What The Play “Suffs” Taught Me About Courage, Purpose & Creating Change

Welcome & Solo Episode

Welcome to the Therapy Brothers podcast.I'm Brandon. I'm Tyler. We're brothers.We're therapists. And we know recovery.Bring your stories, your questions, yoursuccesses with real recovery.Hey Tyler, you ready to have some hardconversations? Let's do it. Let the

Importance of Sibling Relationships

Therapy Brothers podcast begin. Welcometo Therapy Brothers. Welcome back. Todaywe're talking about I think somethingvery important. But before I get intothat, um I just want to let you knowthat it is just me again today. So ifyou don't want to listen to just mebabble on, you go listen to anotherpodcast. But I think you'll like thetopic that we're talking about today.Um,so, um, I just went to lunch with mybrother and, uh, not Tyler, my otherbrother.And just a a like our family is verytight. I'm tight with my sisters. Uh, Ihave two sisters and two brothers. And Idon't talk much about um like my othersiblings because you guys know Tylerreally well. Um, but I'm really closewith all of them and I'm close with bothof my sisters. I'm close with both of mybrothers. And um, I was just thinkingabout it today having gone to lunch withRex. Um, I read somewhere that said thething that uh, gives like like the thingthat gives you more life satisfactionthan anything else

Lunch With Brother & Life Satisfaction

is your relationship with your siblings.And that's an interesting one for me. Myrelationship with my siblings isprobablyone of the most important things in mylife.And your siblings are differentobviously than friends becauseum they they have a they have a knowing,they have an understandingof where you come from. And so not justnot just the unknowing, but they theyeven share with you certainlenses and perspectives that you gothrough life with. So as things happenin life, you can bounce stuff off ofthem and they understand you on a levelthat is different than other people canunderstand you.and friends. I I have a lot of lifelongfriends, a lot of long-term friends,which I'm so grateful for. Um,but a lot of friends come and go.Siblings,they they uhthey don't. And uh I I had a I have afriend who's having some issues with hisbrother, and his brother's not wantingto have a relationship with him. And Ijust think that brother who is is not

Experience at “The Suffs” Musical

wanting to have that relationship likedoesn't understand what he's actuallygiven up. So anyways, I'm saying allthis just to tell my siblings how much Ilove them, Tyler included. Um theyreally are, you know, it's it's my it'smy family, my kids, and then my siblingsand my parents, you know, that they'reeverything to me. So, we come from anamazing family that I'm just so blessedto have. So, I just wanted to to saythat how blessed I am. Um,okay. Um,I had a very interesting day yesterdayactually and I couldn'tI had different topics to talk abouttodaybut I couldn't after my experienceyesterdayactuallyum like not talk about this. So,um, my my wife randomlyshe got this hot tip that there was thisthis Broadway play in town called Suffs.I know a weird name. Um,and it was all about the women'ssuffrage movement. In other words, thethe battle that it took for for women toget the right to vote.Um, and so they wrote this musical aboutit called Suffs. And it's it's legit.It's good. Um, I mean, I think it rivalsother really popular musicals. I won'tsay which ones because they don't get introuble because people are passionateabout their musicals. Um,but it was so good and the singing wasamazing, the acting, the performing, itwas awesome.But even better than that,

Finding a Battle to Fight

the the backdrop of the story was soimportant and and interesting to watch.And I want to give I want to give givesomeum things that I took from it because Ithink that there is some things to learnabout recovery and about ourselves fromthe from this this uh show that Iwatched.And this show is my my daughter rightnow. She is in Newsies. I think Imentioned that on the last episode.She's performing tonight actually. I'mgoing to Newsies. The newsies is aninteresting story because similar tosuff it's about people advocating forthemselves really when they it it seemslike they have no chance um to win andthey have no chance to change thesystems at play.Umand so I'm going to newsies like fourtimes this week. I went to suffyesterday and I'm like okay likesomething about this like there is abattle to fightand John Eldridge talks about this howimportant it is to have a calling tohave a purpose to have a battle to fightum and I think anyone without a battleto fight is someone who's just justbumping through life a little itand not fully experiencingum what it's what it's all about.And I think it takes a while to figureout what your battle is.But here's here's a couple things that Inoticed from this that that I think areare interesting. Um and I want to giveyou some examples. So, the women'ssuffrage movement back in it was like1918 or something.You think about that, that's not verylong ago. That's a hundred years ago. Isaid to my wife yesterday, I'm like,"God, are we just like coming out of thedark ages?"a hundred years ago, womenum like it was looked at as almostridiculous for women to vote.That to me is crazy. Like it's crazy tome. And yet it was only a 100 years agoand they had to go through this bigmovement just to get a right to vote.Mhm.Um there's a lot of interesting likelittle little things that they hit on inthe in the play about the culture. Andone thing they talk about is when a awoman gets married, she basically dies.And what that means is back then um allof her all of her finances,all of her identity, all of hereverything is now tied to that man. Thatman is the guy that it all belongs to.and she is this support to him that justlike she gives up everythingum including her body to have babieslike everything she gives up because shegets married.And so I was watching it and I was likewow. Um,one of the one of the interesting thingsthat I noticed in the play was how theculture,I'll call it the unconsciousness of theculture.And what I mean by that is these changeagents come along and they start makingnoise.And the older women who have beenfighting the battle for a while areactually problematic to the changebecause they're still stuck in the oldsystems andum and they they're not open to actuallike true reform.

