How Do I Teach My Sons About Healthy Sexuality and How to Be a Good Man?

2026 is going to be an awesome year. We got some pretty cool stuff coming up. First off, we got Foundations ofRecovery. This is our flagship program. We're starting it in January. This is for anyone, man, woman, or couple whowants to come and reclaim their heart from shame, trauma, and betrayal. We start off with an education on all sortsof principles. Give you the common language. We feed you from a fire hose in terms of all things recovery. It issuch a great start to recovery. And we get to the roots of things, Tyler. This isn't like any other program. Like, thisis our healing journey in process. And Foundations is where we begin. If youlook at the value that you're getting there to kick off a good recovery with all of the right education, all of theright language, and a team to get you started while also being directed by Brandon and myself through the wholeprocess. What a deal. So, we if you're interested, if you're struggling, if you've been wanting to do something fora long time, jump into this. This only comes around every so often and we would love to have you there. Click the linkin the description to sign up for it. And to make it even sweeter, we're also including a raffle for a free pass tothe Radiant Dawn retreat. Anyone who signs up for foundations will be added to the raffle for that free radiant dawnpass. If you're a man and you sign up for foundations, your name still gets entered and you can give that pass awayif you win it to any woman that you want to. So, what you're saying, Tyler, is if you sign up and participate infoundations, you could possibly go to Radiant Dawn for free. That's exactly what I'm saying, which iscrazy because Foundations by itself is already an insane value. Man, I sound so salesy,but it actually is awesome. So, come like come to Foundations. And even if you don't come to Foundations, sign upfor Radiant Dawn. I It's beyond therapy, the best healing experiences that you can have. Click the link below and comejoin us. How do I teach my sons about healthy sexuality and how to be a goodman? What's up you guys? Welcome to theTherapy Brothers podcast. I'm Brandon. I'm Tyler. We're brothers. We're therapists. We're not afraid ofyour questions. So bring it. [Music]Brandon, man, it's good to have you back. Sorry we missed you on the last episode. Yeah, I uh um that's all right.You were you you were busy being father of the year, man. Oh, you know me. Yeah, we went to some bra we went tosome Braves games. They were playing the Dodgers. Uh it was it was sweet. I'm not even a Braves fan, but just being there withwith Reed was awesome. Yeah, that's awesome, man. I think that's really cool that you guys go and do that kind ofstuff. And I know that's stuff that'll pretty much last his entire life with those memories that you make there.Yeah. So, um, well, I'm glad to have you back. We, uh, we have a really kind of a cool show today. We have a guest todaywho is going to be able to speak to our question with us and, uh, really grateful to have him come on. His nameis Ferrron Doseier. He's a retired army officer.So, we're going to have kind of a veteran's perspective on this topic of masculinity and teaching our kids aboutsex. He's an advocate for arthritis. And I'm going to probably say this wrong,but rabdom yulosis and cickle cell disease. But the real reason why we'reglad to have him on is because he is a father and a grandpa and he has passionfor masculinity and he looks at things from a Christian perspective. He hasbeen an internet radio and TV host for 11 years. And so, Veron, we're happy tohave you on today. Hang on here. Did you say he's a grandpa? That's what Fon, you look like you're 30years old. How'd you pull that off? Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.How many grandkids do you have? Just one. Just one. Just one now. Yeah, just one. Well, that's awesome.Yeah, I was going to I was going to say you look way too young to be a grandfather. I'm 51, man. I'm 51.Yeah, you you definitely you you're definitely aging better than both Brandon and I are for sure.Yeah. So, um, so Feron, welcome, man. We're glad to have you on the show. I appreciate it. Thank you for allowingme to be a part of your show today. You bet. We're just gonna we're just going to throw this question out here and we'll kind of get busy just having adiscussion. Okay. Um, the question is this. I've been working my own recovery for sexual addiction for about threeyears now. As a father of two sons, I want to make sure that I'm doing my jobto teach them properly about sex and what it means to be a good man. Any pointers or resources that you have aregoing to be greatly appreciated. So, good one, right?Yeah. Very good. actually um some things that I've been uh researching myself actually uh as I start to heal myselfwith my relationship with my dad and also just me um experiencing being whatsome people call whole and complete, right? Mhm. And so that whole sexual conversationand teaching about sex, um, I think it needs to be addressed and and I feelthat I could definitely contribute to some, you know, some pieces of my own personal experience, but also what wecall empirical truths where if you just look in life and observe for yourself, like you don't have to Google it, justlook in your life and observe and you could see that maybe that could be something that I could look at or coulddo some work around. So yeah, I'm very interested. Veron, what was your, if you don't mindme asking, like what was your personal experience with like being taught about sex and masculinity like from from yourdad? You know, nothing from my dad. Nothing from my dad. What I learnedabout sex was from music um and my uncles and and playing hideand go get it whenit turned from hideand go seek. And you're talking about I'm talkingabout seven, eight years old. Like what is a seven year old, eight-year-old doing playing hide and go get it,right? Like that doesn't make