navigate how to bridle the drive. Um, and then sometimes that actually thenhas threads into your relationship because you're you're so used to trying to just shut everything down and keep it low.Uh, does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. How does that fit at all for you?Um, I that might have been the case like subconsciously, especially in the beginning for sure. But I feel like nowlike I run up against a lot of like she Stephanie thinks I'm crazy, but I amprobably crazy. But like I so especially this last year um PA school's verydemanding um stressful. But that's not really even the issue is that like theonly times we do have that a lot amount of time is like a sweet like 1 hour 1 hour and a half before I have to go tobed because I wake up super early in order to study. And that anxiety of like this is going to take a long time and Idon't want to commit to that. And if I do go to bed late, I'm going to be super tired. I won't be able to perform andpotentially like especially before tests and things like that. I think that really works me up a little bit, thattime anxiety. Even like when a day is normal, I'm like, "What about Hazel?She's gonna be so our daughter, she's gonna be so bored and she's going to be, you know, wandering the world without uswhile we're being intimate." I know it sounds crazy, but that's part of it, too. It's just this anxiety around timeand being control of time. Well, is it is it just time or is it also performance? Is it, you know,feeling like orgasm has to happen that, you know, you you you got it. I mean,because you can have sex and you can have sexual experience um without it taking two hours, right?Um do do you see what I'm saying? Yeah. Well, I think that we've actually tal I actually talked about this with umanother guy about it is I think our expectations. My expectation was likeshe always has to have an orgasm and usually like I felt bad and selfish ifshe if I was having orgasms before her and then like if if she was able to havean orgasm before me then I gave myself permission to then have an orgasm. Ithink that too was part of our part of my kind of Sebring. Have you have have you talkedto Stephanie about this about what she wants and and Stephanie? Yeah. Likecomplete like Yes. And we've talked about a couple times. Well, I think it's pretty critical tohave some communication here because like if it's this performance anxiety, sex doesn't sound very fun or exciting.Sebring because it's like man like I gotta take this time. We got to go slow. I've got it. But but if you talk to herand and she wants sexual connection and and you kind of let go of the anxiety, you let go of the this thisgoes for man and woman, by the way. When orgasm is the focus, it ruins sex. Itruins love making I should say that it's kind of paradoxical. It seems, but whenorgasm is the focus, what that does is it makes sex more of an individualexperience than a a connected experience. And but it's really hard to let go oforgasm. It's hard to be like, I'm not going to think about orgasm here. Uh it's really hard to do that. But whenyou do, then you're fully connected with with each other in the present, right? Umis this making sense? Yeah. Yeah, it does. S Susan John SusanJohnson refers to that kind of sex as sealed off sex where the focus becomes so focused on the physiologythat you miss out on all of the other elements of the love making process andand I wonder like Stephanie I kind of want to ask you when you hear as I'm hearing this from the outsideperspective I'm hearing that there was either some internal or maybe even some externally dis discussed things thatmade the rules of having sex with each other pretty rigid. Um, whatdo you subscribe to those same rules, Stephanie? That he has to do certainthings that then you can have an orgasm so that he can have permission to then have an orgasm. Is that Do you guysagree on that? I don't feel like we've ever like setthose rules or talked about that really.Um, like when we first uh were married, Ididn't ever orgasm. Um, I just didn't reallyknow how or anything. Um, so I think it's uhI'm okay. Me personally, I'm okay notum I'm okay just umjust being in the um connecting with him and being in theexperience with him. Um,I'm okay if you know we only have 10 minutes or whatever. Like,um, I just want to be able to connect with him.So, so Stephanie, as you're saying that, I'm wondering what it would be like right now if you were to actually face your husband and look him in the eye andsay, "I don't care how long it takes. all I really want is that kind of time with you. What What would that feel liketo you? Well, we we've had that discussionbefore. Um, and I thinkwhat I've gotten from Sebring, correct me if I'm putting words into your mouth,but what I've gotten from Sebring before is just that I think he feels a lot ofshame around likeme not having an orgasm. Um, I thinkhe feels like 10 minutes, um,you know, a quick maybe isn't enough. I don't know. Like,am I Yeah. Well, so yeah, if like I'm havingorgasm and it's quick. Yeah. I don't like that because I do feel superselfish. But