Cultural Norms & Resistance to Change

Uh because they want to they want toplay careful. They want to be nice. Theywant to like they don't want to causetoo many wavesand they they feel like they need topander to the men and dance aroundthings and where the younger generationis coming up and saying no like we'retaking a stand. We are taking a stand.And as I was watching that, I justthought it's interesting howour cultural norms um perpetuatethemselves and they're really hard tobreak.And when someone comes along and says,"Hey, let's break that norm."Usually what happens is that someonethen becomes the enemy.Even if what they're saying is truth andgoodness.Think of examples of thislike Martin Luther King, perfectexample.He comes along and what do you know?He's assassinated.Jesus comes along and says he's he'schanging cultural norms and speaking outagainst a lot of those things and theycrucify him.Um I could I could go down the list andyou see these change agents and you knowhindsight we look back and we're likewell of course of of course I agree withMartin Luther King. Of course I wouldhave agreed with Jesus. Would you havein that moment at that timewhen all of the cultural norms were thisthingand you're supposed to like go againstthat? Yikes. That's scary. I don't wantI don't I don't want uh pe everyone tothink that I'm you know I'm bad.I think there's been a there's been areally interesting thing happening inour culture whereand and I won't get too into politicsand wokeness and all this stuff, butumthe there's thisthere's this uh how do I describe it?UmI think there's some safety inexpression of opinionright now which is a good thing but withthat what that means is a lot ofdifferent people can speak up and sayI'm fighting this fight I'm fightingthis battle and other people will saybut I don't like is that a battle worthfighting oris your battle actually doing harm?Um, and it's it's okay for them toquestion that, right? I think it'simportant for us to question ourselves.Why am I fighting this fight? Why am Ifighting this battle?Is it just for selferving purposes?

Questioning Your Personal Battle

Am I being called to this? Am I trulyfighting for truth?Like, I really need to check in withmyself. like a am I like am I is thatwhat I'm doing here?Or does this just give me an axe togrind or a way to play out my victimstance to the world or whatever it maybe?Umquick quoteuh I alone cannot change the world but Ican cast a stone across the waters tocreate many ripples.So that was Mother Teresa.I think she earned her um her ability tomake a quote like that.Umthe one of the things about the playlast night that was interesting andbeing there with my wife was reallycool.She said something like, "How manypeople have come and gone that havechanged my life that I'm not even awareof?How many courageous warriorshave stepped up and heeded the call andmade my life better that I don't evenknow exist.There's a lot of themand I'm grateful for them.I'm whoever they may be.Let's talk about some of these culturalshifts. Like I said, I don't want to getpolitical here, but just some exampleslikewhen I was raised, um,views on, I'll give you an example.Views on homosexualitywere very different than they are now.Um, andI was in a culture, and it wasn'tanyone's fault, but I was in a culturethat was not very open.um to to to that and not very loving andnot very kind.And I remembersome people coming along and saying,"Hey, likewe make like like I'll give you anexample. When I was in high school,a gay kid started a gay club at my highschool. And it was like national newsum that they started this gay club. Andso what they did at my high school isthey got rid of all clubs in the highschool because they couldn't allow kidsto have a gay club at the high school.So none of us could have clubs becausethey wanted to make sure that the gaykids couldn't have a club.And at that time, and and and I'm goingto I hate to say this, but at that time,I thought that was the right thing todo.HI had no clue. I had no clue like whatactually was going on. I was just kindof in the norms of the culture and thesociety that I was in. I'm not trying tomake excuses.But certain things like like this happenin our life. And I think sometimes whatis happening goes against what's deepdown internally inside of us. And weshove down that that fight inside of usbecause we're afraid.Umthere is it is happening today still inmany different arenas and many differentareas.And you can look at at life and the theplaces that you're in. And and mostpeople what they do is they say, "Well,someone else can fight that fight.Why does it have to be me?" And maybeyou're not called to that. That's fine.But maybe you are and you're justafraid.Another quote here.The world as we have created it is aprocess of our thinking. It can bechanged but it cannot be changed withoutchanging our thinking.And that is Albert Einstein.So let me say that one more time. Theworld as we have created it is a processof our thinking. It cannot be changedwithout changing our thinking.So if we're pretty set in our beliefsystems and the the thoughts that wehave, then the world's not going tochange.But when we open up to new thinking, theworld itself can change.Now, it's interesting when you studychange makers or change agents, theyusually go through um they go throughsimilar things.I just want to talk about it.Um first, they they usually have apersonal experience with with theirfight, with their cause. And I I thinkthat's obvious.And so, they say, "Okay, I'm going tostep up. I'm gonna do something aboutit. And so they go and they start tospeak up, speak out, say something,um, take a stand, have some boundaries.And when they do, usually they'rethey're just kind of laughed at and andtreated like they're small and nothing.And that's the first step. You say,"Okay, whatever. That's cute."Um but if they persistthey start to gain momentum and whenthey gain momentum other people who havethe same fight to fight start to jointogether and community starts to happen.Now when community starts to happen,this is where you start to become athreat to the systemum to the thinking that is going onright nowbecause now you have listeners, you havefollowers, you have people that care. Sonow you're not just some like cutelittle thing that's like, you know,trying to make a voice for yourself. Nowit's like, uh-oh, like you mightactually create some change.And the old system comes around andsays, "Okay, what do we need to do toget you to shut up?What do we need to do to get you to tojust go away? Just go away."And at that point, usually there'sthere's like aa there's a power play that will happen.Um, and in that power play, you'rebasically put in your place of like thisis where this is how it's going to be.Now, the warrior, the humble warrior,they don't take that and and they don'tjust swallow that.That actually motivates them more tostep further into their calling.And when they do that, they umit becomes a problem for the systembecause they're like, "Okay, the more wefight against this change agent, the thelouder they become." Um sowe what we need to do is just put an endto it. And that's where things likegetting thrown in prison, getting thrownin jail, or even death happens, wherethey'll put people to death.Now, what happens when the the prison orthe like the the the yielding of powerthat's so great that it feels like youcan't overcome it?The change agent goes through a momentof deep despair.Like deep despair.