sense. But as children, you you don't know any better. Like you don't you you you learn it,like I said, from your environment, right? And rarely from our parents. And I think that's where it starts is is howdo we talk about having our men talk about sex with their children? like ithas to come from there. Oh my gosh. I mean, I think that generation a little bit and and I don'tknow your personal story and and what was going on with your dad or anything like that, but there was this disconnect. There was this disconnectof, hey, we don't talk about sex. We don't do that. We don't we don't go there. Um, and so like let's just avoidit. And it's let's be proper and avoid sex. And in the meantime, the kids aredoing like what you're talking about, like they're off, you know, looking at Playboys under their neighbor's dad'sbed or or they're they're they're watching music videos and and that's how they're getting this whole educationabout sex and and masculinity. I I remember my mom also in in probablyeither junior high or so saying that you learn about it in in class, like healthclass or something like that. So, yeah. Don't ask me about it. Go to health class.Yeah, I would. Exactly. I would I would bet that if we were to pull most of the men listening to us right now, almost Ithe vast majority of them would say that they didn't have for sure their father very much involved in the educationalpart of how they got things. They probably got it through friends or uncles or video or videos or magazines.Um or you know I had a client one time tell me that uh his his dad had been hadhis arm twisted by their mom and he said hey you got to go have the talk with your the talk. It's a one timetalk. And so he took his son out to the back shed and he like pulled out like you know one of those electrical socketsin a light bulb and he screwed it in and when the light popped on he said that's how it works son. Oh wow. You know and it's like it's like okay.Uh so so what's that what's that boy going to learn? And and yet the thetruth is is that we live in a society where if we see it in the media, we're being taught one way.Um if we're stumbling into pornography, which most of us as boys are stumblinginto pretty early at a pretty young age, we're getting an education from everywherefrom the place where it would be most important to get it. Yeah.Yeah. And and and and for me, like my parents, they my parents weren't married. Um, and so my grandparents actually raised mefrom two to eight. So that's why I say I live with my uncles and all that. And sothey were teenagers back then. So again, you're talking about the music, the old R&B songs and all that stuff that talkabout sex with the hidden subliminal messages and things like that. So my dad reallyum I I missed out with him uh from seven eight till about 15. But I didhave stepfathers. U my mom married my middle sister's dad and he did his bestto parent me. Um and I still acknowledge him for that today. And then my current stepfather has been with us since I was11. And he did and he has done a great job as parenting. But again, when youunderstand being a a male, you still look for that biological father. Likethere is that natural thing that you I got I know you're my stepdad, but where is my dad? And that was was going on inmy head the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. There there was a I I think there's no way around that, you know,like and that's that's not to knock on stepparents or this like stepparents tome are some of the most selfless people out there. Um but there's no way around that in that a little boy wants his dadto be connected to him and that there was a poll that was taken and and um a couple answers came out. Onewas um I really don't want my parents to talk with me about sex. Um and then andthen another answer that that teenagers gave was um of anybody that I would wantto talk or educate me about sex, it would be my parents, you know. So, so in one on one hand it's like I don't wantto talk to you about sex. I don't want that. But I really want you to educate me about sex, you know, and it seemsconflicting. And I think that's what's what's hard for parents sometimes is there's that awkwardness ofuncomfortableness of of addressing the topic. Yet our sons, it's healthy forthem to have that trust and connection with their dad to be able to have those types of conversations. Yeah.And and one thing really that I've learned um about myself in this last 1011 year healing process process is there is a natural break in communicationbetween the child and the dad and the child and the mom. And when that breaks,it's difficult for us to now speak to our parents because of little minor, youknow, uh, emotional traumas like, oh, I can't talk to my dad cuz he doesn't my mind mine was my dad doesn't love me.Now, a 5-year-old has nothing, no idea what it was to be an adult,but but that was what my subconscious mind told me, right? with this one little incident with my dad and fromthat point on there was even though he did pick me up and see me my subconscious well he doesn't love mebecause I had proof. So how could you talk to your so my point is how can you talk to your parentwhen there's a break in communication and that natural break happens if again if you look in your life for thatempirical truth I love my dad but he got on my nerve. Yeah. And that's been since five. So, how doyou expect to have those hard conversations when when the silent traumas happen at such a a young age?But but that you know what's interesting going through my mind is I have two sonsand I am in in many ways inflicting that silent trauma on them like a and I feellike it's unavoidable you know but but I think as a father as amasculine figure in their life it's knowing that is being inflicted like myson at times feels unloved by me even though I I love him completely. Yes. But it's it's me being strongenough to be able to say I I know that you're that you're going to be hurt andI'm still steady. I'm still