then I was talking with this friend about it and he said like, "Well, what happens if no one has anorgasm?" I was like, "Oh, like I didn't think that was even a a possibility."And we tried that once and we just it was initiated it and it was prettyquick, but no, like I didn't have an orgasm, she didn't have an orgasm. We just left it at that. I don't know ifthat was good or not, but kind of explore that not being soorgasmcentric. There's a type of uh tantric sex called carza that is sex without orgasm. Andeveryone listening probably, okay, I'm I'm shutting down this episode.Um, but it's a great practice because what it does is it it it removes what'sso interesting is the the last thing that helps a woman come to orgasm is pressure to orgasm. And and Sebring, ifI were to dig in to you a little bit, this is what I'm picking up on and and Icould be off on this, but you seem to be a pleaser. you you seem to want to makeher happy, make people happy. And and there's also this this sexual shame andtrauma that says anything I do sexually can't be self-gratificationand can't be selfish. So So wow, that's a lot of pressure. Um are are you areyou a pleaser in your family? Were you a pleaser? Were you supposed be the good guy? Yeah. So,do you do either of you know anything about any? Any Oh, yes.Have you heard of those? Sebring is a three. I don't know if you know aboutanyone a three, which a three is like um they like tobe efficient with time. They high achieving high achievingum I don't know, stuff like that. I'm a nine.So, your enagram listeners, we're like, "Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. There we go. That makes sense."Um, Sebring, I'm going to say it this kind of bluntly, but I'm notin really trying not to use Stephanie when you have sex. In really trying not to be selfish, you're being selfish.Are you following me? Yeah. Um, you're using her to feel like you're good. You're using her and sex to feellike you're a good man and that you're good enough because I'm going to do it this way. I'm going to do it non-selfishly. I'm going to make sureshe orgasms. I'm going to and all that is is about you feeling okay and youfeeling good. And what you're not is actually um having a sexual experience that'sabout total connection and and and love making, right? Do do you understand whatI'm saying? Yeah. That's what I'm hearing, Sebring. I'm hearing I'm hearing a ton of internalpressure that's going on inside of you. And it's interesting, Stephanie, you'd say, take a take a guy who's built to beefficient, and then you add in a guy who's extremely unselfish, which is anawesome trait to have in a marriage. And then you take a guy who's had it drilled into him that sex just for gratificationis his addiction. And it would make sense why you wouldn't have much of asex drive. And he's a caretaker, too. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And and it's funnybecause what Brandon's trying to say is is that one of the best ways that you could attend to your relationship is toactually let the pressure come off yourself. And and I think I hear fromyour wife's side of things that she's even saying, giving you permission, saying, "Yeah, that's that's what Iwant. I just want him. I just want my husband." You know, I don't care what the I don't care who orgasms first. Ijust want to be with him. And um it makes sense, Sebring. I think I what I'mtrying to say is is that but Brandon's kind of pushing on you and he's I think he's right here, but it I just want to throw in the compassionate side to sayit makes sense and I can see why Tyler's always making me out to be the uncompassionate one. ButI didn't say that, Brad. But but I want to take this to the next level. If if wereally dig down and look at the issue here, it's an issue of what I callnobility in in terms of Sebring. you actually truly knowing yourself and yourworth. Um, and knowing that you're you're unconditionally loved and thatyou're okay and that you don't have to do things perfect and you don't have to please her and you don't have to do allthese things to be okay. That you are and you're going to make mistakes. You're going to make mistakes in yourmarriage, at work, and and for you to be able to say, "Okay, I'm going to do my best, but I can still make thosemistakes." Right? And so deep deep down there's a it's interesting that you wecan see it through this lens of your sex life and your marriage, but deep deep down there's still a little bit of a aquestion unanswered or a void that's saying am I okay? Am I okay? Right? Soand and that's at the crux of recovery that it's not sobriety. It's not four years of sobriety. It's that ultimatelyis true recovery. What do you think of that, Sebring?Yeah, I mean that. Yeah, that makes sense. Um, I think too like I think partof me subconsciously like I like have so much I don't think I've ever reallythought about that this way, but it's kind of coming up. But I've never told her this, but maybe because of like theso much hurt I've caused her, maybe like I'm trying to atone for that and pay herback in some way. And I don't know. Yeah. Seeing, what's