Courage, Purpose & Your Unique Battle

in the Suffs movie last night. Um, theyended up getting thrown I I don't wantto ruin it for people, but they end upgetting thrown in jail and um then theygo on this hunger strike and they almostdieas a result. But during that, whilethey're in think about like whilethey're in jail, and I don't know ifthis is true history or not, but in thisshow, while they're in jail having ahunger strike, think of like how aloneand how desperate you would feel, butyou're hanging on to that cause anyways.You're fighting that fight just by beingin jail and not eating.Like I think about those people duringthe civil rights movement that sat inthose cafeterias and were being beatenand pulled out of chairs and in thatmoment like think how scared theyactually were and they just stayedthere. They just sat.They didn't just walk out and run away.That's heroic.But those moments of like deep despairand like there's nothing else but yourcauseand you're willing to basically die onthe battlefield for it.That to meis what we call a battle to fight.And I thinkwhen it comes to a battle to fight,depending on what that battle is,your cause and your purposebecome greater than anything,even your own life.So, I'm not you know what what causesare there out there? I think of of likethere's big ones, right?We could go fight against all kinds ofthings in this evil world. Although Idon't think the world's that evil, bythe way, but there is evil to fight.But for you, if you think aboutif you if you just think about your ownworld that you live in,you have uniqueum arenas that you've been in. You haveunique perspectives that you have. Youhave unique information. You have uniquetalents. You have unique abilities. Ifyou look at it all as a whole,what's that thing that that that gets toyou that you're just like, I that's notright and I want to change that.And when you look at changing that,what's the next thought of like, well,that II what can I do about that? Or that'sscary or I don't I don't want to step upand say something or do anything aboutthat.Just notice that resistance becausethat's the next step and then askyourself how God is calling you to usewhat they have given you in order tofight that battle.I believe that we're all here for apurpose.That battle might happen on a very smallscale that is massive. Maybe your battleis helping that one kid out that goes toyour school that uh just needs a littlebit of extra love and you're the onethat can give it to himor that child in need.Maybe that battle is holding a bannerand walking down the street.Maybe that battle is writing that blogpost that you know if you put your nameon it is there for the world to see, butyou're going to do it anyways.We're standing in truth even whenpeople won't understand and they'lljudge you and they'll think that you'rebad for standing in that truth.I think of my heroes in my life. Um likemy my grandmotherwas so humbleand her battle was just loving us andshe would go she was a lunch lady at theschool and uh just her energy and herpresence with those kidsI'm sure made a world of difference.I believe in you guys. I believe youhave a battle to fight. I know you canstep into your purpose.Um, I hope as you've listened to me talkabout this this uh musical that uh it'sgot you thinking a little bit about youand what you're doing here on this earthand what you can accomplish and theripple effects that you can make.Until next time, keep on keeping on.