here. I'm gonna show you again and again that I do love you even when you have those silenttraumas come so that I build that safety. I build that rapport so we can have hard conversations about sex oranything. The best song is Cats in a Cradle. Ifyou listen to Cats in a Cradle, when I heard that, I had heard it before, but when I heard that in therelationship of my dad, I was like, "Wow, that is the prime example of whathappens as a parent to your child. It's a natural." And if, like you said, ifyou don't understand that and know how to catch it and make those corrections, that space, the sense of belonging andthe exclusion experience of being excluded, it just expands. and then you wonder why the child doesn't want tohang out with you or come and talk to you. Yeah. Yeah. That's uh I I I appreciatewhat you're saying there. And Feron, if I'm thinking of like your what you've shared already with your experience of your own life, you've got kind of thisunique way of being able to view this and talk about it because on one hand it sounds like you really did get thatwoundedness, you know, almost abandonment from your father and we all do. I mean, that that happens. Yeah.And now, and now here you are as a father yourself and you said you've been doing your own healing and you've beentrying to figure it out. And it's like to what Brandon's saying, we are wounding our children, but but the butthe key is is that we somehow have to figure out how to stay in the game knowing that we've wounded our children.I'm kind of wondering like in the process of your own healing, how have you how have you navigated thatwith your own children in terms of being able to stay in the game and and maintain those relationships even thoughthey might be pushing you away or there might be that woundedness that that starts to happen. How do you manage that?So, one of the things that I learned early in in my early 40s through the education that I took was as parents, wehave concerns for our children, right? We want to make sure that we keep them safe, that nothing that happened to usin our life experiences happens to them. But guess what? That doesn't work because that's not you. That's thatchild and they have their own experience of and what matters to them and what they care about. So what I had to learnto make my corrections with my daughter was kind of I my oldest one, she's she'swe're we're still healing that one. My middle daughter, we've definitely made some space, but my youngest daughter waswhere I was able to make that correction. And I had to put my concerns aside and listen to what they wereworried about. What are you worried about in life? And because what I was worried about was safety and and making sure nothing happened to them. Theywasn't worried about that, right? They was worried about how they were being teased in school and what, you know, all that stuff was going on. And Ihad no idea. So when I was able to set my concerns aside and say, "What whatwhat what are you dealing with?" like what are you dealing with in life? And then you hear, "Oh my gosh." And thenyou help. So when you help them in what they're worried about, you will get what you're concerned about because they'llthat's where that connection starts to because you hear children say, "You're not listening to me. You're not listening to me."Well, because we put our concerns to raise them and protect them, but a lot of times our concerns aren't theirconcerns. Mhm. And when you help nourish what they're worried about in life, then you'll getwhat you want in return because that's going to build that relationship and that connectedness. But it looks likerebellion and it looks like all these other things because you're trying to protect them and and you really can'tbecause you you're focused on what happened to you whether was somebodytouched you when you were little so you don't want them to get that experience like all those things that happened to us that we want to protect our childrenwith. But a lot of times that's not what they're worried about at the time. Yeah. I think you're hitting onsomething so important and and it might trigger some parent guilt and some people listening, but it's like likeyesterday my son was like crying like he my six-year-old because his olderbrother wouldn't let him come in the fort that he had built, right? And it's like from my perspective, I was busywith work stuff. I was trying to remodel a house. I was, you know, trying to deal with with my wife and like there's alland it's like it's like I'm supposed to stop for a minute and listen to how upset you are about this fort thing, youknow, but but we want if we want to have hard conversations with our kids, theyneed to know that we love them. And so it it takes some some energy and sometime to stop meet them on that level and just say, "I see I see your pain. you'relike you're it's valid. I love you. I see you. Yeah. And and so when we start to talkabout the sex question, right, um I really didn't get a hold of that untilmaybe 48 because once I started to heal thatthing with my dad and then the abandonment came with my mom because I was a latch key kid in 78. So that wholeview of a child again exclusion, inclusion, um those silent traumas arethose emotional traumas on the lyic system that we really just brush over. H he's he's he's shy. But he was justthis wild lively kid, right? All of a sudden now he's shy. Like why is he so quiet? But we don't understandthat that child, if we don't, like you said, if we don't be honest with the child at their level, then they're goingto go in that room and make up a story in their own make up their own script.Yes. That's going to become their truth. And so now your truth and their truth is not going to be the same because thepatience that we don't take as parents because like you said, I'm doing this, I'm over here, I'm doing this, I'mrunning a house and and that child is like, why? Why? Why this? Why that? Oh, because I said so, right?Oh, well then, okay then. And