the emotion that'scoming up right now as you're talking?I don't know. Um maybe a little bit ofshame but also kind of a wordkind of like more accepting of like oh and letting letting my preconceivedum assumptions aside and realizing that like Yeah,haven't fully accepted just myself andum I know Sabing, you know, see Oh, go ahead, Tyler.Sabring, I'm gonna just be quicker than Brandon can chime in here, but you're you're a very good man with a goodheart. And when you you genuinely want to atone for the pain that you've caused, it's interesting because at acertain point in your recovery, you atone by being remorseful and almost beating yourself up. But as you growinto your manhood and as you grow into your recovery, one of the ways that that atonement process actually continues isthat you start to agree with God on all of the things that he says you are. And then you start to step into that role.And you become the man who steps into your relationship and offers your wife strength. then you become an equalpartner to her again. And uh it sounds like that's maybe the step that you're in the process of needing to navigate alittle bit. Yeah. I uhTyler's tearing up and but I I got to tell you that's not hard to get him to tear up. But I I cry a lot. But he said, you know, Iwas picking up on that you're a caretaker and that you're, you know, that you're you're using her for yourself-worth, Sebring. But the other thing I'm picking up from you is what Tyler just said. You're you you genuinely havea really good heart. Like you you you really do and you want to do good andyou want to be a good husband and because and it's genuine. Um that's inthere. And that word atone is so interesting because umlike who says you have to atone for for that for the mistakes that you've made?Um you you can definitely work hard to rebuild trust and and dowhat you can to make things right, but you don't atone for that anymore. And and this this is actually an issue of ofletting go of not working harder at this point. Heck, you're going to PA school. You've been working recovery for fourfour years. You've done Tyler's yelled at you in group several times, I'm sure. Like, you've done enough. Now, now it'stime to just like rest in some acceptance and love and and be okay withyourself. And and if you can get yourself to that place, then all the pressure goes off with sex and your relationship and all of those things.So, it's letting go and letting God. It's about surrender at this point. It'ssurrender at a deeper level than maybe you've ever experienced because it's surrendering your preconceived judgmentsback to God and letting him define who you are again.Yeah. Um are you guys So you're I and I wantto kind of bounce back to something Sebring you said you said I'm really busy. I'm really stressed. Um,and one thing that can kill libido, it's like the libido killer is stress. So,here you are probably one of the most stressful times of your life. All the stuff that we've already talked about isthere when it comes to sex. And then, you know, stress increases cortisol,which then decreases testosterone and destroys libido.So can you get rid of stress in your life? Well, not completely. Reduce theno negative assumptions of it, I guess. But h but how how do you manage how canyou manage stress better? Well, I I think it was this podcast youguys were saying like changing the mindset of acceptum changing it from being something that's bad to something that's using as a tool to and not something that's justpart of life and not being so um resistant of it, I guess. And it kind ofthe whole surrender thing to it and and work with it andI don't know Yeah, it's more ac it's acceptance of what is like a lot of your suffering andstress is just just in your own anxiety in your own head, right? Um easier saidthan done though, like hey, just don't have it. Like stop thinking that. Um C ring, knock that off.Another thing too is just your your dailies, your self-care. like really making sure that you you got this loadof stress, making sure that you have the the energy reserves to to handle it. Andif you're not doing good self-care, then you're not going to manage your stress well. Your body is going to take thatstress on and your hormones are going to go all out of whack and your libido is going to go goodbye. Right?So, so I know it's hard when you got tests and you got this to stop and be like, "No, I'm going for a jog." Like Ineed a release right now or no, I am getting my seven hours of sleep tonight.Like that's going to happen. Um like these are the basic things. But if youwant a healthy sex life and a good libido, then you need to take care of of your body, right?Yeah. Um Stephanie and Sebring I we're getting fairly close on our time today.Do you guys have other any any other thoughts or any other questions?UmI don't know. I guess like what could I do toI guess be supportive of Sebring and likebe more have sex be more connecting I guessStephanie when you feel that pressure and that like you know that energy ofyou you know, of this has to happen. When you feel that, um, what I want youto do is to put