then they go sit down and then they make up their own story and usually it's a negativecontext. So, that's going to become their truth. And then now you wonder why again, you know, you don't have thisrelationship and it's very subtle. So when I started to pull peel that off andthat led me back to my spirituality and once I got to my spirituality and Istarted praying and got connected to the Holy Spirit, I got convicted. Like Iliterally got convicted of having sex or or even the desire because I saw that itwasn't healthy for me. Like I thought sex was to be accepted. Mso my first experience at 17 was a with agirl in my neighborhood that we was doing the dry humping with rightand then I got older and it was like you know come come to my house and thenand then when that happened I'm like that's it right right it was like this has just been allthe the hoop all the hype all the hype and then but I was so hurt because she actually I had been hurt byher as a child. Quick story. When I moved to my parents at 78, I would goback to my grandparents house. That's where all my friends were. Well, you know, growing up in the neighborhood, she's your girlfriend one week and theneverybody's dating everybody with these playing house and playing daddy. Yes. Right. So that was one of theexperiences that was really traumatic for me because I left that weekend and she was my girlfriend and then I go backthe next weekend and she's dating my other friend and it's like wait a minute like like what is going like thatdoesn't make sense again if you don't know or have someone to talk to about that. I internalized that,right? But then when there was an opportunity 10 years later and she wants to see me,I'm like, "Oh my gosh, she wants me to come and see her." And and then and then I had no idea what was going on untilthat happens. And then it was like, like I said, at 17, it's like this is this iswhack. And then I never talked to her again. Right. You have those you have thatwoundedness happen. I think you're bringing out a really good point here that I want to make sure is clear for our listeners. And what you're saying isthat in response to the question of how do you respond to your kids and how do you teach them properly, part of whatyour process has been to try to get there is to do the work for your ownhealing. To make sure that you're involved in in making sure you're doing the best you can, to be the best personyou can, to do the healing you can so that you can be a resource to your children and not and not let your stuffsort of get in the way of them. Um, and I think that's a really really important thing that you're bringing out. And I'mI'm wondering for parents who are listening to this, like what does that what does that work look like then fromthe inside out if I want to be a good resource for my kids? You know, I broke out my life into threeparts. My my ideology, my philosophy, and my theology, right?And that's how I think, how I view life. And then we're spirits.We don't have spirits. We're spirits. So that spiritual being is going to connect to something whether it's tarot cards orthe Bible principles or zodiac signs. So if you understand you have all thisgoing on in your mindset, that equals your attitude. So my ideology, my philosophy, and my theology equals mymindset and my attitude. I said, okay, if that's that, then where do mythoughts come from? Like why do I think like that? Right? So then I had to go figure out what work can I do to look atmy thoughts. Well, guess what? It happened to be a VA class called cognitive behavior.Oh, interesting. And so I took that course because when my dad passed away, I went to thesomebody told me the VA has grievance courses. So I didn't want to live my life hurting for the next 15 years aboutmy relationship with my dad because I missed them. So I took those grievance courses and then my doctor was like,"You want to do some more work?" I'm like, "Yeah, actually I want to heal with my mom." And so we actually he gotthese cognitive behavior courses. So I took those and that helped me listen tohow I think and where my thoughts come from, right? And then I looked at um myphilosophy. Like what do I believe? What did my environment teach me? Well, guess what? Some of the stuff that I learnedin my environment, eh, it doesn't fit who I am today. And it doesn't work. Matter of fact, some of this stuff wascorrupted information, too. Right. Look, then I had to find something in life that I could challenge my beliefs up against for some newbeliefs, which was a course called Landmark Education. Lark Education transformed my lifeliterally. And then I saw, okay, if I'm a spiritual being, what am I going to follow? Well,I grew up in the church, so it brought me right back to the Bible principles. So, I started unraveling my life anddoing that work and being honest with myself. The cognitive behavior class asked, "Is that story in your thoughtsexaggerated?" And I had to think, "Is that an exaggerated story?" Oh my, it is. But inthe midst of it, when I was eight, it was like the truth. So I I I want to say to peoplelistening, you've got to find out what you believe and where those beliefs camefrom and see if they fit you today. Because as we get older and develop,our beliefs change. And sometimes it's okay to be wrong. It's okay not to knoweverything. It's okay to be like, you know what? I need to go figure this out for myself firstbecause there's so much going on. Like Brandon said, you got life happening andsometimes the things that we learn from our environment to survive life, it corrupts us. And now we want to livelife. And then now you battle with surviving life and living life. And those two are two different experienceswhen you look at how they show up for you. It's two different experiences. Yeah. You know, Feron, like I I got to Igot to point this out. Um I I love I love your story and um idewas it ideology, theology, philosophy. Yeah. Umuh but I got to point this out. Okay. the the thing that you have that I think a lot of parents don't don't do isis is humility is you know when that class was offered to you and your dadhad just died it was like you know what I got to I I'm broken in some ways I gotto go heal and and through that humility is where you found the Holy Spirit that that'swhere you've connected to God which then grounds you and and really makes it sothat you can resonate in a place where you're a you're a loving, powerful father and blessing the lives of yourchildren. Um, but that starts with that humility. And a lot of parents, they got it all figured out or they're too busyfor their own healing and their own. So, they don't stop and work on themselves. Yes.To actually to actually show up as as a parent for their children.And it's different like I'm re I'm listen to Dr. Miles Monroe and my momput me into his teachings. And then when I as I started to get my spirituality together, my mom was like, "Son, you'redoing great, but you're missing something." I'm like, "What's that?" She's like, "You're missing the Holy Spirit." Because she saw the Landmarkeducation, how it was working. She saw me seeking the Bible and I there was something in me, too. It was like Ilike I like Joel Ostein, but there's something missing there. Like I like the church I go to, but there's somethingmissing there. And it was the Holy Spirit. And when I saw that and she said that I listened to Dr. Ma's teachingsabout the Holy Spirit and was like, "Wait a minute. I received the Holy Spirit when I was like 16, like that'swhat that is." Yeah. But again, if you're as a child, you know, that's not what I don't speak intongues. That's not what that is. That was I made that up. All that time I had that in my life. Andat again at an older age is where I started putting those pieces together. And and that literally brought me alevel of peace because I saw that the Bible principles for me and society'sviews, we already know society's views is corrupted. Like we already know. But then I had to ground myself into thosespiritual principles, those Bible principles. And so when I compared the two, I'm like, well, I actually havemore peace in these Bible principles than I do with the struggles and thecircumstances of society and those millions of different views and realityagreements that I don't they don't they don't they don't really do anything for my life anymore.Right. Yeah. You're bringing out a a principle that we frequently talk about. Brandonand I do a lot with uh with masculinity and part of like recovery from addiction and things. And one of the principlesthat we frequently talk about is the necessity for each individual to have their own wecall it the wrestle with God where there's an ongoing relationship where there's a wrestle going on to find asyou said to be curious and question like the connection the endorsement that wecan get from our higher power and and when that happens that gives us a sense of confidence and then you can step intothose other places you talked about I like that as well where you talked about your ideology ology, your philosophy, and your theology. It's like, okay, thetheology might be more than just like what church you go to. It's the wrestle with God. Yeah. But when that starts to be confirmed,then it also helps to lock in place those other things which are the ideology and the philosophy. And thenyou can kind of with confidence step in and if we're talking about relationships with our children, we can now step inbeing convicted in what we know is true and having kind of followed the journeyourselves. So in a sense, we can join with our children instead of talk out our children.Exactly. And and and that that that theology piece umthe Bible, the the real work is repenting, renewing your heart, renewing your mind. And I I believe we all gothrough that at some point. They say men mature in their 30s and, you know, late 30s or whatever. And I I believe thatthat's where that starts because you want to like, okay, I'm tired of living like this. Yeah. like you get tired and if and andif that goes to a level of hopelessness then people get tired and they they take their life.Right. Right. So you have to figure out where you are. But I I do believe that some point we're like okay something's got tochange. Like I don't want to live like this anymore. Right. And so depending on your your where you're rooted fromcould be determined on how you start to that that healing process or not healing process. Some people never discover. Wehave men that never discover or unravel their life. My dad didn't figure out his until 68.Yeah. Yeah. You know, when he trusted, he was like, and my dad would say, he would say that last year, I never thought I could learnsomething from my son. Yeah. Like I never and he would that was his acknowledgement to the education and thefreedom that he found at 68, right? But I could hear him I could hear himtalk about it when I started doing my class, my work. Like, wait, Dad, what is that? like what what are you what areyou talking about and he would start to you know unravel it and we would have discussionsyou know go ahead I was just going to say it's interesting like all us all uslittle boys um we we want uh we wantaffirmation from our our dad you know we want our dad to say hey son like you'relike you got it you got what it takes amazing and it's interesting what you were saying earlier about how, you know,things happen and and that gap starts to happen of like, okay, I'm not loved and now here here's here's more proof thatI'm not loved. And the cats in the cradle starts coming true. And it's like all this all this stuff. And the realityis is our dads don't love us perfectly. And the reality is is I don't love mysons perfectly. I hate to say that, but I'm a human and I will make mistakes and I will wound them. And we've beenwounded by our fathers. And and you can go until you're 68 years old and still be even if your dad's dead, still belike, "Man, I want that. I want that from dad. I want that