voice to it, is to acknowledge it and pump the brakes alittle bit, have some boundaries around, and that could be really hard because if you haven't had sex in a while and it'slike, hey, this is happening. Like, but for you to just be like, hey, like, let's just stop and let's just like hugeach other. Let's just kiss. Like, we're good. we're let's just chill right now. Um because I feel this pressure. Let'sjust chill. Right. And and for you to just put voice to that. And what you're doing is you're saying, I don't want toengage in sex in this way. Um I I want to engage in sex in a in a realconnected way, right? So that's you just having some boundaries because I feel likesex for us has kind of almost become likelike I have that desire, but when we do have it, it's almost become like a justlike a check mark on a list a little bit. Um,and like we don't do a lot of like foreplay, I think, because it is thatcheck on the list like just to, you know, get it done and over with.Um, and we've tried like differentdifferent things that have helped us to try and do more like foreplay, but it'sit's difficult to umI think um correct me if I'm wrong, but I thinkum something that's hard for Sebring is likeit gets boring I think like umwhich like for a while we were we had this app that like is like a game appfor sex and it like gives you like different prompts and stuff. Um,and now we have this thing called like this subscription called dollar datesand it has like a date and has different thing things so it's like moreit's uh I guess different each time. Mhm. Umbut I think that's part of the struggle too, just that umthere's not a lot of foreplay. And so it almost I think our sex kind of becomes almost alittle bit robotic. Um just in the fact that like these are the things that wedo. Like I don't know. I think I think it's okay sometimes thatif those are the things that you do that that's fine. What I'm what I'm hearing is that maybe what I would suggest,Stephanie, is the conversation that we started to have earlier today and that you guys have said you've stepped into acouple of times is is the conversation that I would suggest you continue to have in an ongoing way to alignyourselves that the goal and the focus might be different than the goal and the focus that it's been that's caused it tobe a checklist. And and if you can open and expand what the expectation and the goals are forwhat you're doing when you interact with each other, take it away from the focus on let's just have an orgasm. What arethe steps? 1 2 3 4 like and and actually say it doesn't matter where this ends.We have some time with each other. Um the focus could then even allow the samesteps to feel different if that makes sense. Yeah.I I think too um me and my wife had great sex after she beat me in cribageand I didn't let her win. So, but here's my point is like it hadnothing to do with sex and and it had everything to do with sex. So, likeyou're you're making love and having sex throughout a day and it has nothing to do with penetration.And so like a sex app, I actually really like that idea. I'm interested as towhat that is and I want to fire that up with my wife, but it that still issurrounded around sex, right? Um and and maybe there needs to be some otherconnection. Maybe there's a show that you guys love to watch together and like so just spend some time like laughingabout that show or like really getting into it. um play play some games. Not some sexgames, but just some games. Like you have a young child, like you're in the grind of life. You're at PA school. It'sbut it does take commitment to connect. And when you have that underlying connection and that you want to spendtime together, it feels good to connect about certain things. Then sex starts to come more naturally. So, um and youguys, it wouldn't hurt to go to a sex therapist as long as they're a good one. um just to be able to address some ofthese things and to continue to work through things. Uh I'm hearing Sebring that you're plenty far enough inrecovery that sex therapy could actually be a good thing at this point um for youguys. So that's something to consider as well.All right, you guys. That's Go ahead, Tyler. I was just going to say it's it's so nice to see your faces again. And I gotto tell you guys how much I love you and uh I'm so glad that you were willing to come on the show and and let me see youagain. Well, thanks so much for taking our question,helping you guys grow. It's great. We'd love to have you guys on again, too, in a couple months. So, maybe we'llbe hitting you up. Yeah. Now, no, we would I wouldn't mind. It's definitely not. Awesome. You guysdid awesome today. Thank you so much. Thanks. All right. If you like this episode, please don't be afraid to share it andremember to go leave us a review and have a great day. We'll see you guys.[Music] [Applause][Music]Heat. [Applause] [Music]Heat. [Music]Woohoo! [Music]Heat. Heat.[Music][Applause] [Music] [Applause][Music] [Applause] [Music][Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music][Applause][Music]Heat. Heat.[Music][Applause] Heat.Heat. [Music]