from dad." Exactly. Or you find it from God.Exactly. And and and you allow because God's there already loving you and you allowthat to just just you allow yourself to just sink into that and then you don'tneed it from dad anymore. Right. Uh, I'm I'm going to say this because umthe honor your father and mother um has been something that I've been focused on for aboutthree years now, right? And it really impacted me again when my dad passed twoyears ago. But as I started to develop myself and and wanting to share my storylike share my testimony because I saw that when you look in the prison system,you know, look, you look at teen pregnancy, you look at the murder rates, you look at all these things and andthese are could be connected to the fatherless ills,right? And so when the Bible talks about all those different things, it's like,wow. It's like, could those childhood experiences perpetuatesocial ills? Yeah. And again, when you look at the empirical truth and and you hear peoplewho are in prison and they talk about, man, my my dad, I was disappointed in my father or my mother, and it's like, wow,that that scripture about honoring your father and mother. So you didn't so you may have long life is a real promise.Like when I saw that as a real promise and what it looks like in the world. I was like, hey, God allowed me toexperience healing with my dad and my mom and myself. I I have a voice in thatand and I want to share at least my perspective. So, somebody who's listening, you and and I think whatTyler said earlier, you have to discover for yourself. Wecan't tell you what it is. If I tell you what it is, you'll be offended. That's not what that is. But if you could hearand look in your own life and discover your version of that, that is really the piece because youit's like you got balance. When you first learned how to walk, it was a wrap and you've never not learned how towalk. So you you got that balance. And I believe when I discovered those things for myself, instead of my parents or mymom trying to point it out to me as I was older, when I found it, it was like, oh shoot,right? That's what that was. And then it's like, okay, I could work on that. And and lastly,your truth will set you free. Not my truth, not Tyler's truth, not Brandon's truth. And that's something I learnedfrom those Bible principles is that your truth will set you free and your convictions will and it may not besimilar to mine, but if you be honest, when you find your truth, that's whereyour freedom is at. That's beautiful, Fon. I I as you're talking, I just want to just add a storythat came to mind as you're kind of mentioning this this thing. I I happened to serve uh a mission for my church whenI was younger and for two years and I went to my mission was in Baltimore, Maryland and and I spent some time inthe inner cities of Baltimore, Maryland. And while there we made some friends with about 10 little boys that uhthat would kind of just come over to our place every other day and we'd teach them to read out of the Bible and then we'd play football with them in theparking lot and stuff. And as we got to know these little boys, it it actually came to my knowledge that not a singleone of the little boys in that group even knew who their father was. And uhand then I'd sit and watch them play and they'd they'd be reenacting the things that they saw their older brothersdoing. You know, they'd be like basically holding their guns sideways and you know, posing and fronting andgetting all sorts of. And I thought to myself like, man, there is there's an epidemic in our world right now of thelack of involvement with the right masculinity in the lives of our youngmen. Um, in fact, that was part of what actually led me to the the line of work that I do is I was sitting there prayingafter that experience when I got moved to a different area in Maryland and I was praying about those little boys andand I almost felt like God convicted me to say, Tyler, like part of your life mission is to teach men how to be men.Um, there's we have to do that. We we owe it for the sake of our women. We have we owe it to ourselves to raise ourmen properly. and and there really is like there really is a need for good mento be involved and to stay involved to get in the game instead of being cast to the sideline. And uh and your yourexample just really kind of hit home that that's exactly part of right to the root of this question that was askedtoday is like how do you how do you get a guy to stay involved? You know, how do you get a guy to stand on the front lines? And and when you say involved,right, I would I would tell when I was in those relationships, I would say,how do you how do you keep how can a rel how can you keep this up in a relationship? Like cuz we pretendeverything is fine, but at some point you're going to be like, man, do I really want to be in this relationship?Like this is hard work. And if you don't have the the information and the knowledge and understanding and thewisdom to apply those, again, I was dealing with abandonment issues with my mom. I mean, I had the I had the pain inmy chest. I I became a I became a liar and a cheater.But my my friends would say, "Oh man, you're a player. You got two girls." I'm like, "No." I'm like, "No, I'm not." Ihad no idea that I was protecting myself because when I felt that pain in my chest and my mind was like, "Oh, she'sgoing to leave you." And so that body sensation, it's like, "Okay, so I don't want to feel thatpain, so let me go meet somebody else." Yeah. Right. But then when I at 40, I realizedthat came all the way back from a eight-year-old decision about his mother. So when I said I don't trust mymother, I didn't know that that was going to equate to women across the board. Like I said, at that age, youdon't you have no idea what those decisions, those key decisions can do to your life. But but you know what's interesting whatyou're saying? You're saying like you don't trust your mother, you don't trust women. So you wouldn't go into like deeprelationships, like healthy relationships, but you try to get the next girl like, "Hey, I want to playthis." And but that it illustrates something which is this. Um you guysknow the song Take Me to Church. Have you heard that song? If if you listen to that song, it's likeit's Take me to church. What he's basically saying is like I don't need God. I don't need anything else. I I justneed sex. I need, you know, I need women to validate me. So if I get sex, thenI'm good. Yeah. And and sex in and of itself, just sex, that's not vulnerable.That's but but but for a man, for a split second, if I get a girl to want meand want to have sex with me, then for a split second, it feels like I found God. It's like, wow, I'm enough. I This feelsgreat. Yeah. But now I don't want to hang in there with with you with my masculinity. I just want to I just want to use you tofeel good enough about myself. And so we we when we have these wounds, we fill wetry to fill that gap with if we haven't been educated properly about sex and women and masculinity,we try to fill that gap with femininity, with se with their sexualityand then we hurt them. We use them and and we damage ourselves and we damagethem and and it's it's a place where we try to hide and we try to get it, but we can't get it from from that. Sex alonewill never reproduce that because what we're really looking for is deep connection. And deep connection can comethrough sexuality when there's also an emotional and a spiritual component. But but when we are raised and we're woundedand we're too afraid and we're worried about, as you were saying, like not being enough. Okay. And I'm going to have another one on the side and anotherone on the side so I can always fall into somebody else so I can feel just good enough. Even though I've never really gottenconvicted of actually who I am. And the truth is is that as men, masculinity was designed, and this is what I think weshould be teaching our boys, is that we're designed to show up and offer our strength to somebody. Meaning, we needto learn how to be vulnerable, and we need to learn how to like be empathetic. We need to learn how to hang through the hard times. And sex can be pretty good,too. Um, but but we're missing all that because we're not teaching our boys thatthat's that's what a masculine man is. That's that's the way you show up in a relationship is you offer your strengthinstead of taking to get your validation. When I when I saw in the Bible that thethe the father is the one who is supposed to be compassionate, I waslike, "Wow." Because Landmark taught me, you know, instead of being upset and frustrated and pissed off with my dad,who I said I was going to be was compassionate and gratitude and acknowledgement with my dad. So everytime he would say something, yes, I still was frustrated because of our conversation, but I remembered who Isaid I was going to be with him. So a lot of times we look at what are we going to do about that? ButI say you gota you got to look at who you who are you going to be about that. Like we're human beings, not humandoings. So we always look at the doing. But if you're doing that frustrated,you're going to experience it being frustrated. So, I learned to first is it's who you going to be first. If yougonna be calm or you gonna be upset and because you have a choice and a lot of people don't realize that no one canmake you mad. No one can make you upset, make you happy. You have a choice, but you have to be taught you have to getsome education to learn that you can I don't want to say control your emotions, but you can control who you be. And it'sand it's a choice. And so when I started seeing how I was with my dad all those for 35 years because I didn't feel heloved me and so I treated him as such. Yep. And when I saw at 40 like hey this guywas 20 years old when I was born like what were you dealing with dad? And then I had an opportunity to hear instead ofcriticizing him about his life actually had an opportunity space to hear about his life. And then I was like, well, nowonder. Well, no wonder you you act like this. You behave like that because you have your own issues that you weretrying to figure out. And then you had a son and then you're trying to figure that out. And it was like, wow. So, Ihad a a level of compassion and understanding. And then I looked at my life like, well, heck, I'm no different.Matter of fact, I resisted being like you so much that I turned out just like youin my own version. And that was the space where I could be, well, who am I going to be today?Yeah. I don't want to be frustrated with you. I want to be mad at you. I want to have gratitude. I want to acknowledge you forwhat you have, what you say to me. I want to give you gratitude. That was a space that I started practicing being with him. And it just, I mean, connectedus. I'm so glad because when he passed away, I didn't have any resentment.There was no regrets. We had said everything that I needed to say to him. Um, and there was nothing but pure love.And what I miss is that humanness that that's the part that you probably we wethat may that part may never go away. But what I really learned in the Bibleum from Dr. Miles too was it's the spirit behindhow we think. It's the spirit behind how we talk. And so the honor your father and mother. Um I think you said Brandon,you're not gonna like your parent every day. You're not gonna love your dad every day, but it's how you think aboutthem. It's how you talk about them is where you can hear if there's a healingor there's something a stronghold or wedge in the way of that relationship.And that for me has been the biggest thing of how I check myself with my owndaughters and how I'm going to share this with my grandson when he's older.Um about being a from a male to a man kind of conversation.I think that shift happened because you you you found God's love. That that'swhat I think is like you you're being with your dad. You no longer are liketrying to get it from him. Yeah. And you're being, you know, with and it happens with women a lot like I'm notgonna use you for sex and validation anymore. I'm just going to be confident. I know you can smile at me or you can beangry at me. I'm okay and dad you can smile at me. You can be angry at me and I can actually connectto your pain because I know who I am because I know God loves me. And and I think once youhave that, then your being shifts. It it was it was pure forgiveness.Yes. Forgive. And we talk about forgiveness, right? But I could tell you Iexperienced pure forgiveness with my parents. And again, that's why I love that passage about honor your father andmother because when I healed how I thought about them, I love them, but Ihealed how I thought about them. Are you saying honoring your father and mother is is applying grace andforgiveness to them? Definitely. Absolutely. Definitely. And that's and and that's what my I'm gonna be able touh do a sermon at my church on the Father's Day. And so I've got all thosedifferent scriptures that talk about honor your father and mother. Obey your parents, right? Because you might notwant to obey your parent your father because he might be telling you to go deliver that crack over there. That'ssomething that you don't want to follow. That that hey, that that's not cool. That's not. But so you want to obey yourparents, the parents who are sourcing you, who are teaching you, who are doing these conversations like we're talking about, giving you that knowledge. And belike me. Be like be don't be like the rappers on TV. Be like me. And I'm goingto show you that even in my secrets, you could still be like me because I'm I'm being this example of what a father is.And I want you to learn that from me. And so all that gentlemen is has broughtme to where I am today with a level of peace and with myself first and then nowwith my three daughters and healing those relationships and then like I said my grandson who I don't want him to havethese issues when he's four he's two years old right in 40 years he'll be 42 I'll probably begone and I don't want him to have to have these kind of conversations andbeing lost and and if I can instill these ideas and principles and let I Isaid we could teach our youth how to think, not what to think, but how to think. And I think that was what wasmissing in my life was you learn it from your environment. Andsometimes it's just not good information. That's that's beautifully said, Veron. Iuh I I so appreciate the way that you showed up here today with such authenticity and realness. I mean, yourstory is going to resonate with a lot of the people listening today and and I'm hoping that the people here areconnecting to not just your story, but to the energy that you're bringing as well. Um appreciate you coming on. Could youhow how can people find you, Fon? Uh very simple. ferond.comum has all of my things that I'm up to from my cickle cell trait awareness to the arthritis. I'm I'm a 24 yearveteran. Um the rabdomiolysis is uh was connected to my cickle cell triggers howI collapsed and that triggered my literally my depression to wanting to commitsuicide and then having this new re view of myself anddoing the work like that was where I was that's where it started that process of me wanting to heal myself because I wasit was life was over and I'm like I know I'm stronger than this. I know I'm more mentally tough than this, but there wasthose things that was in the way. And so that was my journey. that military career was was great, but it also led meinto um who I get to be today with life after my service, which I still now getto contribute life in a different way, not just protecting this country, but like you said, and I agree with you,Tyler, like I believe that um as a male, as a man, we need to take responsibilityin teaching and sharing. And so far.com has all of my information. I wrote aninspirational read called Life of a 5-year-old about my dad. And I believe that that's my next journey. Um, and Iwrote seven of them. I have seven decisions that I discovered that I want to share as my testimony. And so Ibelieve that those stories will help develop and and give a perspective tohow we can help start this healing process for men. And so that has everything that you want to find outabout me. Awesome. Yeah. And that's that's f a r r o n and then d.com. Yeah. Everything is onthat on that site. Awesome. Thank you, Feron. I I could feel your your energy. I could feel yourhealing. Like you talk about uh a be you have that. Um you're not just doing stuff. You'renot fake. You're authentic. This is real. So I really appreciate you coming on today. I had a great time and we got to havesome more talks. Whatever. Absolutely. Love to do that. We have to. Thank you.All right, have a good one. We'll see you guys later. All right, we'll talk to you later.Have you wanted to overcome your sex addiction? Have you wanted to feel more powerful and empowered as a man andunderstand your masculinity and have more healthy relationships with your spouse, feel more purpose in your lifeand more connection to God, but you've tried a bunch of things and it just doesn't feel like things are gettingbetter. Maybe you've gone to a lot of therapy. You've talked through your problems, but you're still stuck. Youwant more. You want to feel more at peace and more empowered. That's why Tyler and I have developed aprocess and a program for men to come experience something different, to shiftout of the shame, shift out of the depression and the addiction and to actually experience feeling alive,stepping into your masculinity, feeling empowered. If you want information about thisexperience, go to risingssonconference.com. Now that's rising sun as insconference.com. Space is limited. The experience isgoing to change your life. It's going to shift you into the man that you really are, the man that God made. So go checkit out and we'll love to see you guys there. [Applause][Music] [Applause] [Music]